Let’s talk about fear, courage, and unexpected competence. \u00a0This can apply to just about anything, but\u00a0in my life, it applies to writing, programming, and being a homeowner.<\/p>\n
A couple of weeks ago, I started a project I’d put off for too long: retiling my shower. \u00a0The previous “tile” was actually some sort of particle board made to look like tile, and it was water damaged and warped. \u00a0It was scary, and I’d procrastinated fixing it because I thought it was going to be really expensive, or really difficult. \u00a0After worrying about it for years, I got up one morning, put on my worker boots, and went to work.<\/p>\n
I’d done my homework. \u00a0I’d watched several hours worth of videos that covered the subject material. \u00a0When I went to Home Depot for the parts, I asked the people working there about specifics. \u00a0The cloud of uncertainty dissipated\u00a0as I was armed with enough information to get the job done.<\/p>\n
What I had going for me\u00a0was resolve, which you can use in place of confidence. \u00a0With confidence, you can face a task without worry, knowing that you’re going to get through to the other side. \u00a0With resolve, you still have the worry. \u00a0You just know that you’re going to do it anyway, even if it means royally screwing up.<\/p>\n
While talking to one of the guys at Home Depot about refinishing the shower pan, he started to say something and then stopped and asked, “How handy are you?”<\/p>\n
I said, “I don’t know. \u00a0Kinda handy?”<\/p>\n
Later on, that question kept coming back to me as I worked on the project. \u00a0What does it mean to be handy? \u00a0Is there an objective measure for the level of someone’s handiness? \u00a0How handy was I?<\/p>\n
I pushed on. \u00a0I cut out old parts of the wall and replaced it with new material. \u00a0I sealed the walls, tiled them, and grouted. \u00a0I scoured the shower pan and refinished it with a white epoxy material. \u00a0I acquired masonry bits and drilled holes in the porcelain tiles, so that I could put up the shower doors. \u00a0Today, I installed the shower head and controls, and everything looks pretty good and works.<\/p>\n
Job finished! \u00a0Yay!<\/p>\n
So, I guess I’m pretty handy. \u00a0I thought about it some more, and looked back at all of the other projects I’ve done around the house. \u00a0I’ve replaced faucets, installed appliances, replaced ceiling fans, run network and speaker cables… I’ve done a ton of stuff in this house. \u00a0I’ve plumbed. \u00a0I’ve carpentered. \u00a0I guess I am handy!<\/p>\n
Looking back at it, the hardest part wasn’t the work itself. \u00a0Don’t get me wrong… there were aspects of this project which were extremely difficult. \u00a0None of the physical labor compared to the mental anguish I put myself through, trying to figure out if I could do it. \u00a0I had to tackle self-doubt and fear just to get to the point where I was picking up tools.<\/p>\n
It didn’t matter how much work I’d done around the house before this project. \u00a0I kept asking myself the question, “What if I fail?” I couldn’t move on until I either answered that question, or decided that it didn’t matter.<\/p>\n
Now let’s look at my writing.<\/p>\n
The same kind of fear, and the same kind of question comes up. “What if I fail?”<\/p>\n
Just like with the shower project, I have to push past that. \u00a0Sometimes, I’m able to gather up my resolve and push on. \u00a0Other times, I get deflected and wander off to do something else.<\/p>\n
The hard part isn’t the actual writing. \u00a0Once I start going, I have a great time.<\/p>\n
It doesn’t matter how much writing I’ve done in the past. \u00a0It doesn’t matter how many stories I’ve already written. \u00a0The one that’s important is the one that’s in front of me. \u00a0Even if it doesn’t come out perfect, I have to pick up my tools and start crafting, and let fear be damned.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Let’s talk about fear, courage, and unexpected competence. \u00a0This can apply to just about anything, but\u00a0in my life, it applies to writing, programming, and being a homeowner. A couple of weeks ago, I started a project I’d put off for too long: retiling my shower. \u00a0The previous “tile” was actually some sort of particle board […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-372","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/372","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=372"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/372\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":373,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/372\/revisions\/373"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=372"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=372"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=372"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}