Happy New Year!<\/p>\n
I’ve remained a bit distant in social media, and silent on my blog, but I haven’t been idle. \u00a0I’ve been busy programming at work. \u00a0I’ve also been busy with music.<\/p>\n
I didn’t realize how much I’d been anticipating playing the New Year’s performance with the River City Swing Band. \u00a0It was your typical mixture of fear and excitement. \u00a0We played four sets, which wound up being almost every song in our book.<\/p>\n
Performing in front of people doesn’t bother me. \u00a0In fact, I feel fantastic being on stage. \u00a0I once told someone that I’m quite comfortable performing, but I realize that’s not quite true. \u00a0I enjoy that particular flavor of discomfort. \u00a0When that extra pressure to focus and perform is placed on my shoulders, I shine. \u00a0I enjoy the energy of being in the moment.<\/p>\n
We did a really great job. \u00a0The performance wasn’t perfect, but everyone had a really great time.<\/p>\n
We had someone filling in for our usual second Alto, and he was absolutely amazing. \u00a0He was, quite honestly, a much stronger musician than I am. \u00a0He played really well, and it was great playing with him.<\/p>\n
The experience of playing with him, and playing with the band, roused some of my inner demons of competition and feeling inadequate. \u00a0There was this quiet voice in the back of my head whispering, “This guy is so good. \u00a0Why don’t they ditch me and keep him? \u00a0It would make the band stronger.”<\/p>\n
It’s a maddening voice, because it always sounds so reasonable. \u00a0It comes up with different words fitting the same theme with my writing. \u00a0It usually says something along the lines of, “You’re never going to go anywhere with this. \u00a0You’re not a strong enough writer. \u00a0Why are you wasting your time?”<\/p>\n
Fortunately, I am getting better at not listening to it. \u00a0I’m not wasting my time with my writing. \u00a0If anything, it’s the best use of my time because it’s mine\u00a0to spend, and I’m spending it in the pursuit of my dreams. \u00a0Whether my writing goes anywhere or not, I’m honoring the part of me that needs to write. \u00a0I’m feeding the part of myself that hungers for more than food.<\/p>\n
As for the band? \u00a0They seem to be happy with me, and we’re making really fantastic music. \u00a0If they ever ask me to leave, then I’ll leave, but I don’t think it’s going to come to that.<\/p>\n
I’m not going to spend too much of my time worrying over fears of inadequacy. \u00a0Instead, I’ll practice, and get better. \u00a0I’m a stronger musician than I was a few months ago. \u00a0I’m a stronger writer than I was a year ago. \u00a0And in a few more months, I’ll be stronger still. \u00a0I just have to be patient with myself, keep my head up, and keep playing and writing.<\/p>\n
This is a new year, with new opportunities to get things right. \u00a0Let’s make this year awesome, and chase our dreams like we mean to catch them.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Happy New Year! I’ve remained a bit distant in social media, and silent on my blog, but I haven’t been idle. \u00a0I’ve been busy programming at work. \u00a0I’ve also been busy with music. I didn’t realize how much I’d been anticipating playing the New Year’s performance with the River City Swing Band. \u00a0It was your […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-496","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/496","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=496"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/496\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":497,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/496\/revisions\/497"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=496"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=496"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/briancebuhl.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=496"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}