About 24 years ago, I went to the theater and watched Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within. I don’t remember that much about the movie, other than it had some imagery that disturbed me. One thing I do remember is that the experience of watching that movie taught me something about villainy that I’ll never forget. That is, my favorite villains are the ones that seem like they could be a real person.

Mustache-twirling figures in dark robes, cackling as lightning crashes above in a starless night sky… there’s a time and a place for those characters, but they’ve never been my favorite. I like villains that are more like Macbeth. You can see their motivations, and maybe even imagine doing what they did, if you were in their position.

To a certain point, Killmonger in the Black Panther movie was another good example of a well crafted villain. Until he burned the heart-shaped flowers, one could just about imagine him as the hero. He did some terrible things, but he was fighting for something and his motivations were clear.

Today’s villains in real life are, unfortunately, not so well written. Masked men pulling teachers out of schools and disappearing them in vans. A president standing by, looking bored and annoyed as someone visiting him lays on the floor needing medical attention. A Speaker of the House putting the House of Representatives on paid vacation while the administration denies food funding for the elderly and children. An entire political party using starvation as a bargaining tactic in order to revoke health care subsidies and maybe sneak some anti-abortion legislation in, as a special treat.

I couldn’t put any of these people in my stories and have it be an enjoyable story. It’s cartoonish villainy, and one-note motivation: greed. There’s a bit of racism involved, too, but that’s only for selecting the targets to go through the for-profit incarceration system.

To write a modern day villain, you have to depict them as valuing money more than any human life. I don’t really think the GOP is entirely filled with Nazis, though there are definitely some. To be a Nazi is to believe in a race-based worldview, an ideology that there is one race greater than all the others. When I look at what’s going with the bowing and scraping to oligarchs, I’m seeing a belief system around money, not people.

It’s all about the money. Maybe it has always been that way, but things under Trump are more clear and obvious.

The current Mel Walker story I’m working on takes place in the summer of 2024, well before the election. I have thoughts for a third and final Mel Walker novel, but I really don’t think I want to write it. The Mel Walker stories take place in what is recognizably our world. There is magic and ghosts and people with psychic gifts, but the geography and history and feel of the world is ours.

The Repossessed Ghost takes place in November 2013. The Psychic on the Jury takes place sometime between 2016 and 2019, though it could be any year. It’s a small story very much local to Sacramento. In a sense, I skipped Trump’s first term, and I try to keep the Mel Walker stories apolitical. Reading my blog, I’m quite obviously politically opinionated, and anti-Trump, but Mel Walker isn’t me, and I really do try to make my stories a break from reality.

The same holds for The Psychic Out of Time. It’s not a political screed. I’m not writing Animal Farm, and I have no interest in doing so. I want to entertain and provide escapism.

Truth be told, I want to focus on the good people can do. I want to talk about the transformative power of love. I want to feel and make other people feel hope and triumph after overcoming tragedy. I want to depict heroes overcoming their flaws in order to stand up and do what’s right. I want to paint pictures of justice with my words.

I don’t much like living in Trump’s world, and I don’t have a lot of interest in writing about it. So, I’m not sure there will be another Mel Walker story after The Psychic Out of Time, because it’s supposed to be about The End of the World, and I don’t know how I’m going to be able to capture that when The End of Our World is this cyberpunk dystopia, in which an oligarch can arrange a trillion dollar payout while regular folks struggle to pay rent and put food on the table.

It’s November 3rd, and I promise I’m not going to write a blog post every day in November. That’s not how you finish a novel, though it is a good way to prepare for finishing a novel. Maybe I should write a blog post every day, and then in December, finish my next book around Christmas.

In the mean time, I’m showing up again to do some writing, and this feels like a good way to warm up. It’s also a good excuse for me to talk a little bit about the struggles of my current story, hopefully without giving any spoilers.

Before I talk about The Psychic Out of Time, though… I’ve noticed an uptick in traffic here lately, and according to Jetpack, about half of the new traffic is from China.

Are you or someone you know maintaining a blog, and are you also seeing a lot of traffic from China? I’m guessing it’s a bot or something technical, like maybe someone training an AI. But why blogs? My posts are rife with typos and incorrect words (homonyms are my Kryptonite — I really do need an editor), so if they’re training on me, they’re poisoning their well.

It’s fun to fantasize that I somehow have fans in China, but since none of my work has ever been translated out of English, that seems unlikely.

At this point, it doesn’t seem to matter. It piques my curiosity. Maybe there’s a thread there that will lead to a fun story.

