My original plan was to talk about lots of different media I’m consuming lately. Some of it is on YouTube, on Twitch, and Dropout. Those are all still fun distractions, but over the weekend, I put in the first episode of Lanterns and didn’t stop until I’d gone through the entire series. For the last couple of days, that’s where all of my thoughts have been. So let’s write some of them down.

Short, non-spoiler review

The casting is perfect. The story is great. It looks really good. This is a very good series set in the DCU, and I hope we get more. There are definitely some surprises, most of which land. I can easily recommend people watch this. Maybe not in one giant sitting like I did, though.

Longer review, with spoilers

Once again, if you don’t want any of this series to be spoiled, now is your time to close this tab, or delete this email, or exit however you exit seeing this post. No more warnings after this point, and I honestly think this is best viewed without spoilers.

Before I get into the details of the show, I’ll offer my “credentials,” as it were. I’ve enjoyed stories from the comics since the late 80s. My favorite Green Lantern is actually Kyle Rayner. I can name all of the emotional spectrum cores, I can spell Larfleeze correctly on the first try, and I know tons of interesting trivia about Hal Jordan, John Stewart, and Guy Gardner. I went into this series rich with background information, so the two Mogo jokes in the show landed perfectly with me.

The show is told out of chronological order, and it divides its focus between an older Hal Jordan that is bitter but still doing heroic work, and John Stewart, who has been training to live without fear his entire life so that he can be Earth’s next Green Lantern. Most of the story takes place in 2016, with the next sizable portion of the story occurring in 2026.

It’s grounded, gritty, and our main characters are given plenty of opportunities to be clever and solve mysteries. The first episode establishes what the season is about: John is supposed to be getting trained by Hal to be his replacement, but Hal doesn’t want to replaced, and gives John a hard time. They’re pulled in to investigate some alien murders in a small town, Rushville, Nebraska. This storyline is set in 2016. By the end of the first episode, we jump to 2026, where John drives back into Rushville, meets up with the sheriff, and we see Hal Jordan’s dead body sitting on bleachers, snow collecting on him, and he has no ring.

The first episode is setting up some promises, and for the most part, keeps them. The missing ring is a bit of a misdirect, but I’ll forgive them that one sin.

As they dig further, they find that there is a Manhunter hiding somewhere in the town, influencing the townsfolk, and must be stopped.

This is where I must pause and reveal a hole in my knowledge. When they said “Manhunter,” I was thinking of Martian Manhunter. They described the Manhunters as a race that was supposed to be extinct, which I think lines up with Martian Manhunter’s background. Later, when they talked about The Guardians being responsible for creating the Manhunters, I looked them up on the Internet and found — whoops! — Manhunters have been in the comics before, they’re machines, and were supposed to be unfeeling space cops. When their programming became corrupted, The Guardians wiped them out and turned to create the Green Lantern Corps to replace them.

The show isn’t afraid to take its time with the story telling. It gives us an entire episode where we get to learn about more about John Stewart’s upbringing. The night that the ring chose Hal Jordan, it tried to choose John Stewart’s father first. When the ring came into his room, picked him up, and asked, “Are you afraid?” John’s father truthfully said “Yes!” and then the ring moved on.

The close encounter nearly ruined John’s father’s life, and The Guardians tried to make amends by offering John’s mother a huge diamond. Ultimately, they talked about how John Stewart is made of stern stuff and could be the next Lantern, so John’s parents began conditioning John to suppress his fear. They shot apples off his head, made him walk alone through scary neighborhoods… all sorts of things which could be described as abuse.

Not to say that the ends justify the means, but it worked. John grew up, joined the marines, became a sniper, demonstrated incredible willpower, a lack of fear, and tried to serve his country to the best of his ability. His military career ended when Hal swooped in and nabbed someone John was supposed to snipe.

I really liked John Stewart in this show. Aaron Pierre played him perfectly. I’m looking forward to seeing more of him.

The show also dedicated an episode to Hal Jordan, and what makes him tick. He was a stubborn kid that loved his Dad, and his Dad loved him back. We get a scene where Hal’s Dad takes Hal’s side and gets into a fistfight with Hal’s baseball coach. The next scene, they’re sitting next to a runway, watching planes fly by. That’s when Hal’s Dad tells him how his grandfather gave him a key before going off to war. He explained that he was as good a fighter pilot as they come, but there’s always the possibility that there’s someone out there that’s a little bit better, or circumstances that might get out of control. The key was to a “fail safe,” and as Hal’s Dad finished the explanation, he reached into his shirt and handed Hal a key.

Next scene, Hal is standing at his Dad’s funeral.

