I hope I didn’t give the impression that I was going to write a blog post every day. I’m going to write more frequent blog posts, but I’m not going to force myself to write one every day. I don’t want them to be forced, and I want them to have slightly more substance.

The plan this morning was to get up, drive my car to Folsom and back, hole up in a Starbucks, and start the next chapter of The Psychic Out of Time. My car needed the drive in order to charge the battery, and since I’m planning on going into the office next week, I need my car functional. Also, Melissa likes it when I drive her around. She’s enjoyed long rides since before we were married.

Unfortunately, the car didn’t start. In fact, my clicker wouldn’t unlock the doors. And, I rediscovered that someone jammed something in the keyhole, so I couldn’t use my key to unlock the door. I couldn’t get inside, so I couldn’t pop the trunk and get access to the battery. Quite the conundrum.

If I were Mel Walker, it wouldn’t have been a problem. He knows his way around cars. He would have known exactly what to do to get the hood open. He knows how to get doors open when you don’t have the key. But I’m not Mel Walker, even if I write him in first person.

Fortunately, there’s enough Mel Walker in me that I was able to solve the problem with a little bit of instruction. I searched online and found a video showing someone opening a similar car as mine. With their model of Mustang, they could go through the grill with a stick to pop the release. With mine, I needed to slide on my back through mud beneath the front bumper, and then trigger the release with a screwdriver.

One quick trip to the auto parts store later, and Melissa and I are sitting in a Starbucks after all. My car is functional with a new battery, and I have a new skill in my back pocket if I ever need to give Mel something to further prove aptitude as a novice mechanic.

This morning, I woke up a little earlier than usual, with The Psychic Out of Time on my mind. When I sat down to write Thursday, I was only going to poke around at the story for thirty minutes or so. I didn’t have a lot of confidence going into the writing session. I wrote for 90 minutes, and I finished the end of chapter one, which had been troubling me for a while.

The only reason I stopped writing was because I wasn’t sure how to start chapter 2. I know what is supposed to be in it, but that’s not the same as knowing how to continue. This morning, I woke up with an answer in mind. So I can keep going.

I’m genuinely happy with how this story is going so far. I don’t know how long it’s going to take me to finish, and there’s still some stuff in the middle and towards the end which are foggy to me, but my confidence in producing a good sequel novel is high right now.

Soon, I’m going to write a post about the importance of audience.

There’s some interesting things I want to talk about, but before I do, I feel like I need to spend at least a little bit of time catching up.

I want to make my life better. I hope I made that clear yesterday. It’s not a New Year’s Resolution thing, but I am using the new year as motivation for making positive changes. Maybe it is a New Year’s Resolution thing, but I’m going to insist it isn’t because New Year’s Resolutions statistically fail, whereas making small lifestyle adjustments is how you make lasting change.

Here is a list that is The State of Brian, which will give us a starting point. Before you can change something, you have to know what it is first.

• The scales say I’m 227lbs. Last year, I started off around this weight and lost around 20lbs. Things got crazy, I quit caring about my health or what I look like, and I gained all the weight back.
• My hair is longer than ever. I don’t hate it.
• I haven’t written anything new in a couple months.
• I withdrew from everyone.
• I’ve been playing a lot of video games.
• Doomscrolling. So much doomscrolling.
• I take naps, now. I’ve never been a napper, but now I seem to nap every day.
• I’m not sleeping that well at night. I don’t think it’s because I’m napping, but I do think I’m napping because I’m not sleeping well.

Here are the changes I’m trying to make.

• Melissa and I are both doing a low-carb diet. This is how I lost a ton of weight when I was in my thirties, and again in my mid-forties. It mostly involves means I eat less bread and pasta and certain starches. I can eat pretty much whatever for breakfast, then it’s low carb, simple foods for lunch and dinner.
• I dusted off my Meta Quest 2 and got on the exercise bike this evening. My legs are jelly and I’m drenched with sweat, but it wasn’t bad. This is probably an every-other-day activity until I’m in better shape.
• I weight myself today. I had not been on the scale since May or June last year. I plan on weighing every week.
• When I got to my desk this morning, I made a list of activities to accomplish before bed time. I used to do this all the time, and I’m more productive and more active when I make a list like this. The list today included: blog post, exercise, write for 30 minutes, read for 30 minutes, and one of my work tasks I’ve been putting off.
• I received a Sodastream for Christmas, so I’m making my own bubbly water and dabbling with various flavors left over from when I was making my own Soylent. Ultimately, this is getting me to drink more water.

Am I addressing all of the things I want to change? No, not yet. But I’m setting modest goals and taking actions within my means to address most of the things. If I stick with the diet and exercise, my weight will go down again. When I weigh less, I might sleep easier at night, and not need to nap as much during the day. When I’m less tired, I may have a greater outlook and spend time with friends again.

I don’t think the doomscrolling is going to go away, though, because we still live in the worst timeline. But hey. Maybe getting healthier, writing, and putting more positivity back into the world is how we win.

I spent a lot of time in December thinking, “Man, I really should talk about LosCon, and what a good time I had there!”

And then I thought, “We’re heading towards New Year’s! I really should talk about One For the Road since the story is a New Year’s story!”

But seasonal depression is a bitch. It hits me every year, even when I know it’s coming and I try to prepare for it. And, when I’m feeling down, I withdraw. It’s a kindness to the people around me, and a kindness to myself. The thoughts and feelings I express when I’m depressed are the views of the demon that live in my head, the one that lies to me all the time, the one that wants to tear everything down and start again.

It’s January 1st, though. I have the day off. It’s the beginning of a New Year, which means that I woke up feeling a little bit more hopeful than usual. The cruel voices are a little quieter on days like today. The optimistic voices have a little bit more strength.

That sounds schizophrenic. I’m not. It’s the whole, “There are two wolves inside you” thing, only I’ve gone and fed ALL the animals contained within. They’re all me. It’s just that I am not always the best version of myself.

This isn’t a flimsy New Year’s resolution. These are statements of who I want to be:

• I want to write more this year, because when I write, I’m happier and closer to my best self.
• I want to connect with people more this year, because when I reach out and be the kind of friend I want to be, I feel less lonely, and I’m better armed against becoming my worst self.
• I want to watch what I eat again and live a healthier lifestyle, because when I look in the mirror, I want to recognize the person looking back at me.

No resolutions today. No Yule Boasting, either. Last year, I set out to write a blog post every day. I started a story that I wanted to write publicly, to show my process. I had a lot of ambition and no follow through.

The reality is that my work life got harder, politics got stupider, and things I loved were torn apart by people I disagree with. I may have climbed out of bed with a bit more spring in my step this morning, but the world is still on fire and there is a lot to be concerned about.

I can’t change the world, but I can change my behavior and my actions. And when I need to slip back into my grumpy ways for a while, I can have the grace to forgive myself and wait until I’m ready to be me again.

Happy New Year, everyone! Let’s collectively do our best to make this one better than the last.