This last weekend, I managed to make up some lost ground.  I wrote around 7000 words in two days, which is decent when you’re about 14,000 words behind.

But I still ended the weekend behind, and I’ve slipped ever further behind this week.

There really isn’t much I can do about it.  This is the busiest time of the year in the power industry.  Monday, I worked a bit late, and had band practice.  Tuesday, I worked a bit late, and took the night off.  Wednesday, I worked really late, and was too exhausted to even write a blog post.

Tonight, I’m going to a write-in at Richard‘s house.  If I can produce at least 2000 words tonight, and 2000 words tomorrow, I’ll be in a great position for another strong weekend.  In order to feel confident about succeeding this month, I’ll need to do better than I did last weekend.  With the Night of Writing Dangerously taking place Sunday, I don’t know if that will be possible.

There are side effects to missing goals, and falling this far behind.  Self-doubt creeps in.  As I was getting ready for work this morning, I let some of the despair take over for a little while.  I thought, “Maybe it’s time to stop pretending that I’m a writer.”

Then I stood up straight, took a deep breath, and let that thought go.

I might not write 50,000 words this month, but that doesn’t mean I’m not a writer.  It just means I’ve had a really busy month, and I’ve been doing the responsible thing, which is to work and support my family.  There’s no reason to feel bad about that.

The truth is that the story I’ve started this month might be amazing, someday.  It’s not right now.  It’s clumsy and misshapen, as many first drafts are.  But there is some really good stuff in it.  Whatever happens with NaNoWriMo, I’ve got something.  In spite of all of the craziness and business that is my life right now, I’ve still managed to start something beautiful.

And that’s what it means to be a writer.

It turns out I wasn’t nearly as prepared as I needed to be.

I was prepared enough to write a chapter, but when I tried to advance the plot, I found that there was too much I hadn’t thought of.

Last month, I talked about procrastination.  Due to a lack of clarity, my attention wandered all day on Sunday.  I think I wrote 500 words all that day.

Monday, I felt so bad about falling behind and freezing up, that I couldn’t even get out of bed.  I was depressed and angry.  I called in sick, and I didn’t go to band practice that night.  I thought about the story, and I privately moped in my garage.

We all have days like that.  Often, they’re Mondays.  I let the bad emotions have me for a day, then moved on.

Tuesday, I went back in to work, and I felt a little bit better.  I was able to step back a little and get some perspective.  During my lunch, I opened Scrivener and started figuring out what went wrong.  Why wasn’t I prepared?  What did I need to do to be prepared, so that I could move on?

It turns out that I hadn’t given enough thought to my main character’s family.  The whole first act is going to be with these people, and I didn’t even know how many of them there were, or what their names were.  I knew their.  I’d figured out their genesis and their religion.  I’d done a bunch of world building in advance, but I didn’t actually know any of the people that my main character was supposed to interact with.

Of course, I didn’t have time to write at all Tuesday.  I had to go straight from work to band practice.

I thought I would have time to write tonight at a museum.  It was the first night of a new writer’s group I found via meetup.com.  I thought we’d all be working on our Nano projects, but it turned out to be something else entirely.  They all seemed like nice folks, but it wasn’t quite what I was looking forward to.

I’m probably not going to have much time to write Thursday, because I’m going straight from work to play a concert.  I have 2 or 3 improv solos, and I’m playing music I’ve only looked at a few times.  I’m a little bit nervous about the performance, but it’s not overwhelming.

I did have a little bit of opportunity to work on my story today, when I took my son to the dentist.  I opened a new page in the Research section of my Scrivener project and started creating names that would be appropriate to my story.  They’re simple names, but it was taking me forever.  Now I have a list I can pull from.  I also created a family tree for my main character.

I’m feeling more prepared.  I’m frazzled and stressed and scared, but I feel like I have perspective now, and I think I can make up the lost time this weekend.

Those of you participating in NaNoWriMo, I hope you’re off to a better start than I am.