The episode is titled “The Jordan Boy’s Legacy,” and we learn what it is. Hal’s grandfather died by suicide, and Hal’s Dad learned about it from a note in the safe. Hal’s Dad also died by suicide, and again, Hal found out from a note inside the safe his Dad left him. Hal doesn’t feel fear because of conditioning. It’s because he’s broken. And alone.

I really liked Hal Jordan in this show, too. Kyle Chandler brought a lot to the role, and made him interesting. It was a different Hal Jordan than what I remember in other media, and that’s okay. I also hope to see more of Kyle Chandler’s Hal Jordan as the series goes on, but given that he’s dead at the end of the first season, that might be challenging.

That’s one of the surprises this show gives us that may or may not land. When people say “Green Lantern,” most people will probably think of Hal Jordan. If you grew up on the cartoons, you might say John Stewart, but Hal has been the most consistent front man for the series. It’s sort of like saying “Ghost Rider” and people think “Johnny Blaze,” even though my favorite Ghost Rider is Danny Ketch, and the most recent Ghost Rider is Robbie Reyes.

Some people probably wanted more constructs, but that’s not really the kind of story they were telling. There were constructs, and they were done well. Like I said before, the show looks great. I really don’t have any problem with how much super stuff we got in our super hero show.

I enjoyed Nathan Fillion’s appearance as Guy Gardner in this show. He’s been enjoyable in all of his appearances so far. Even though Guy didn’t have a bunch to do in this show, I think his character was given a little bit more depth.

Closing thoughts

I hope to see more of this. I really enjoyed it. I’m looking forward to what they do with Sinestro, played by Ulrich Thomsen. He didn’t have a ton to do in his season, but what they did give of him was perfect.

There are plenty of things I didn’t talk about, such as Hal’s hologram, Hal’s weird plant, and the sheriff’s son, Noah.

What do you think? Did you watch it, and do you have thoughts on the show? Let me know.

Trans rights are human rights.

About 1% of the population identifies as trans.

More than 40% of trans people have attempted suicide.

Around 80% of trans people have sought medical health treatment from licensed professionals, compared to only around 45% of cis people.

I’m making this list to paint a clear picture, which is that around 1% of our population are vulnerable, often in crisis, and they deserve our compassion.

Why am I writing this?

I’m cis gender, male, heterosexual. This isn’t about me, and it’s not about any specific person I’ve known, though I have been friends with quite a few trans folks. I’m not claiming to be an ally, or “virtue signaling,” or any of the other B.S. we throw up to keep people from being kind and doing the right thing.

We are in another election cycle, and the last one had the Republicans airing anti-trans propaganda all over the place. I remember watching one of the screens in a Mel’s Diner tuned to ESPN2, flabbergasted at the naked hate on display.

Trans rights are human rights, and I’ve already seen some hints at scapegoating trans people again, which sucks. So, with whatever voice I have, I’m going to say again that we should be looking out for trans people, not demonizing them.

J. K. F’ing Rowling

Rowling made a ton of money, and donated bunches to charity. I’m not going to ignore her generosity and her philanthropy. She acquired wealth and did some real good with it.

However, Rowling identifies as a TERF, and has also used some of her considerable wealth to support politicians and policies that are anti-trans.

TERF stands for “trans-exclusionary radical feminist.” TERFs are bad. TERFs are attacking people that are already vulnerable.

Rowling uses her wealth and her voice to hurt some of the people that are in the most danger, as I described at the beginning.

Harry Potter and the Author of Hate

There is no ethical way to consume Harry Potter media at this point. Some of the money goes back to Rowling, and Rowling uses that money to fuel hate. That sucks.

Since Rowling revealed who she is, and repeatedly doubled-down on her messages of hate, people have looked at the Harry Potter franchise critically, and found reasons to hate on the series. Some of these criticisms are fair, but a lot of it feels like revisionist history, to me.

The Harry Potter series captured the imaginations of an entire generation and got them reading again. There are good things about the series. Rowling did some clever things that I’ve learned from, such as hiding things in plain sight.

At the same time, Rowling represents other cultures and races in Harry Potter by leaning into cheap stereotypes.

The franchise is undeniably a cultural touchstone, and Rowling made an indelible mark on the world with her story about The Chosen One and his fantastic wizarding school. Unfortunately, the franchise is now poisoned, and should probably not be read or enjoyed by anyone.

Other TERFs to be away of

There’s Macy Gray.

Bette Midler, unfortunately. She doesn’t seem to understand the effects of her words.

Dave Chapelle is always looking for different ways to be super problematic.

Rob Schneider, Carlos Santana, Alice Cooper, Kevin Hart, and John Cleese, among others.

Final thoughts

It should be pretty easy to avoid saying stupid shit and hurting people. Before opening your mouth, ask yourself, “Is there an intersectionality of people that may be unfairly targeted or hurt because of my words?” If the answer is yes, shut up and move on.