Speaking of stories, allow me to talk broadly about The Psychic Out of Time. No spoilers. Just things that will probably show up in the blurb.

Mel Walker is a psychic that can see the past. With that in mind, The Repossessed Ghost and The Psychic on the Jury are stories involving time displacement, but it’s safe and it kind of makes sense. Mel isn’t going back to the past and making changes. While his feet are firmly planted in the present, he looks at the past and sees things that he wasn’t present for. We can understand this because we do this all the time with cameras.

In The Psychic Out of Time, Mel meets Holly, a psychic that sees the future. Mel looks backward, she looks forward, and when they first meet, they converse across the span of time. In fact, the first time Mel meets Holly is not the first time Holly meets Mel.

I like time travel stories, and I have to write this like one, even though none of the characters actually travel through time. I have to consider causality, free will, and where each character is on their journey through the narrative. It needs to make sense, be easy to follow, and avoid some of the things time travel stories get wrong without being obvious about it.

It’s fun, but it’s hard. I keep hitting these points where I have to stop and really think. The characters can’t travel through time, but through their interactions, information is able to move forwards and backwards, which is just as bad or worse.

I’m trying to write the next Mel Walker story. Not the next Tenet, as much as I loved that movie.

That’s where I’m at, anyway. The work day went okay, but I’m a little bit behind on some stuff, and that sucks. I may need to work late tomorrow. If that’s the case, you probably won’t hear from me until Thursday, as I already have plans for Wednesday evening.

Maybe I’ll sneak some writing/blogging time in earlier in the day. Who knows? Maybe Holly knows, but she hasn’t told me yet.

It’s Sunday afternoon, and I have all of my other chores basically finished for the day. For the next hour or so, I’m going to keep working on The Psychic Out of Time. As a warm up, I thought I’d write a quick update.

I’ve really been enjoying Chuck Wendig‘s apple reviews. He started doing them on Twitter a long time ago. They’re funny, informative, and a reasonable introduction to his voice and writing style. Reasonable, because Chuck has a pretty broad range, and these reviews tend to highlight his humor more than his horror.

Melissa and I have been enjoying Cosmic Crisps, but because of Chuck’s reviews, I picked up some other apples yesterday while we were at the store. We have more Cosmic Crisps, some Galas, some Envies, some Asian Pears, and a couple of Opals.

It’s the Opal I’m trying today. Here it is untouched.

When Chuck does his apple reviews, he records himself eating them and gives some brief analysis in a video, posted to Instagram.

When I consume apples, I make it easy on myself. I take the corer/slicer and split my apple in one clean CHUNK. It comes out looking like this:

This would be a good time to note that Chuck is also a photographer, and I’m just snapping these in my kitchen, with my phone.

One of the reasons I picked the Opal is because Chuck recently did a review of one.

How does my Opal compare?

It’s good. The flesh was a little bit softer than I expected when I cut it, but it’s firm enough with each bite that I don’t feel like I’m eating a sponge. I’m finding this apple to be more tart than anything. There is juice, but my mouth feels a little dry after eating a few pieces.

There is a note in mine that I can’t identify. When I try to find the words, I come away with “yellow,” “lemon,” and “flower petals,” though none of those descriptions are quite right. It’s not lemony or sour, though there might be a hint of that underneath the tart. The fruit is obviously yellow, but “yellow” as a flavor descriptor is right, in the same way “purple” is the right word to describe certain flavors of Kool-aid.

It’s a very pleasant apple. I think I like the Cosmic Crisp more, but this is good, and I’m glad we picked up more than one.

On an unrelated note, I made some great progress on the woefully late WXR 2025 keyboard. I’ve got a print for the base that accepts the chip perfectly. I have some tiny screws for affixing the ESP32 to the case, but it fits so snug that it doesn’t really need them. I had to iterate several times on this, but I think I finally have it.

I’m still uncommitted on an official Novel Month thing, but I’m two days in a row showing up to write, and that’s good enough for now. We’ll see what Monday is like when I have to get back to the regular daily grind.

Happy November, everyone!

As I’m writing this, I’m sitting at a Shut Up and Write. It’s the first Saturday of the month, so the group has a mini marathon going on at this community center at the Bel Air off of Arden. It’s kind of a weird venue, but it’s not bad. The only down side is the wifi is absolute garbage, so I need to use my phone as a hot spot.

Let’s talk about Novel Writing Month, and a little bit about the deceased group, NaNoWriMo.

The organization imploded, for good reasons as far as I’m concerned. First there was the event involving child grooming, which the organization didn’t handle very well. Then the org, strapped for cash, sold its soul to an LLM company and violated the spirit of the month. The organization sucked, but the writers that showed up to the events are awesome, and they’re still out there.