At the stroke of midnight last night, I started work on my new novel.  I was at a kick-off party, surrounded by a bunch of other eager writers.  Some of them have been doing NaNoWriMo for years and years.  For a few of them, this was their first year.

I’m working on the story now, and I’ll be working on it later today at a write-in at Panera.  My plan is to go to all of the write-ins on Saturdays.  It’s encouraging to be surrounded by others engaged in the same frantic activity that I’m enjoying.

Something I may do from time to time is post samples from my story here.  I’m really excited about what I’m writing, and I want to share.  This scene was a lot of fun for me.

---

Sim crept up to the blackberry bush, hunched over, eyes wary. He placed a hand on Dar’s shoulder. Though Sim’s touch was light, Dar jerked upright.

“Quiet!” Sim said, pitching his voice low.

“I thought you were Ursa,” Dar said. His baritone voice cracked.

“Ursa wouldn’t bother with a warning. She’d just take your head off and be done with you.”

Dar turned back to the clearing. Knee-high blades of wild grain grew within a stand surrounded by twisted, heavy oak trees. The midday sun illuminated the open area. Across from where they knelt, Sim could see dark flecks buzzing in the air. A beehive clung to the bottom of one of the branches, alive and churning with insect life.

“I still think this is a bad idea,” Sim said. He ran a hand through his dark brown hair. Sweat dampened his brow.

“That’s what you always say,” Dar said.

“And I’m always right. How many times were you stung the last time we tried this?”

Dar ignored the question. He said, “Last time, we didn’t try to smoke them out first. Dillontor told me that bees go to sleep in smoke.”

Sim studied the beehive with squinted eyes. He opened his mouth several times, but remained silent. He could argue with Dar, but if Dillontor said something, then it was probably true.

“You should start the fire,” Dar said. He gestured towards a fire bow at his feet.

“This was your idea, mudhead. If you want the honey so bad, you can start the fire. Besides, I’m terrible at starting fires. You know that.”

“You’re not going to be much of a Waverider if you can’t start a simple fire, Sim.”

“I don’t want to be a Waverider,” Sim said, lowering his voice. “I think when my name day comes, I’m going to choose to be a Firedancer.”

Dar turned and fixed Sim with a level stare. Sim avoided meeting Dar’s eyes. After a moment, Dar turned his attention to the fire bow. He said, “You have to be the strangest Child of all the clans, Sim.”

Sim frowned at Dar. His friend was a little bit shorter than him, but much thicker in the chest, with broad shoulders and impressive arms. Like Sim, he was dressed in dark brown pants and a loose fitting shirt, tied at the arms and waste with woven bands. Like most of the people in their clan, Dar’s hair was nearly black, and his skin was the color of sanded oak.

As Sim watched, Dar pushed and pulled the bow with one hand, the other hand holding a smooth stone on top of the bow, steadying it. Dar’s expression was blank, his eyes fixed on the tedious work of coaxing fire out of thin, feathery bark and kindling.

With a sigh, Sim dropped down to the ground. He cupped his hands around the sides of the bowl containing the dried bark. A line of smoke rose from the bowl. The stream of smoke was so thin and transparent that Sim wondered if he was only imagining it. He drew in a deep breath and blew a slow, soft breath, trying to will energy into the spark.

A shadow fell across Sim and the bowl. The branch Dar had been spinning with the bow stopped moving. When Dar gasped, Sim craned his neck to looked up.

An enormous bear looked down at him, its coal black eyes unreadable. A halo of golden light surrounded the bear’s head where it blocked the sun. Its mouth was open, showing glistening, ivory teeth. A deep growl rumbled out of the creature’s throat.

“Run!” Dar screamed.

Sim rolled to his left. Wood cracked where Sim had been on the ground. Sim scrambled to his feet and looked back. The bear was on all fours, the blackberry bush crushed beneath its belly. Dar was on his backside, frantically crawling backwards. The bear was looking at Dar with hungry eyes.

“Dar, get up!”