Give trans people the same courtesy you would want for yourself and your children. Let them seek their bliss, and be the best version of themselves they can be. Their experience with gender and transitioning and body dysmorphia has nothing to do with you, and you may not be able to relate or imagine what it’s like for them. That’s okay. Let them be themselves. Your life will not be harmed by them or their gender expression.

Tonight is the first of three unscheduled topics. I can write about anything I want to write about. So what will it be?

Perhaps a bit of everything. Tonight, I’ll talk about the things I’m happy with, the things that are bothering me, and what I’m going to do about any of it.

I’m angry about Trump’s latest deal with Russia

If you haven’t heard, Trump made a deal with Putin in order to acquire nearly 5 million tons of diesel fuel. It seems this started nearly a month ago, around the same time that Trump was signing the Lindsey Graham package of sanctions against Russia. With this deal, Russia gets money from the US, we get diesel, which is projected to lower the cost of diesel a few cents, and this is terrible for several reasons.

Russia invaded Ukraine. Russia was the aggressor, violated international law, and started a fight with a people that Putin thought he could intimidate or crush. But Ukraine fought back, and were more fierce than anyone expected. Putin thought the war would be over in a matter of weeks. Three and a half years later, Ukraine has done extremely well, winning more than they’ve been losing.

Trump’s deal fucks over Ukraine. I don’t know how much of a difference US dollars will make in Russia’s hands, but it’s not good. We should be supporting Ukraine.

Furthermore, Russia has been funding Iran. Which means, indirectly, we’re funding the people we’re still at war with. An illegal war Trump started, with no end in sight, that has destabilized the area and the global economy.

Lower down on the list of atrocities this deal creates, Trump decreed through his executive order that red diesel can be used on the roads. Here’s the thing, though. Executive orders are not laws. Trump is in the Executive Branch. It’s the Legislative Branch that makes laws. All Trump has done is created confusion, and people using red diesel off of farms may be subject to fines and other repercussions from breaking the existing laws.

The best thing Trump could do for all of us is stop breathing.

I’m annoyed by the scam callers

Every day, I take a call. People asking if they want to buy my house. Absolutely not. People claiming to be from “member services,” wanting to talk about my credit card debt. Those calls are usually robots.

People claiming to be from AT&T. People claiming to be from my bank, without stating which bank that’s supposed to be. So many scams. So many thieves.

One of the scammers calling about buying my house caught me while I was really sick, a couple weeks ago. When I get sick, I have even less of a filter than normal.

“Would you be interested in selling your home?” they asked.

“I would rather burn it to the ground than sell it to you,” I said, without missing a beat, and with my voice rough from being sick for so long.

It was the first time I ever stunned one of those callers. There was an uncomfortable pause, they said something that was a cross between “sorry” and “bye” and then they hung up in a hurry.

I cannot summon any sympathy for these people calling me, trying to separate me from my property and savings. They succeed on people less savvy than me. They’re able to sustain their operation because some small percentage of people play into their game. These thieves gorge themselves off of unsuspecting, gullible grandparents, and I really wish they would get the kind of justice they deserve.

I’m tired of being sick

The cough never really went away, and with the change in weather, allergies have hit me pretty hard the last week or so. It’s been hard to sleep. It’s hard to focus. I’m not getting as much done as I want.

I’m not getting any writing done.

I spent most of yesterday in a mostly incoherent fog, and I’ve been spending all day today trying to catch up on the work I missed. It’s not going that well.

I want to feel strong and healthy again. I want to be able to get things done. There’s so much to do, and I’m barely doing anything.

I reinstated Disney Plus

When the stuff was going down with ABC trying to silence Jimmy Kimmel, I tried cancelling my Disney Plus. For some period of time, I did not have access to any of that programming. I missed Wonderman. I never did finish Andor. There’s a bunch of stuff that’s on Disney Plus that I want to see, but I thought it more important to take a stand and withhold my money from Disney until things got better.

As far as I can tell, Disney/ABC aren’t trying to silence anyone anymore. So, maybe my original reason for canceling Disney in the first place has evaporated.

Furthermore, even though I canceled it, the statements make it look like I was still paying for it. That’s… very annoying.

Finally, I want to see Visionquest. I don’t pirate anything.

I hope you don’t think less of me for reinstating my Disney Plus subscription.

What am I going to do about any of this?

Aside from the TV subscription thing, I don’t know that there’s anything I can do. I’m trying to rest as much as I can, to try and get healthy again. I don’t know that there’s anything I can do about the scammers.

As for Trump, I’m voting very soon.

There’s been some noise from some Democrats that if they retake congress, they shouldn’t prosecute Trump.