I’m sure at some point this month, I’m going to stumble into a Panera, probably in the evening, where I’ll find a bunch of friends huddled over their laptops.

What becomes of all these stories? Are the words wasted? Is it bad in the first place to put all this effort into writing 50,000 words in 30 days?

I can’t speak for everyone, but my November projects turn into novels that I’m willing to stand by and sell. That’s how The Repossessed Ghost came into being. On the back burner, waiting to find an agent, I also have Spin City and Synthetic Dreams. And three or four other projects which aren’t as far along, but that I have every intention of finishing before I’m done.

Not all NaNoWriMo projects go on to find readers. Not all of them are ever even finished. I’m not sure that matters, though. The act of sitting down and putting words on the page is a reward unto itself. It’s good training, good practice, and in a lot of cases, good just to be out in the world participating with others as part of a community.

But why November? Why aren’t those people writing during the rest of the year?

I remember talking with someone about this, and they were of the opinion that NaNoWriMo is bad, actually, because “it burns people out, and encourages people to only write during November.” That was his assessment, which I disagreed with then, and I disagree with now.

It’s true that some people that show up in November only write during that time. Would those people write at all if NaNoWriMo didn’t exist? Now that the organization is dead, will those people still write in November?

I don’t think they will, because I think those people were showing up for the community. I’m not saying that they’re not writers, but I think they aren’t looking to make writing a career the way I am. I think they’re mostly hobbyists, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Having a little bit of extra external pressure to get words on the page isn’t necessarily a bad thing. That’s what the month has always been for me, and while my first experience with finishing 50k in 30 days led to me burning out for a little while, I don’t blame NaNoWriMo, or even think my experience was common.

That is to say, as I was writing the first draft of The Repossessed Ghost, I wrote the first 25k words from November 1st through November 26th. I wrote the next 25k from the 27th through the 30th, and that is what burned me out. I didn’t write again until January.

Am I participating this year?

I guess? You’re not going to get a strong commitment out of me right now as I have a lot going on, and my emotions have been an absolute roller coaster. I’m going to try and prioritize writing more this month. I’m going to take each day as they arrive. I really, really want to finish The Psychic Out of Time as soon as I can, but I also want to be kind to myself and not feel too disappointed if I get to the end of the month and there’s still more to do.

Today is the 1st. I’m at Shut Up and Write. I’m going to try and get 2k words written today, and we’ll see what tomorrow brings.

What are you up to this month?

Tonight’s post is a personal update. It’s a little bit of a bummer, and it’s one of the ways I deal with my emotions so that I can get back to writing. If my more emotional check-ins aren’t you’re thing, you can skip this one. Maybe we’ll talk about Novel Writing Month soon.

Last week, someone I cared for very much wrote to tell me we could no longer be friends. He said I undermined him at every turn, that I made his other friends uncomfortable, but mostly, he was upset that I let something happen at an event that undermines his value in the community.

There’s a bit to unpack there, and I’m not trying to make his beef with me a public thing. Maybe there are other things going on his life which led to him blaming me for things I have no control over. There is no point in arguing the points, because the reality is that him cutting me out of his life is doing me a favor, emotionally and financially. It’s better not to crowd your life with one-sided friendships, but I was never going to tell him to shove off because I cared for him so damn much.

It’s that last part that I’m trying to work through. That, and all the other self doubt I carry with me all the time. There are a lot of voices in my head, many of which are telling me things that are simply untrue. But sometimes, events like this give support to those voices, and it makes it harder for me to get through these already troubling days.

For example, there is some part of me that is convinced that I am a difficult person to like. A long time ago, someone that was neither a friend nor a foe told me that when I’m around, I suck all of the oxygen out of the room. His words have stayed with me for 30 years.

I think about my mother, and all the ways I’m like her. She was a difficult person to like. Competitive to a fault, she loved to embellish stories and pull all of the attention to herself. She always had to be right. And when she was angry, she was cruel. She possessed a great deal of empathy, and if you pissed her off, she would weaponize that empathy in order to say things that would leave deep, lasting scars.

I try not to be like that, but I am her son. I am competitive to a fault. I love to tell stories. Sometimes, I enjoy being the center of attention, but I’ve learned that sharing the spotlight is much more fun. I try to manage my anger, and when I’m upset, I’m more likely to withdraw and go away, so that I don’t say something I will regret later.