Dar tried to get his feet under him, but the bear advanced a step towards him. Dar’s eyes went wide, and his feet went out from under him. He skidded on his backside, still pushing himself across fallen leaves and underbrush.

Gritting his teeth, Sim turned the other way. He took two long strides back the way he’d come when he’d first approached Dar. He found his staff where he’d left it, leaning against a tree. Weapon in hand, he turned back to face the bear. Sweat plastered his shirt to his chest and back.

Ursa, the bear, advanced another step towards Dar. Her brown fur was mottled in some places, shaggy in others. She raised her nose and sniffed at the air. Dar continued to back away from the bear, still unable to get to his feet.

“No!” Sim shouted. He ran towards Ursa, his staff raised in a charge. The creature ignored him. As Sim tried to get Ursa’s attention, she took another step closer to Dar. With an incoherent cry, Sim stabbed with the staff like a spear, jamming one end into Ursa’s ribs.

The bear roared and turned. It swatted at Sim’s staff with the back of enormous paw. The weapon left his hands. It tumbled through the air and clattered into the branches of trees several spans away. Ursa raised herself up onto her hind legs, looming like death.

“Mother save me,” Sim said.

---

 

And so the story begins.

I’m not editing my story yet, of course.  I want to get the first draft completed before I do any serious edits.  I did clean this up a little bit, adjusting a couple of words so that sentences would make a little bit more sense.

If you like me sharing things like this, please let me know.  If this type of sharing is a good thing, I’ll post some more excerpts I think are interesting along the way.

It’s October 31st.  Halloween.  It’s a day to be dressed up like this:

 

 

Tonight, if the weather doesn’t keep all of the kids away, Melissa and I are going to hand out candy.  We’re talking full size candy bars and a can of soda to every kid that comes to our door.  Well, we’ll give Caprisuns to the little kids.  We have our costumes, candy, and drinks set aside.  We’re ready for Halloween.

 

Are we ready for NaNoWriMo?

Quite frankly, I don’t know.  I never feel ready to start a new story.  It’s the same sort of fear that I’ve talked about all this month.  Will I be able to get my ideas across?  Do my ideas suck?  Am I capable yet of being the kind of writer I want to be?

That’s the wonderful thing about NaNoWriMo.  As Lauren Sapala wrote, we don’t have time for fear during this month.  This exercise forces us to ignore our inner editor, set aside our doubts, and just write.  We might fall behind, and that will make it more difficult.  As Hugh Howey wrote, it can put a lot of pressure on a writer, but that pressure can be a good thing.

What can a writer do to get ready?

This is what I’ve done:

• I wrote a blog post every day in the month of October, reinforcing the habit of writing something… anything… every day.  With an average word count of 800 words per post, I’ve written close to 25,000 words this month.  That’s half the target for November.  A good warm up.
• I’ve decided on a story idea.  It’s one that I’ve been putting off for about 12 years.
• I’ve been thinking about the story constantly.  Whenever I go for a walk (and I go for lots of walks), I’ve played out details and ideas in my mind.
• This week, I sat down and made a very, very rough outline.  I don’t want to outline too much, since that spoils the story for me.  But I need more than nothing.
• I created a project in Scrivener.

 

I still need to come up with more names.  My post last night was not accidental.  I have to think about names, and get some written down before I start, so that I don’t get hung up on the names when I get to those characters.

After that?  I just have to do it.

I’m attending a kick-off party for NaNoWriMo tonight.  I’m going to take full advantage of the local community.  I highly recommend it, not only because there’s misery in company, but there’s also encouragement to be found.  I’ve already got write-ins I’m planning to attend.

Speaking of scheduling, I’m looking at the calender, and I can see the places where I’ll have opportunities to catch up when inevitably fall behind.  And I will fall behind, because I have twice as many band practices as I had last year, and there are at least 5 performances to attend.

 

With that said, I’ve completed Blog-Tober.  One post every day for 31 days.  And, to my shock and amazement, I was able to link every post to some aspect of writing.

I’ve completed one month long project.  Time to get on with the next!