Here’s the thing. Either our laws apply to everyone, or they apply to no one. When you swear to uphold The Constitution, you are duty-bound to do exactly that. Trump does not have the authority to start wars, and yet he has. Trump does not have the authority to use tax-payer funds to do anything, and yet he has. He didn’t have authority to knock down The White House.

He is the worst. The absolute worst. He’s a criminal, a rapist, and an incompetent, incoherent idiot.

Democrats, if you take The House and The Senate, start the investigations. Assign special councils. Collect the evidence. Do your fucking job, and take the next steps in cleaning up this ridiculous mess. That’s why you’re being elected. That’s the only reason you’re being elected.

Hmm. Seems like I got a little off topic, there.

This one has been more of a rant than anything. Thank you for joining me on it. If I got any facts or details incorrect, please let me know (with sources) so that I can make corrections. I do not want to spread misinformation or do harm.

No one really wants to read my political takes here, and I understand why. Either you’re in agreement with me, in which case we don’t have much to discuss on the topic, or you disagree with me, which will be frustrating because this isn’t a great forum for 2 way communication.

I do read all the comments, though. And I try to reply when I have anything meaningful to reply with. If I’m talk about something, anything, and I don’t have my facts straight and I’m clearly wrong, I’d rather find out about it than continue to spread misinformation or worse, do harm.

It’s difficult to be apolitical in this day and age, because all too often, it’s not a question of politics but morality. For example, Ms. Rachel is a host for kids programming, and you wouldn’t expect a lot of political content from her corner. However, she believes children are dying in Gaza, and she no longer wants to work with celebrities that don’t use their platform to speak out about it. If it was political, it would be Republican vs Democrat, right vs left. She just doesn’t want to see kids get hurt.

There is nuance there, of course. I talked about that with my last post about The Hugos. I think it’s possible to be both against kids dying, and also be against antisemitism. That’s where I’m at.

Making art is a political act. You make a choice as to what will be included in your art, and what it reflects about you and the world. Sometimes, that statement might be “I’m leaving that out, because I don’t want to talk about that in this piece of art,” which I think is reasonable.

That’s what I’m doing with The Psychic Out of Time. I have it set in the summer of 2024, not because I don’t want to update it to be the current year, but because I don’t want to write a story in which Trump is the president. One of the background points in The Mel Walker Stories is that Mel and his friends are preparing for the end of the world. It would be way too easy for me to bring Trump into that, and that’s not the kind of story I want to tell.

We all live in the same world, even if some of the inhabitants appear to be operating on a different information. When we sit down to write a story, we’re bringing our voice, which is a culmination of our experiences, both on and off the page. We make our stories relatable by bringing in bits of the world we know, and the reflections of the people that inhabit our world.

Let’s try an example. Maybe Charlotte’s Web. Is that a political story? Not on the surface, but let’s look a little deeper. Wilbur is an unremarkable pig living on a farm that is doomed to be slaughtered. An intelligent spider named Charlotte helps Wilbur by writing words into her web that the farmers can read. “Some Pig,” “Radiant,” and “Terrific” are examples. Wilbur is spared, Charlotte dies, but not before 3 of her many children remain behind to continue writing messages in the webs, saving Wilbur and allowing him to live a long, happy life.

Charlotte’s Web isn’t a political story, but Wilbur lives in our world. Without utility, or something to make Wilbur stand apart, he is bound to be slaughtered. No one questions this fact of the story. It’s just the way the world works. What does that say about the world? Pigs are slaughtered on farms, no matter how cute or innocent they may be. This is a world that eats meat.

If you squint your eyes, you might be able to see a message here that capital punishment is wrong. Wilbur is a pig, but he and all the other animals on the farm are humanized, and we’re sympathetic to Wilbur and his plight. Slaughtering him would be wrong. Is it not wrong to slaughter humans, or creatures we relate to the way we relate to humans?

Or, maybe there is something there about Utilitarianism. If Wilbur were remarkable on his own, he wouldn’t have to worry about the farmer’s axe. He depends on Charlotte’s unique skill. What does that say about Wilbur and the world he lives in?

I’m not saying any of this is E. B. White’s intention. An artist’s intentions don’t matter as much as what lands on the page. J. K. Rowling claimed for a while that Dumbledore is supposed to be gay, but there’s no evidence of that in the stories themselves. I think it would have been great to have good representation in one of the most famous children’s fantasy series ever, but it’s not there.

In my opinion, it is better to be intentional with the messages that we place into our stories. To do that, we must understand ourselves, our biases, and then we must see where our biases may intersect with the material in our story. There will always be things we say unintentionally, and that’s okay.

For me, whenever I talk about Trump and what he’s done to our country, I get a little heated. I possess a very strong bias and as such, I am avoiding writing stories that include him. I’ll write blog posts about him (probably one tomorrow, if I’m being honest), but unless it is my intention to write about modern politics, I’ll keep him out of my light-hearted, present-day fiction.