It was early in the week when I got the email, and I had a lot of processing to do. It affected my sleep, which affected my work. I didn’t work at all on Thursday. Going to bed Friday, I wasn’t sure I wanted to go to the No Kings rally.

Saturday morning came, though, and I found myself moving. I left the house, took the lightrail downtown, and met up with my friend Mike in front of the capitol.

Honestly, it was a good time. Lots of good signs. Lots of good energy, and it is encouraging to see so many people exercising their right to protest, because what Trump and his squad of sycophants are doing needs to be protested.

Since the protest, I’ve been feeling better. I still have some processing to do, but I’m free. There is a weight I’ve been carrying for a while, and I’m not sure I realized it until just now that I’m a little bit lighter without that person in my life.

Which leads me to the next weird email I received just last night, which I guess I’ll talk about.

It starts off like this:

First, let me say how much I admire your inventive approach to blending supernatural mystery with grounded, character-driven storytelling. I recently discovered The Repossessed Ghost and The Psychic on the Jury and was immediately struck by your ability to merge the eerie with the everyday. Your writing feels cinematic yet sincere, rich with atmosphere and subtle humor that gives the paranormal genre a refreshing twist.

There’s more like that, and on first read, it was fairly convincing. It includes details about my books which are mostly accurate. The main thrust of the email is that they are a book promoter, and they want to offer their services to help me reach more readers.

A few red flags stood out to me. First, they addressed the email to a bunch of “Brian Buhl” addresses. One was my work address. Several of the addresses were Brian Buhls I do not recognize. The last address was Bryanna Buhl, my daughter.

It’s honestly really easy to get a hold of me. I read all of the comments on this blog, and all of the non-spam messages sent via the “Contact Me” form. I’m pretty sure this blog is the first thing that comes up when someone searches for “Brian C. E. Buhl.”

The next red flag was their name. There’s nothing wrong with the name they gave: Shannon J. Sain. The problem is that when you search for them with relation to book marketing, there are no results. If they’re doing a great job of promoting other people’s work, it shouldn’t be hard to find them.

I eventually posted to Bluesky and asked if anyone had received something similar. Someone pointed out that Victoria Strauss has recently been writing about this scam. On one of her posts, I found an example which matched the pattern of the email I received. Turns out it’s from Nigeria.

It sucks to get your hopes up, and it sucks to be the target of a scam like that. At the same time, it feels pretty good to see through it. The only real pain from this event is knowing that someone fed my information and potentially my stories into the machine and used AI to generate the email. Up until now, I think my work had flown under the radar and had not been given to an LLM.

I think that covers it. I’m a little bit stalled an my writing, and on the WXR 2025 keyboard I need to finish. I’m hoping that I make progress on both this weekend. For now, I’m not going to beat myself up too much.

Wherever you are, I hope you’re doing well, and surrounded by friends that care about you.

It’s 10:30PM on a Friday night, and I just got home from watching Tron: Ares.

Like the rest of my reviews, I’ll start with non-spoiler impressions. Then I’ll give a warning, just before going into spoilers.

General Impressions and Overall Experience

I went in with very low expectations, and walked pretty happy! I had a good time!

Like Tron: Legacy, the music stands alone. Absolutely fantastic. I’m sure I’ll listen to the music outside the theater just like I did with Legacy. It was the one aspect of the movie I had high expectations for, and it did not disappoint.

The visuals were great! I liked the look and feel of this movie, both in the real-world and on the grid. There’s more I’ll say about that in the spoiler section.

From the trailers, I thought this was going to be a different movie, one that I wasn’t as excited for. The reality exceeded my expectations, which is good.

The story was fine. Serviceable. It didn’t evoke huge emotions, but I don’t need that from every movie. It was fine, and made better with one piece of headcanon, which I’ll talk about in the spoilers section.

For this movie to work for you the way it worked for me, you do have to turn your brain off a little bit when it comes to technology. It’s the same issues brought up in the other two Tron movies, so the fantastical technological issues in this movie are not new. If you’re a fan of the other movies, this won’t be a problem for you.

Overall, I had a good time. I’m not going to be in a rush to see it in the theater again. I wouldn’t mind owning it and putting it with the other two Tron movies.

Spoilers Below

I’m about to get into spoilers. This is opening night, so if you want to see this movie unspoiled, stop reading. Delete the email, close the browser tab… whatever you have to do.

End of spoiler warnings.

You have been warned.

Okay.

Here goes.

I think a person can enjoy this movie without having seen the original two, though they still have the issue I mentioned where they need to turn off parts of their brain. There are some physics problems around bringing things out of the computer, into the real-world. There are logic problems around programs functioning in the real-world.