I struggle with names.  I have trouble naming characters, places, chapters, and books.  I even have trouble coming up with good variable names while programming.

 

How does a writer come up with good names for their characters?

Sometimes, I use a baby names book.  Depending on the story I’m writing, I keep the book in my laptop bag, and dip into it when I need a character name for a minor character.  The book I use separates the names by region and genre, including fantasy.  It’s a pretty handy reference.

I like that for minor characters, but major characters I like to name well in advance.  I also want those names to be unique.  Sometimes I want the name to evoke some image or emotion that I relate to the character.  With major characters, I struggle the most.

With A Clean Slate, I looked for pictures of actors that I thought would be great to play my characters.  I was then able to play off of the actor’s names to come up with the character names, in one or two cases.

With The Repossessed Ghost, I used more contemporary names, since it was an urban fantasy.  Fortunately for me, I’d come up with the name of the main character well in advance, when I first developed the character for a roleplaying game.  Like many characters I’ve played, I pulled his name from the Bible (Melchizedek, shortened to Mel).

With the story I’ll be starting in a little more than 24 hours (!), I came up with something completely different.  I made the names part of the culture.  The young start with a short name.  Once they come of age and pass a ceremony, their names are extended by a syllable, depending on their gender.  Once they become elders in their respective communities, they pass through another ceremony, receiving yet another syllable.  The main character will start off as Sim, but will eventually be Simon.  His friend Dar will become Daron.  There may be a love interest named Jan,which will become Janel.

I like what I’m doing with the names in this coming story for two reasons.  First, I think it will be unique. Second, it’s a systematic method of names, which makes it a little bit easier to come up with names that will all fit in the same world.

As always, once I think I have a name, I google it to make sure it’s not already popular.  When I was coming up with Kate’s full name in The Repossessed Ghost, my addled brain thought it’d be acceptable if she had a last name of “Middleton.” That’s one of those names I probably shouldn’t have had to google, but then, I don’t follow British royalty.

 

How do you name places?

This is a tricky one to answer.  In The Repossessed Ghost, I didn’t have to come up with any place names, since it all takes place in the U.S.  In A Clean Slate, I drew a map with some geographic features, then figured out where villages and towns would be based on those features.  I looked at where the action would be going, and saw that I wasn’t going to need to name that many places.  Since I’d narrowed down the list of places I needed to name, and since most of them were rural, I used the natural features as part of the names.

In the new story, I have come up with a name for the island, but that’s about it.  The people are nomadic, and I’ve determined that families, clans, travel constantly.  Usually two or three clans travel together for a little while.  One of the conceits of the story is that these people can’t settle down, so there are no villages or towns to name.  I’ve determined that their family names are very basic or elemental.  For example, Sim is of the Rock clan.  Jan is of the Sand clan.  I’ll have to keep playing around with the names, to make sure I like how it feels.

 

How do you name your book?

This is the one I really struggle with, because the name of the book is a feature of marketing.  A Clean Slate might still get renamed.  Several people have told me that they like the name for The Repossessed Ghost, because it’s a little bit funny and a little bit clever.  It feels kind of wordy to me.  I still think of it as The Mel Walker story, and if it grows into a series, maybe it’ll be The Mel Walker Stories.  Maybe.

The point is that I don’t trust myself with marketing decisions.  I’d really rather an expert in that field tell me what my story should be named.

I don’t know what the new novel is going to be called yet.  I know that it is the first of three that I’ve been thinking about for a long time.  I don’t know what the series should be called, either.

 

Names can be powerful.  It’s vital that you pick names that work for you, because you’re going to have to live with these names for a long, long time.

Personally, I don’t like names with a bunch of hieroglyphics in them.  I avoid apostrophes and umlauts.  That funky character that’s like an a and e having sex?  I don’t care for it.  I want my names to be easy for me to type.  I want my readers to be able to read the names I’m using without getting pulled out of the story.

 

What tips and tricks do you employ for coming up with names in your stories?

One of the benefits of being the writer of a story is that it is yours.  It is the product of your perseverance and imagination.  You can do whatever you want with it.