The first 4 episodes of the podcast are out. They’re the only episodes I’ve recorded so far, and I think they’re getting better. I’m getting more comfortable with the tools I’m using, and I’m less nervous about putting the content out in the world.

But why put out a podcast at all?

I don’t honestly know. I suppose it all started with Writing Excuses. That’s really the first podcast I listened to for any length in time. I tried a couple of the different SciFi/Fantasy podcasts, and they were fine, but I don’t even remember their names. I think their names changed over time.

Writing Excuses lead to retreats, and other conferences, and I saw them do their thing live several times. It looked like fun.

When The Repossessed Ghost came out, Steven had the idea of doing Live From Baycon that year, and asked if I’d like to interview people. I did it, had a lot of fun doing it, and I’ve been doing “Live From X” episodes for Small Publishing in a Big Universe ever since. It makes up a lot of the SPBU episodes.

A few times, I’ve received compliments, either about how I conduct interviews, or the sound of my voice, or both.

As LLMs and generative AI (I’m never calling it SI) became more pervasive, the timing seemed right. If I can talk about writing in a way that helps people get over the fear of the blank page, if I can show people that writing is, in fact, fun, then maybe they will think differently about using an LLM. Even if I can convince just one person to forego AI in favor of using their own voice, I would consider this whole thing a success.

Looking back, it seems inevitable that I would try this.

But how do you feel about it?

I feel pretty good about what I’ve put out so far. There is quite a bit of work that goes into it, but it doesn’t feel insurmountable anymore. Before I recorded the first episode, I was intimidated by it, and dragged my feet. But now it feels relatively natural, and something I want to continue to do.

From what I can see of the numbers, there are a handful of people listening to the episodes. Spotify warned me that most podcasts like mine average 4 viewers, and I might be beating that by a little bit.

I came into this with very low expectations, and I’m not disappointed with how things are going. This is not the sort of thing that’s going to make me rich or famous. This is just another way for me to put out into the world some of the writing advice, tips, and tricks I’ve been gathering for several years.

Anything else?

There’s a handful of people that consume the podcast on YouTube. Those folks may be further entertained; I bought a green screen. I’m probably just going to put my keyboard logo behind me. It should be less distracting than the blurred background I used on the first 4 episodes.

My camera setup at my desk where I did the original recordings doesn’t work with the green screen, though, because the aperture is so wide. I set it up, tried it, and it is quite comical. I’ll switch back to using my Surface to do the recordings, either with the same microphone or my Yeti Orb. Both are great. I’ll do some experiments with both and see which one I like the best, and then go forward with that.

For those that have checked out the podcast, thank you! I appreciate it, and I hope you got something from it.

I’m going to finish the first season of this, and then evaluate after that whether or not I keep doing this.

If there is anything you’d like me to cover on the podcast, or if you or someone you know would be appropriate for an interview, let me know!

The 4th episode is out!

Here is the YouTube link:

Here is list of items I talked about:

• Emotions and Chapters
• Write as Often as you Can
• Finish What you Star
• Do Whatever Works

A lot of the content for this entry came from this post: https://briancebuhl.com/?p=1080

I said in an earlier post I was going to put the RSS, Spotify, and Apple links up in a doodly-doo at the top, but I haven’t really had time, so here they are again:

RSS: https://anchor.fm/s/1166519d8/podcast/rss

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/1Fxa7eJNO8CFbz9w5OkTMN

Apple: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/write-something-good/id6805610402

This episode is the last one I have recorded, which means I need to spend some time either this weekend or the next getting the next 4 recorded, edited, and uploaded.

Tomorrow, I’ll talk more broadly about the podcast, how it’s going, how I feel about it, and what I see for it in the future.

I think this episode is pretty good. I grew more and more relaxed as I recorded, and I think both the content and the presentation are improved because of it. Hopefully the next 4 will be even better.

It’s been a few months now. I’m continuing to meet with my therapist online, every other Wednesday.

So how is it going?

It’s going fine, I think? It’s hard to say.

Why I Started Going to Therapy

I was having a difficult time focusing on work, and on my hobbies. I wasn’t writing. Depressive thoughts were common, and suicidal ideation was a part of my life again. That is to say, I wasn’t actively looking to harm myself, but I did wish my life would end, hopefully without pain. I fell asleep many nights thinking that the world would be objectively better off if I wasn’t in it.

I needed to get the dark thoughts under control. I wanted to get back to feeling more like myself, and doing the things I enjoy doing, and being productive again.

Melissa told me that free, online options would eventually be part of our plan through BlueShield of California. Last year, open enrollment finally gave us the online options. Most of a year after they became available, I finally made an appointment and tried to get my life in order.