It’s techno-magic, established in the first movie, expanded a little in the second, and expanded much further in this one.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Not every story needs to be grounded in dry, unwavering realism. Not everything is directed by Christopher Nolan. It really is fine to enjoy a story that’s impossible. Eat your popcorn and enjoy the show.

So, it’s possible for someone new to the franchise to enjoy this movie, but some parts really lean in to deliver extra tasty crumbs for Tron diehards. Some of this is nostalgia bait. Some of it is world-building. Some of it is just for fun and style.

For example, when Ares goes to the original grid from the first movie. It’s nostalgia, but it’s also fun. I especially like that the music comes up with the original score.

Now that I’ve mentioned Ares, let’s talk about the elephant in the room. Jared Leto. How did he do?

To be honest, I think he did fine! I didn’t hate him in this role. I found him sympathetic, and I had no problem rooting for his character. Some people can’t look at his face without thinking of the weird (and sometimes scummy) things he’s done off-screen. In this movie, I thought he was fine. At no point did he turn to the camera and say, “It’s Morbin’ Time.”

Maybe he’s saving that for the next movie.

Let’s get to that head canon I mentioned at the top of this, then wrap this whole thing up.

Julian Dillinger, played excellently by Evan Peters, is a scumbag, and the first person to talk to Ares in the beginning of the movie. Ares asks, “Who am I?” and Dillinger says, “You’re Ares. You’re master control. I made you.”

I don’t think Julian is telling the complete truth. I don’t think Julian created Ares. I think he repurposed him from a program conspicuously absent in the entire movie.

My headcanon is this: Julian got a hold of Tron and repurposed him, turning him into Ares. Similar to how Clu repurposed Tron into Rinzler in Tron: Legacy.

The opening scenes support this. Fledgling Ares appears on screen and is struck down. He appears again, defends himself, but is struck down again. And again. He’s forced to learn. Come up to speed. All the while, he is masked, looking very similar to Rinzler from Legacy. We even see him fight with two discs for a moment, just like Tron/Rinzler.

It makes the interaction between Ares and Flynn make more sense, too. I think Flynn recognized the Tron in Ares, which is why he was so amused by him, and so willing and eager to help him.

If Ares is made from Tron, it explains why he broke from his orders. It explains his “malfunction” as it were.

I’m stating this theory like it’s not obvious, but the movie is not explicit about this. That’s why I’m treating it as headcanon, and thinking about it while watching the movie improved my enjoyment of it.

I had fun with this movie. I’m glad I saw it. I would not be upset if they made another one. Given how empty the theater was, I think this is the last Tron movie I’ll ever get to see.

End of Spoilers

Did you see it? What did you think of it? Do you like Tron like I do? Let me know.

And whatever you’re up to, I hope you have a great weekend.

I’ve had a great time!

It’s not quite over. We still have this last day. A couple of meals, a farewell party, and then tomorrow we disembark and make our various ways home. Melissa, Mike, and I will get our rental car and drive back to Sacramento. Most other people will be flying back to their homes. And then we all have the weekend to recover.

I think I’ll pretend this post is a sort of Q&A.

What has the cruise been like for you this year?

It’s been really nice. I think this is the first year I’ve struck a really good balance between productivity and play time. Including notes and blog posts, I think I’ve written around 10k words this week. In the evenings, I’ve hung out with friends, played games, or just relaxed.

Melissa has expressed a sentiment that we didn’t spend as much time together as we have on other cruises. The main reason for that is that I’ve gone into a “writing cave” several times on the cruise. Neither one of us drink much, so we didn’t spend any time at the R Bar with the rest of the writers. We’ve had some time together, but we mostly went different directions this cruise. Since we were wanting to do different things all week, I think that’s okay.

What have you been working on?

I’m so glad you asked! I’ve continued to advance The Psychic on the Jury, adding around 8k words to this first draft. The really big thing I’ve done, though, is I completed the outline. I’m pretty sure I’ve talked about the outline for this story before. I banged my head on it for months, not really making much progress, until I eventually gave up on it altogether. I figured that a Mel Walker story is one that must be discovered more than planned.

After getting into it for a bit and finally meeting Holly on the page, I cracked the code to this story. I see the whole thing now, beginning, middle, and end. And I like it! I think this is going to be a really good story. I’m not sure how I feel about this first draft so far, but as I keep telling people, artistry happens during revision. The first draft just has to exist. And, thanks to this cruise, a lot more of it has come into existence.

There are some really fun characters in this story. There’s one or two I haven’t seen on the page yet, but I think I know what they’re going to be like. One psychic named Kyle is going to be particularly interesting to write, since he is such an asshole.

