As someone on Twitter put it:

Obviously, this is going to be one of my political opinion posts, so if you’re not into that, skip along.

Trump said some truly outrageous things tonight. He talked about illegal immigrants eating dogs, cats, and pets. He claimed that Harris wants to perform transgender operations on illegal immigrants. Trump had a lot of unsubstantiated things to say about immigrants. Harris rightly called Trump weak to his face, but in such a way that she still maintained Presidential poise.

Trump’s Gish gallop didn’t work that well tonight. The moderators fact checked him occasionally, though not all the time. As usual, Harris had to work harder and was under higher scrutiny and pressure, but she did it with dignity. She came across as the candidate of hope and the future, while Trump… couldn’t complete a sentence as the crazy voices in his head compelled him to say outlandish, foolish things.

I’m relieved to see Harris do well in this debate. It’s still going to be a close fight, but it’s not because Harris is the weaker candidate. It’s close because too many people in this country are unwilling to put country over party. It’s this close because too many people aren’t listening to the words coming out of their chosen candidates intolerant mouth.

Listening to Trump speak for so long gave me an outrageous headache. When the debate ended, I sat back, sweating and nauseous from the head pain, and I mused over how we as a country arrived at this point. There is a clear candidate that is actually decent and good. There is another that is a clear and present danger. And yet, the race is close.

Brace yourselves, because I’m going to say something controversial: I think our country is teetering on the precipice because Bill Clinton couldn’t keep it in his pants.

I will explain.

As President, Bill Clinton did some amazing things for the US economy. For the first time in ages, we had an economic surplus. We were enjoying peace, to the point where our military shrank to its lowest size since the 40s. His legacy should have been impeccable, and it should have been easy for Gore to succeed him, based on record alone.

But, Clinton abused his power and position, took advantage of a White House intern, marring her reputation and destroying her privacy and her name. Clinton’s horniness created a public spectacle. This empowered people like Grinch and Star, and it distracted us from his actual policy wins. It led to the 2000 election, in which the Supreme Court handed the election to George W. Bush, a man that has publicly stated that he believes humans and fish can coexist together.

George W. Bush looked at this incredible economy and budget he inherited and thought, “You know what? Instead of using this money to keep advancing America’s interests, and maybe investing in health care, how about I give it all away and screw around with tax breaks, setting us up for future financial ruin?” So that’s what he did. And very briefly, his policies received scrutiny for being stupid, short-sighted, and not in America’s best interests.

Then September 11th, 2001 rolled around and we lost our damn minds. Republicans shifted harder into patriotism as religion. Low-brow red voters put a giant flag in the back of their truck and drove through the streets, because the way we were going to get to the other side of this national tragedy that killed just over 2000 people was by putting up flags. This is also when we had folks like Toby Keith sing about America putting boots in asses, conflating racism with patriotism in ways that I’m not sure we ever really cleared up.

Patriot Act, War on Terror, a newly created Homeland Security agency, and racism pretty much stayed in fashion throughout Bush’s presidency. Kerry was a relatively weak candidate that Bush narrowly beat. But during Kerry’s run, at the DMC, we caught our first glimpse of Obama. He spoke, people listened, and Democrats started wondering how he would do as a candidate.

Meanwhile, Hillary Clinton, after weathering the embarrassment of her husband’s behavior in the White House, after becoming a senator and continuing her service to her country, looks at returning to the White House as President instead of as First Lady. She runs a good campaign, but sexism gets in the way. Also… she’s a huge nerd, and comes across as a huge nerd when she speaks. This detracts from her presence. Whenever Obama speaks, people claim their acne is cleared up, their posture is better, and they keep finding loose change in the couch cushions.

The fight to become the Democratic candidate could go the distance. It could be Clinton, or it could be Obama. If one does not relinquish, though, McCain the war hero could take the presidency.

So, Obama goes to Clinton and makes a deal. Drop out of the race, and Clinton can become Secretary of State and get setup for 2016. Biden is in on this deal, and doesn’t run in 2016. Clinton agrees, McCain’s VP candidate turns out to be a crazy woman with “good foreign policy experience” because she can see Russian from her house, and Obama wins.

Fox News becomes the mouth piece of a conservative movement. We had Rush Limbaugh for forever, but Fox News stepped up their game and fomented the Tea Party, which gives us fart smellers like Ted Cruz. People willing to shut down the government from a minority position in order to force issues. Obama takes Romney’s state medical plan, tweaks it a little bit, puts it forth as the Affordable Care Act, and even with a Democratic majority in the House and Senate, it barely passes. It does some good things, but it is not a great plan. It remains as the law of the land, to this day.

Obama inherited a tanked economy, and he turned it around. After 8 years, it’s booming. And it’s now Hillary Clinton’s turn.

But, there are other contenders. Bernie is buoyed by his Bros, which forces Clinton into positions she is not entirely comfortable. Obama endorses Clinton, but there’s only so much he can do. Bernie keeps his campaign going long past its viability, which does irreparable damage to Clinton’s campaign.

Trump, after tricking the Genie into giving him another wish, is the Republican candidate, running as a hateful, ruthless, businessman. He’s a bigot and a monster, but he’s not a politician like anyone has seen before. He gets billions in free advertising from the news media, because he’s good for ratings. At that point in time, I don’t think people really thought he’d do as well as he did.

Clinton, still a big damn nerd, tells people to Pokémon Go to the polls. She is absolutely correct in her assessments of Trump and his basket of deplorables, but she had a weird affectation that put people off. Clinton wins the popular vote, but loses in the electoral college.

And so, we get Trump, the worst president this country has ever endured. He loses to Biden, incites an insurrection, and continues to pollute the air with his terrible voice and his terrible lies. Biden and Trump were our oldest candidates in 2020, and then they were our oldest candidates in 2024. We nominated Biden in 2020 because he was the “safe” choice. And we kept ridin’ with Biden because of the power of the incumbency and his very effective results, but because of a remarkably terrible debate performance, combined with the courage to put country over party, Biden dropped out, delivering us into this Harris versus Trump world.

All this history lesson was to say that if Bill Clinton had kept his Little Willy under control, George W. Bush might not have become president. Even if Bush did win over Gore, Gingrich wouldn’t have been empowered, and Gingrich’s political stylings wouldn’t be in play today, which is where much of Trump’s playbook comes from.

If Gore had been president instead of Bush, we probably wouldn’t have invaded Afghanistan or Iraq. Hell, the tragedy of September 11th might not have happened at all. We might have focused more on climate change. We might have even expanded Medicare so that we have a single-payer option and better healthcare for everyone.

Without Kerry running in 2004, we wouldn’t have had the introduction to Obama. If Obama did not run when he did, then Trump wouldn’t have been carried up in the news media with all of his birtherism bullshit.

Anyway, the game of what-if is fun, but it focuses on the past while the present is where it’s at. In this moment, this timeline, we have a clear speaking candidate in Kamala Harris, and we have an incoherent buffoon in Donald Trump, a monster that in tonight’s debate, said he’d be fine with going door-to-door with the National Guard and local police to deport 3% of our population. Maybe let’s not do that.