I haven’t written much lately.  Actually, I haven’t done any writing in several weeks.

I submitted a good short story to Writer’s of the Future, and some part of me was waiting for a response.  I tried not to get my hopes up to high, but when I didn’t get any notification at all, I started to fret.  I wanted the rejection letter so that I could move on.  Or, I wanted it accepted, and then I could move on.  The absence of any word unsettled me, because in spite of myself, I had let my hopes get pretty high.

It’s all about uncertainty.  I’ve struggled with my confidence, feeling like a pretender every time I tell someone that I’m a writer.  There have been victories in this area, and there have been defeats.  I consider the last few weeks a time of defeat, because I let my lack of confidence rule me, and scare me away from my keyboard.

At the same time, the writers groups I was enjoying evaporated.  A couple of the people in those groups have been enjoying some success, and I am a little bit envious.  I haven’t gone out on my Wednesday writing   Work has also been busy during this time.  And my daughter just graduated from high school.

In terms of writing, the last several weeks have been unsuccessful, but I’ve been living.  I’ve been busy and productive.

The rejection letter from Writers of the Future got me down for a little while, but I think it’s just what I needed.  It was an answer, and it eliminated the uncertainty.  It was also a reminder of the part of me that I’ve allowed to languish.

I know what I have to do.  I have to sit down at the keyboard and pull some words out of my brain.  I’ve tried a couple of things to jump start my muse.  Fear and uncertainty have ruled me, but that’s just part of the journey.  Admitting it here helps.  Sharing helps.

Let’s see if it helps enough.