If you’re a writer and you have an opportunity to join Writing Excuses for one of their retreats, I highly recommend it. In the past, they’ve had a few smaller ones on land, like when we went to Bear Lake in Utah and got up close and personal with horses and falcons. The cruise has left out of LA for the last two years, and I have heard reliable rumors that next year, it will be leaving from somewhere else. Not Texas, and not Florida.

How have you been really?

Well, I have had internet access the entire time, so I’ve been able to peek out from beneath my security blanket and observe the stupid, stupid world.

We boarded a big cruise ship and isolated ourselves from the world, but I still carry my brain gremlins wherever I go. For the most part, I was able to stay distracted with writing and fun, but there were moments when I slowed down a little and felt some feelings, not all of which were nice.

I hit a couple of low points throughout the week, and I’m on the verge of one now. Why am I feeling low? Because of everything. The world is on fire and run by the stupidest people to ever seek office. The publishing world is whacky. Tech bros want to eliminate all of my favorite activities using spicy spellcheck. There are real, terrible things going on and at the same time, my brain likes to chew on things that aren’t real. Things like, “No one likes you” and “You’re not good enough” and “You deserve to be alone.”

Why do I do this to myself? I don’t know. Am I going to seek help for any of it? Probably not.

It’s all stacked on top of each other. One of the ways in which the world is broken is healthcare. People get sick, and they have to start a GoFundMe just to get basic levels of care. The economy is on the precipice, my current job and the job I wish I had are both in danger, and it seems like I’m one broken tooth or bout of depression away from managed healthcare hoovering up all our savings.

One night, I stood along the railings, watching the dark water churn beneath the ship, and I thought I saw a hint of our future. Not just mine, but yours, too. We’re all going to wind up under the water, desperately trying to get our heads above so we can breathe. Some will pull others down in their desperate efforts. Some will swim the wrong way. There is so much needless struggling in front of us. It could have all been avoided.

Well. That’s enough of that.

I really did have had a good time. Good people. Good writing.

I’ve missed pretty much all of the classes, but they’re getting recorded, and I think I’m making the right choice. During the time when the class is being recorded, I have the energy and opportunity to write. Later, when I’m at home and feeling like I’m drowning in work, I’ll be able to put on the videos of the class. Maybe that will inspire me to get back to writing.

I hope you’ve all had a good week. It’s sad to see this cruise coming to an end, but I’m also looking forward to getting home to my kids and my cats and familiar rooms.

I also have to get back home and finish the keyboard. Someone is going to win it tonight. I need to finish it and send it to them, because they’ve earned it.

It’s Sunday. I think. When you’re on a cruise, it is really easy to lose track of which day of the week it is. Fortunately, crew go into the elevators and rotate the “day plate” on the floor of the elevator. The last elevator I rode told me it was Sunday, and I believe it. So welcome to Sunday.

If I didn’t make it obvious before, or if it is unclear, I’m attending the 2025 Writing Excuses Retreat at sea. We’re just coming into Cabo, though I won’t be getting off the ship. Tomorrow is Mazatlan. The next day after that, Puerto Vallarta.

I’m not getting off the ship, but don’t feel bad for me. These were the same ports we enjoyed last year. Also last year, we did went on a sailboat excursion that led to some really bad sunburns on my feet. I was pathetic, and it was memorable enough that people are still making jokes about it this year. I’m staying out of the sun, and I’m taking advantage of the quiet times to get a bunch of writing done.

Continuing to compare and contrast last year to this year, I am getting a lot more writing on the page. Last year, I played a bunch of board games and hung out with my friends. It’s what I needed the most. This year, I still need that, but I also need to get the next Mel Walker story finished. I’m really hoping to get the first draft done before the end of the year. It would be neat to publish it at Baycon 2026, but that might not be in the cards. I don’t know yet. Have to finish the story first and see.

I’m writing this post as a way of priming the pump, as it were. I’m less than 500 words away from a scene I’ve been looking forward to for a long time. I’m really excited to get to it and the character that will be introduced. I would tell you more, but I don’t want to spoil anything. It’s going to be special.

It seems like every year, I hit an emotional low point on the cruise. Something happens, someone says or does something, and I have to go off and process for a little while. I’m going through that now.

The event this for this year took place at dinner last night. Dinners during the retreat are special. We’re assigned a different table each night of the cruise, forcing us to mingle with different people. Instructors are then able to spread their time and attention more evenly across all the attendees. It’s a well executed system. Fun for extroverts, a little bit of a social challenge for introverts. I like the system. I go into each meal with the aim of making each person at the table feel heard.