How has it helped?

The thing is, it’s hard for me to pin down what has changed. My therapist has given me homework a couple of times, but it’s all easy stuff, and nothing I would expect to change my way of thinking. I talk to him for about an hour every other week. He makes comments occasionally. Sometimes he questions a couple of my statements. That’s it.

There are a few things I’ve observed about myself that have changed since going to therapy. The first is that much of the dark thoughts I experienced were bound up together. They were judgements about the world or myself, tied to each other as “supporting evidence,” one into the next, leading to some horrible conclusions. For example, I would string statements together like:

1. My closest friend tossed me away like used trash
2. I don’t have a ton of friends anymore
3. I am the common factor in all of my relationships
4. Therefore, I’m a terrible human being that doesn’t deserve the comfort and joy that comes from friendships

With therapy, I’ve been able to short circuit some of that “logic” and find other conclusions. The friend that tossed me away and treated me like trash, for example, was being a narcistic asshole. That doesn’t really have anything to do with me. And yes, I don’t have a lot of friends, but I do have some very good ones. It doesn’t really matter that I’m the common thread in all of my relationships; there are other reasons for those relationships to fail. I might be a terrible human being, but everyone deserves love and happiness, and there really isn’t that much evidence to support the notion that I’m worse than anyone else.

The other way that therapy has helped is that my therapist is really good at helping me dissolve the reasons or excuses I come up with not to do something. For example, I knew I wanted to get the first 8 episodes of the podcast recorded and scheduled to go out before Melissa and I went on the cruise. But, I didn’t have time. There was too much to do, and by the time I could actually get to recording, I only had one weekend. It was too much.

“Do you have to record all 8?” My therapist asked.

No. No, I could record a subset.

And so I did. I have scripts/notes for the first 8, but I recorded the first 4, leaving me with just enough time to figure out how to get the podcast set up and the episodes scheduled out.

Going Forward

I still have things to work on. I’m still not writing as much as I want, or building keyboards as much as I need to, and I’m still struggling with work.

Also, my head is still filled with dark and terrible thoughts. They’re not as tightly bound into a knot, holding me down and filling me with dark conclusions. The demons are still inside, and I need to continue to be vigilant and keep them from getting together and painting over my outlook.

Therapy is still scheduled out. I’ll keep showing up, doing the homework, and trying to become the best version of myself. I want to be happy, productive, and proud of myself. I’m not fully there yet, but I’m a work in progress.

I have talked about zombies before. I’ve even talked about Project Zomboid a little bit before. That last link goes to a post capping a 31 day blog challenge in July, three years ago. It used to be unusual for me to play games for so many years.

Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, though. Let’s do this right.

What is Project Zomboid?

Project Zomboid is a sandbox zombie horror survival game with an isometric view and a fairly simple artistic style. It looks a little bit like Sims 2, and depending on your settings, can kind of play a little like Sims 2 as well.

The game is technically in early access, but it’s been in a fairly complete state for many, many years. People have been able to play the game since 2013. Different builds of the game mark landmark feature advancements by the primary game developers.

The current build is 42, which was highly anticipated for several years, as it revamps the crafting system, introduces farm animals, and to everyone’s surprise, brought a sorely needed facelift to the game which made the whole experience fresher and more exciting. Build 42 came out a couple months ago and the game has enjoyed renewed interest and excitement ever since.

I used the phrase “primary game developers” because this game has a thriving mod community. There is a staggering number of mods available for this game. One of them, which I’m not going to play, is called “Project Viewpoint” which changes the game from a top down, isometric display to 1st or 3rd person. The mods for this game run the gamut, from minor, quality-of-life fixes, to completely reshaping the game beyond anything the original creators intended.

The Setting and the Story

The game is set in a fictionalized 1993 Kentucky. Depending on the choices you’ve made starting the game, you are a survivor of the zombie apocalypse, and this is the story of how you died.

You typically start in a house alone, and you have a few moments to loot your house for the things you’ll need to survive, before the zombies start breaking down your door and crashing through your windows. You’ll want to get a weapon, some food, water, some useful tools (such as a can opener), a bag to carry your stuff in… that sort of thing.

This is a pre-Internet world. You get glimpses of Kentucky life through newspapers, radio and TV programs, fliers, and situational, atmospheric story telling.

There really isn’t much in the way of official lore or an intended story in the game. It’s sandbox, and the greatest stories told by this game tells are emergent.

Why does Brian Buhl like this game?

Years ago, when I first started playing it, I think I kind of hated it. The game can be cruel. Things can happen that truly do not feel fair. You can have a character that you care about, that’s survived some terrible situations, die because of a blind corner that you thought you cleared. Or, fall to their death because the game didn’t paint a clear distinction between the floor you’re on and oblivion.

