At the beginning of this month, I decided I would try to put myself out in the world more. I said on Twitter (half joking) that it was the #MonthOfBrian. I intended to focus outwardly.

I arranged to go to Portugal, Italy, New Zealand, and a third Writing Excuses cruise. Along with a handful of minor successes, it felt like momentum. People won’t be able to discover my writing if I hide in my garage.

The reality is I entered March with a lot of bluster in order to stay positive and suppress bad, counterproductive feelings. My emotions are irrational and non-negotiable, so I decided to work around.

When the reality of Covid-19 hit home, all my plans went out the window. The trip with Sierra Nevada College canceled first. I recently heard New Zealand WorldCon is canceled, though I personally haven’t received notification. The final decision hasn’t been made the Writing Excuses Cruise, but let’s be real. It’s a cruise. It will be canceled.

I responded to all this by not responding. I all but disappeared from social media. A handful of people reached out to me to check in, and I told them I’m fine.

Am I fine? I don’t know. I would rather have nothing to do with my irrational, non-negotiable emotions. Critical self-analysis has not been my highest priority. Avoidance is the name of the game, both personally and socially.

During this crisis, I try to do the best I can for Melissa and the kids. I work during the working hours. I contribute around the house. In the evening, I play Breath of the Wild.

I haven’t been writing. I haven’t been making plans. I’m not interested in books or movies or music. There’s work, the family, and the nightly video game distraction.

At 2AM today, I finished Breath of the Wild. The game was fantastic and I enjoyed it. But now what?

I used the game to avoid reality, but I don’t think I can do that anymore. I should write. I need to write. I don’t know if I can. Right now, going to that place where the words live is like sticking my naked hand into a hot oven to pull out a pan.

As they say at the end of the podcast, I’m out of excuses. It’s time to roll up my sleeve and get back to work.

It’s March 1st, the beginning of The Month of Brian, and I thought I’d kick it off with a brand new VLOG post!

Today’s VLOG is advice for how to persevere as a writer.

There’s a huge gap of time between this video and the last. The biggest reason for the delay is that I changed hardware between #3 and #4.

My fourth VLOG was going to be called “The Lies of the Writer.” Previously on my blog, I wrote about Fears of the Writer. Later, I wrote a guest post called Pride of the Writer. My next VLOG was to be another in that series. I wrote the script, took my new Surface into my backyard, and tried to record it.

It didn’t work out. The software I used didn’t like to share camera and sound resources, so I didn’t make it very far.

Then life got busy. Mostly work, but also writing projects. I like writing blog posts and making VLOGs, but these activities are at the bottom of my priorities.

Today felt like a good day to try again. And now it’s done!

Let me know what you think of this video. And please share any ideas you may have for future VLOG posts.