Last night, the chemistry at the table was a bit off. There was at least one really strong personality that kept crushing the conversations and bringing it back to them. This is something I’m terrified I’ll do myself, and I try really hard not to be that person.

At the end of the dinner, Melissa and I were sort of exhausted. We talked about it this morning, and Melissa said she was close to getting up and leaving the table last night. She really didn’t have a good time. That sucks, and it recontextualizes the whole evening for me.

Maybe there’s a lesson I can pull from the experience.

Across the hall from me at this moment, Mary Robinette is teaching a class on tension. I feel like I have a handle on that in my writing, so I opted to go in one of the other conference rooms and write. Is there something I can pull together from last night’s dinner debacle, and relate it to the idea of presenting tension in stories?

I believe the first tool the writer can reach for when building tension is empathy. The reader tends to feel what the character feels. Do something to the main character that makes them tense, and the reader will feel it, too.

If I were the viewpoint character in last night’s dinner debacle, there would be descriptions of me taking a drink in order to swallow my words. Moments of me stopping and quietly breathing, holding back sharp rebuttals that would do nothing but lower my social standing in the group. A time or two, I reached over and held Melissa’s hand beneath the table, offering reassurance through touch. I would describe everyone’s eyes on the person that usurped the socially dominate position at the table, allowing no other opinion to be expressed that did not match their own.

Without stakes, there can be no tension. The classic Hitchcock example is showing a time bomb under a table. The reader or viewer has the information, but the characters do not. A couple sits at the table and they talk. They can talk about anything, and the person experiencing the story is on the edge of their seat. They know that there is a bomb about to go off, and the anticipation is exquisite. The stakes are obvious in this example. It’s also an example where empathy is not used. The characters feel calm, chatting it up as if their lives aren’t in danger.

Perhaps tension is the product of conflict and stakes. In the Hitchcock example, the conflict is between what the audience knows and what the characters know. Characters can have all the information, but when their conflict is with each other or the environment or some part of the plot, the tension comes from the stakes involved.

Imagine a character that’s found themselves in a trap. There is a gun on a tripod pointed at their head. An elaborate series of strings and pulleys attaches the trigger of the gun to the victim’s arms. They can try to free themselves, but if they move their arms too much, the gun will go off. We can describe this and go through the actions of the character, and as long as we believe the gun is loaded and lethal, the tension is high. If it’s a water gun, on the other hand, the stakes drop, as does the tension.

That’s probably enough for now. I’m having a good time on the cruise. I’m getting lots of writing done, and I’m having fun with this community. If you get a chance to join one of these, I highly recommend it. Next year, we won’t be leaving out of LA. I’m not at liberty to say where the next one will be leaving from, but I can tell you that it’s one you’ll want to do.

The alternate title for this post would be: Writing Through My Feelings.

Melissa, Mike Baltar, and I have arrived in LA. We drove down in a rental car, dropped it off at LAX, and caught the hotel shuttle. Tonight, the Retreat will kick off with packets and a brief orientation for the new folk. Tomorrow morning, we’ll get up, have breakfast at the hotel, then bus to the port to board The Navigator of the Seas.

I’m a ball of emotions. Some of them are the standard sort you should feel when presented with the end of the world. We don’t need to talk about those right now. Maybe later.

The ones I need to talk about are more personal.

The most minor of them are the feelings I think I always get before the retreat. Do I belong here? Should I stop coming to make sure there’s room for others? Do the people in this community even like me?

I recognize the insecurity that gives birth to those questions and emotions, and I don’t take them all too seriously. The doubts are still present in my mind, but I don’t give them energy to chew on and sustain themselves. There are people in this community that like me very much. There is plenty of room for other people in the retreat and, in fact, I help make room for new voices by donating to the WXR scholarship fund. As to whether or not I belong here, that’s subjective. It doesn’t matter if I belong here or not. I’m here.

The worst emotion I’m enduring right now is disappointment. I didn’t finish the keyboard on time. I came close, but I could not get it to close.

I’ve been making keyboards as a WXR giveaway for the last several years, and I wanted it to be special this year. It hurts so much to come up empty handed. I knew it was a possibility going into it, and I stated it up front. I hoped I’d overcome, and I did not.

Going into the creation of the new keyboard, I wasn’t ready. There were some skills I lacked. In the last week or two, I’ve developed them, and I know that the next time I try to make a keyboard like this, it will be a success. It feels great that I’ve grown and learned, but it still sucks that I didn’t achieve my goal.