Without cheating, there is no running the clock back, reloading an old save, and continuing as if the mistake didn’t happen. You have one life, and it is fragile, and the entire world is trying to take it from you.

That’s not the kind of game I normally enjoy, and I didn’t enjoy it until something clicked in my head. I started getting better at the game, and the cheap shots stopped landing as often. I started having fun, and even started playing with the sandbox settings to make the game even more challenging.

As your character performs actions in the game, they get better at those actions. There isn’t a leveling system like you would find in a roleplaying game. There is a skill system, which was recently expanded in Build 42. There are all the different weapons skills, but then there is crafting skills such as Carpentry, Blacksmithing, Knapping, Carving, and tons of others. Progression in the game comes from building these skills, up to a value of 10.

Progression is also measured environmentally and through certain accomplishments, such as clearing an area, establishing a base, setting up renewable food sources, building a complete library of skill books, and any other goal a player might set for themselves. The cooking and crafting is extremely flexible, with its own rewards. The game either has depth, or provides a good illusion of having depth.

This is a game that can be played solo or with friends. The experience is different, and I enjoy both.

Anything I don’t like about it?

I think the vision the primary game developers have for this game doesn’t always line up with what I find enjoyable, and I don’t think they are consistent with which elements of the game they choose to be “realistic” and which elements are allowed to feel gamey.

I’m usually not that kind when I think of the developers, actually. I’m not convinced they have a unified vision for the game. I also think they work at cross purposes to their stated and implied intentions.

For example, Build 42 introduces a number of new crafting skills, such as Glassmaking, Blacksmithing, Pottery, Masonry, and Knapping. It is clear that a bunch of effort was made to change the crafting system and expand what a player can do. However, Pottery and Glassmaking are slow to level and don’t offer much to the player in terms of utility. Blacksmithing offers tons of amazing utility, but is one of the worst grinds this game has ever seen. Masonry and Knapping are somewhere in between. The schizophrenic developers are saying with one voice, “Check out these new toys,” and then with another voice, saying, “This game isn’t about thriving in the apocalypse; this is how you died.”

I’m not sure I’m getting the idea completely across, and that’s okay. I’m enjoying the game, and most of the things I would normally complain about can be addressed just by loading a few quality-of-life mods.

Conclusion

Project Zomboid is a good game, but something of an acquired taste. I don’t think this game is for everyone. However, it is widely configurable, with tons of mods available, making it a game that potentially anyone could enjoy.

By the time Build 42 came out, I had stopped playing. I returned a little bit reluctantly, but now I’m playing with more enthusiasm. I’m also playing with easier settings, trying to keep the experience more relaxing. That’s weird to say about a zombie apocalypse game, but it’s true. Clearing a town, building a base, securing power and food… these can be very relaxing and enjoyable experiences.

In my current solo run, I named my character Bella, after the character from The Repossessed Ghost, and it’s amazing what a name can do. It has been a sort of magical experience. Zomboid Bella can’t cast spells, but she’s exceptionally lucky, and really is thriving and making great progress pushing back the zombie hordes. I will be sad when she eventually dies, because that’s how all Project Zomboid games end. In the mean time, it’s a lot of fun, and special treat when I’m not overwhelmed with other real-life challenges.

I could have sworn I’d done a review of Building Baby Brother by Steven Radecki before, but I can’t find it here. I found a place where I said I would do it, but that was about a year ago.

After spending a day with Steven yesterday, selling books — including Building Baby Brother — it’s time I posted my review for all to see. Or at least, the people that visit this blog.

The Short Review

Here is the short review in case you don’t want any of the story spoiled: This is a fine, short, soft SciFi novel that doesn’t overstay its welcome, and deviates from some of the typical tropes you usually see in similar stories. It’s not a perfect story, but it does its job well enough that I’m comfortable selling it and recommending it.

The Long Review

A young boy, Josh, asks his recently divorced father for a little brother. The father distracts Josh with the promise of more toys, dodges the bullet, but the idea is stuck in his head, further complicated by watching the movie AI by Kubrick and Spielberg. As a software developer by trade, he gets the idea that maybe, just maybe, he can give Josh exactly what he wants.

If you’re hoping for some harder SciFi around building the robot and AI, you’ll be disappointed. The story sort of handwaves the construction of the child robot away. There probably could have been a version of this story where we see the father struggle more to bring his constructed child to life, but this is a shorter story, and we don’t spend too much time lingering on overcoming the technical achievement.

Josh is introduced to his new robot baby brother, which is named Gavin, and they hit it off. Gavin’s prime directive, as it were, is to make Josh happy, and part of that is learning and growing, to become a better brother to Josh over time.

