Yesterday I wrote about lessons learned from conventions.\u00a0 I felt very comfortable covering that topic because of my level of experience and because I apply those lessons regularly.<\/p>\n
Tonight is a different story.\u00a0 Some of what I have to say about self-care is really only theoretical for me.\u00a0 I think tonight’s subject was suggested to me because it’s something I personally need to work on.\u00a0 Nevertheless, I have some things to say about self-care as a writer.\u00a0 Whether or not I practice what I preach, this advice can help you.<\/p>\n
Here are the main items:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
For three nights in a row, I’ve mentioned perseverance.\u00a0 You need to persevere, but getting to the other side of something difficult doesn’t mean you have to travel through a wood chipper to get there.\u00a0 Forgive yourself your typos and passive voice and accept and celebrate the praise you receive.<\/p>\n
If you’re a writer trying to put your stories in front of people, you’re going to face rejection.\u00a0 The traditional publication route will offer direct rejection from agents, editors, and publishers.\u00a0 Independently published writers will find rejection via poor book sales, or people walking past your table without making eye contact.\u00a0 All writers are going to get one star reviews.\u00a0 There will be be beta readers that don’t get what you were trying to say, critique partners that can’t get into your character’s head, and writer’s groups that fail to see the value of your contributions.<\/p>\n
Be kind.\u00a0 Forgive yourself.\u00a0 Allow yourself to feel the pain, give yourself time to breathe and grow distant from the moment of rejection, then learn what you can learn from the incident so you can move on.\u00a0 You’re a human and you’re a writer.\u00a0 Sometimes those two conditions line up in such a way as to magnify the pain.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
It might be tempting to say something like, “I’m going to work really hard and I’m going to be get this book published by the end of the year!”<\/p>\n
The problem with this kind of goal is that there are too many factors outside of your control.\u00a0 You can hope for a published-by date, but it’s not something you should measure yourself against.\u00a0 Many fantastic writers have wonderful stories that they’ve worked very hard on, but they can’t get their work published because the market isn’t right for their story, or they’re having trouble getting it in front of the right people, or some similar story might have just been picked up or… you get the idea.\u00a0 No one really knows how any of this works and they’re comfortable describing it as magic at conferences.\u00a0 If you don’t have actual control over the outcome, it’s not something that you can use as a measurable, reachable goal.<\/p>\n
Here are a few examples of achievable goals:<\/p>\n
If you’ve been following me long, you might recognize that list as my personal goals.\u00a0 The first one I only pay attention to through the month of November, and the second one I’ve never actually succeeded to meet.\u00a0 But that whole list is achievable, measurable, and completely within my control.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
Writers shouldn’t just be writers.\u00a0 They should be parents, coworkers, siblings, gamers, bowlers… the list goes on and on.\u00a0 There is a world outside the word processor.\u00a0 There is more to life than just drafting the next novel, or writing the next query, or pushing the next promotion.<\/p>\n
Take care of yourself as a writer by going out and doing things that have nothing to do with writing.\u00a0 Crochet.\u00a0 Golf.\u00a0 Ride a bike.\u00a0 Start a garden.\u00a0 Watch a movie.\u00a0 Bake a cake.\u00a0 Clean your garage.\u00a0 Call a gardener to clean up that failed project you started in the back yard.\u00a0 Go to the beach.\u00a0 Swim in the lake.\u00a0 Drink chocolate rum from a boot-shaped shot glass.<\/p>\n
Tell your wife that you love her and that she’s pretty.<\/p>\n
When you return to the writing, you’ll feel better and you’ll find fresh inspiration.\u00a0 You have one life.\u00a0 Make it a well-rounded one.\u00a0 Not only will you feel better, your writing will improve.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
This is so important that it has to be mentioned twice.\u00a0 The critics outside the writer’s brain do not compare to the evil editor in the writer’s head, constantly nitpicking and finding fault.\u00a0 That evil editor can be your friend, but they’re often a bully that needs to be put in their place.<\/p>\n
As much good advice as I’ve laid out in this post, this is the one piece I struggle with the most.\u00a0 I’m mean to myself when I should be nice.\u00a0 I doubt myself when I should act with confidence.\u00a0 I tear myself down in the face of success, and I have a hard time accepting compliments because I spend so much time internally berating myself for not being good enough.<\/p>\n
I had a therapist give me some practical advice once.\u00a0 He said when I’m at my worst, ripping myself apart, stop and talk to that voice in my head.\u00a0 Have a conversation.\u00a0 Ask him what’s up.<\/p>\n
One day while I was driving to work, my inner editor was really working me over and I asked, “Why?”<\/p>\n
To my surprise, I had an answer. “I want you to be the best, and I’m afraid.”<\/p>\n
Fear is my biggest adversary.\u00a0 I think it’s a problem for most writers.\u00a0 It’s okay to be afraid.\u00a0 Just don’t tear yourself apart over it.<\/p>\n
Be kind to yourself, because you deserve it and you’re going to write something special.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yesterday I wrote about lessons learned from conventions.\u00a0 I felt very comfortable covering that topic because of my level of experience and because I apply those lessons regularly. Tonight is a different story.\u00a0 Some of what I have to say about self-care is really only theoretical for me.\u00a0 I think tonight’s subject was suggested to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1065","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1065","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1065"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1065\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1066,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1065\/revisions\/1066"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1065"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1065"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1065"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}