It’s a hard way to kick off the retreat. There will still be someone winning the keyboard. I’m still going to finish it. I’ll just ship it to them once the keyboard is ready.

I didn’t complete the keyboard on time, but it’s not the end of the world. No one else is disappointed in me. It’s entirely me, in my head and heart, wanting to have this special thing done.

There is one other emotion I should address, and that’s fear. I have a manuscript to finish. Last year on the cruise, I didn’t write much at all. I needed the break, and I played games with cool people. I had a good time, but it wasn’t as productive as I wanted it to be.

What I’m afraid of is that I’ll get on the ship with this community, and I’ll get distracted again and once again, not get any writing done. That will mean more disappointment on top of disappointment. Not something I’m excited to bear.

The story is good. I just need to get into it and let inspiration take me where it will. And I’m right before a scene I’ve been looking forward to writing for a very long time. Maybe once I get into that scene, writing will come easy and I’ll just keep going.

We’ll see!

Hey guys. Brian here.

It’s been a few weeks and I still haven’t written final thoughts on WorldCon. To be honest, it was mostly great! There was one tiny fly in the soup, which I don’t need to talk about here. The people were great. I sold a bunch of books. I had great food and great company. I’m looking forward to doing it again in LA next year.

One of the reasons I haven’t written a post in a little while is that I’ve been furiously trying to build a new keyboard for the upcoming Writing Excuses Retreat. For the last several years at the retreat, I’ve given away keyboards, and they’ve all been beautiful and special in their own way. This year, I want it to be unique and even more functional. I want it to be bluetooth and wireless. To accomplish this, I need to change up my game.

Without going too much into the technical weeds, I switched from the Teensy Arduino to the ESP32, which has built-in bluetooth and wifi, as well as a few other features that should make for a great keyboard.

Unfortunately, I’m stuck. I can detect keypresses on every key, but I can only say which row has been pressed. I need both the row and the column in order to determine the key. I have some resistors on order which might be the game changer I need on this front. Otherwise, I’m not going to get this keyboard finished on time, and that hurts.

Okay. Let’s talk about the shootings a little bit, but mostly the media’s coverage.

Charlie Kirk, a racist troll that didn’t give a shit about gun deaths to the point he said, “It’s worth to have a cost of, unfortunately, some gun deaths every single year so that we can have the Second Amendment to protect our other God given rights,” has died.

He was shot and killed, so I suppose he would say that was worth it.

On the same day, a Colorado student shot two others and then himself. If you didn’t hear about that one, it’s not your fault. The media was too busy projecting the theory that the person that shot and killed Charlie Kirk was probably trans. Right-wing pundits and politicians were drumming up hate, threatening retribution and violence on trans people.

And then, it was revealed that the murderer was a young white man from a Republican household. He himself is registered Republican. He posted pictures of himself last year in a Trump costume for Halloween.

As soon as it became inconvenient to pin the murder on a minority, the media storm dried up. They couldn’t change course fast enough, from fomenting violent retribution to praying for the killer.

None of this is surprising. None of this is right. It’s all lies and performance and hatred, and if you spend as much time as I have trying to make it make sense, you’re just going to walk away with a broken heart and wounded faith in humanity.

I’ve seen stuff online suggesting some kind of conspiracy. Charlie Kirk had been one of the few right-wing pundits loudly calling for a release of the Epstein Files, and in the midst of the media storm around that, he died. There’s less talk about the Epstein stuff, for the moment. Isn’t that convenient for Trump?

As I said in another forum: I think the kid was just a lonely idiot that could have used better influences in his life. We are all struggling. The world is fucked up for everyone. And he dealt with it the only way he knew how. I don’t think Trump hired him. I don’t think there’s a conspiracy. Occam’s Razor works pretty well in this case.

I’m really, really looking forward to the day the coup falls apart. They’re too stupid and hateful to work together for much longer. Trump will die, MAGA will explode into a thousand different racist tribes, and maybe we’ll come together to put things back together. Perhaps start with unfucking the Supreme Court and rolling back their pro-King rulings.

There’s one more topic in my subject, and that’s dreaming. I’ve been napping a lot lately, and while I don’t fully remember my dreams, I know that it feels like I’m going somewhere else. A different life, but it’s my life. Different struggles, but they’re my struggles.

I wonder if that’s what the afterlife will be. Slipping from this life into the next, as easily as falling asleep. That sounds nice, to me.

Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing, I hope you’re doing it well, and that you’re happy. Times are hard. Times are unimaginably stupid. Hopefully, we’ll get through them together.