Gavin grows beyond his creator’s expectations, and there are several sections where the father and Gavin converse about Gavin and Gavin’s perspective. These sections remind me the most of stories about Data in Star Trek:TNG, which I very much like.

I don’t want to go too much more into what happens next. I don’t want to spoil the whole story. I will say that other stories like this, where the robot is created and begins to grow beyond its creator’s intentions, the robot turns evil and has to be put down for the good of humanity. That’s not where this story goes.

In fact, this story is less concerned with science, engineering, robotics, and AI. It’s really about the experience of being a parent, watching your children grow, and learning to let them go when they no longer need you. In that way, the story is very sweet.

I have a few nitpicks I could go into with regards to some of the details, but none of what I have to say on that is important at all. And some of those nitpicks include spoilers for the end of the story, so I’ll keep those to myself.

I will say that I was reading a version of Building Baby Brother that was rife with formatting and editing mistakes. I found those very distracting. The version that is out there now has those things fixed. While at the table yesterday, I had both versions available to me and was able to look and see how the editing mistakes were fixed.

Here is a link where you can buy Building Baby Brother directly from the publisher.

Here is a link where you can get it from bookshop.org.

It’s also on Amazon, but I’ll let you find that link on your own. Bezos doesn’t need the extra advertisement.

It’s short. It reads relatively quickly. And Steven Radecki is a great guy, and I think it would make his heart swell if you were to buy his book and give it a read.

When you do, let me know what you think of it.

It’s Saturday night. I’m sitting at my desk, having just eaten junk food for dinner, and I’m listening to a bunch of acoustic Chris Cornell songs. This is what I look like when I’m trying to quickly recover from an event.

The event today was Wordstock, the 1st instance of this annual event, in Stockton.

Let’s turn the rest of this into an informal Q&A. We all love those.

How was the event? It must have really been something if you’re binging on soulful, sad music and eating cheeseburgers.

The event was okay, but very lightly attended. There were panels, and live readings, both prose and poetry, and there was a taco truck, and pizza, and soft drinks, and a pitching event. Lots of good stuff.

Just not a ton of people, so we didn’t have a ton of sales.

Also, it was ridiculously hot. Too hot for an October afternoon in Stockton.

Are you bummed out about the sales?

Not really. Most of the people that came to our table bought something. Compared to the other vendors, we did really well, at nearly $100 for the day. Other vendors averaged around $45. It didn’t cost us anything, other than our time and gas, so that’s basically a win.

It did cost me $80 to fill my mustang, but I needed to do that, anyway. I wasn’t going to be able to put off fueling my vehicle forever.

Also, I wouldn’t say I’m bummed, per se.

Then what is all this recovery business about?

The event was lightly attended and easier than many I’ve done this year, but it still took a lot out of me. I was recently sick, and I don’t think I’m at 100% yet. Helping setup, and staying present physically and mentally took a toll on me. Driving to Stockton was the longest car trip I’ve taken since coming back from the cruise. And I had to get up early in order to get there by around 7:30AM for setup.

Once I got home, I needed to sit down and recharge, in all ways.

And sometimes these Chris Cornell binges just sort of happen on their own. No one sings like him anymore.

Are you sure you’re okay?

I’m good. Just tired, kind of emotional, and needing some comfort food and comfort music. By tomorrow, I should be right as rain. I hope.

Anything else about Wordstock?

Yeah, I think the event has a lot of potential. The world is still hungry for books. San Jose recently had a book festival, while Melissa and I were on the cruise, and I hear it was phenomenal. The Sacramento book festival has been incredible year after year, and it keeps getting bigger.

I think Wordstock has the potential. It takes a few years for events like this to build up word of mouth and inertia. The staff was extremely friendly, helpful, and even provided a bunch of free food for us vendors and participants. They have the right stuff.

For them to succeed in the future, they’ll need to find more ways to get the word out. And, from what I heard, they’ll need to figure out ways to get the event to pay for itself, maybe through charging vendors like us a small fee.

Or, maybe they just need to keep doing exactly what they’ve been doing, because like I said before, it takes a couple years before the event becomes big enough and settled enough that people just know about it.

Money and attendance aside, there was one thing that happened that made the entire event worth it, at least to me. There were a couple of High School kids that came to booth, excited about books and fiction. One is a fledgling writer, and I had the opportunity to give her encouragement, the kind of encouragement that fanned the flames when I was at her point in my writing journey. She and her brother both lit up when I spoke to them.

That, to me, made it all worth it. It made my day. Maybe my whole weekend.

Will you attend Wordstock next year?

I don’t see why not. Steven and I both had a good time.

I think that’s all I have to say about the event today. I still have a query to write and send out, before the weekend is over. Not tonight, though. Definitely not tonight.