You get to decide if it will be published or not.  You might face challenges getting a publisher or agent to feel the same way about your story, but it is always your story.  And these days, you don’t necessarily need a publisher.  If you listen to people like Hugh Howey, it may be in your best interest to self-publish, where you get the lion’s share of profits and all of the control.

But before you get to the publishing phase, you get to decide if it is even done or not.  It’s your story, full of your characters and your plots.  You can change your mind about the direction of a subplot, and make it something different.  Or you can choose to keep your work exactly as you’ve written, in spite of advice given by editors or critique groups.  Your story is your story.

With that last point, just remember that you own your mistakes.  You have the power to listen to advice just as you have the power to ignore it.  Imagine how much better the Star Wars prequels could have been if George Lucas been given some advice about the stories.  While it is unlikely the prequels could have lived up to the expectations, they could have been better.

But I digress.

It’s your story, every step of the way.  Once you’ve finished the first draft, you can choose how much editing it needs.  Maybe it needs a 3rd or 4th draft before it’s done.  Perhaps it leaped from your mind onto the page wholly formed in the first draft, as Athena was born from Zeus’s breast (unlikely).  You get to decide.

But even before that, you get to decide how your first draft is written.  It’s up to you how many acts will be in your story, and what emotions you will trigger.  You get to decide who lives and who dies, which loves are acknowledged, and which ones go unrequited.  It’s on your shoulders to find the words that express the story and world that lives in your imagination.

It’s up to you to start your story.  Perhaps you’re like me, standing just a couple of days away from starting something new and scary.  The ideas have been dancing in your head for some time.  Perhaps days, perhaps years.  It’s on you to build the world, bit by bit.  It’s your rocket ship designs or magic formula that will be expressed in the pages of your story.

No one else can write the story that’s in your head.  Only you can see it and hear it and express it.  And no one can stop you from writing it.  It doesn’t matter how old you are, what color your skin is, or what genitals you possess, or wish to possess.  You are the only one that can write your story, as long as you are willing to write it.

And somewhere out there, someone is waiting to read it.

It’s Tuesday night.  I’ve just finished a late dinner, after getting home from practice with a jazz band.  It’s my second band, with the first having practices on Monday night.  I’m a little bit tired, but I’m satisfied.

I’ve spent a lot of time talking about writing and programming, but I haven’t touched on writing and playing music.

Music has been a part of my life longer than writing has.  I can recall times before I was literate where I’d play in the backyard, using a gardening pole as my makeshift microphone stand.  I can recall back even further, to a time when I was wearing a diaper and holding myself up in a playpen.  Ray Charles was on the black and white TV, and I was swinging my head back and forth the way he did, pretending I was performing.  (I have a really long memory)

Performing has been in my blood for as long as I can remember.  Music has always been a part of my life.

So how does my music life compare to my writing life?

Like writing, if I didn’t have music, I’d be depressed.  It’s easier to satisfy my music need, however.  If I wasn’t in two bands, I could turn a music player on and sing along in the car.

Both are creative outlets for me.  I can express myself in both writing and music.  It’s easier for me to convey certain ideas and emotions in writing than it is through my music, but music is more immediate.

Practicing music is a “cheaper” most of the time.  I can do writing practices and exercises in 5 or 10 minutes, but what I produce during that time may not be directly applicable to a larger project.  With music, on the other hand, I can spend 5 or 10 minutes figuring out a particularly difficult section, and that practice will apply directly to the next performance.  In fact, all of the practice I do with music can be additive towards a performance goal, while not all of the practice I do with writing can apply to a particular story.

Writing is solitary, while music is usually cooperative.  When I join a group for a write-in next month, there will be a sense of community and togetherness, but that fellowship only really exists in the time between writing.  Music can be solitary, but I mostly play with bands.  In band, we are all working together on the same project, striving to make something beautiful together.  Playing a chord with other people is a true blending of skill and talent with other people, while writing in the same room with some other people is an example of compartmentalization.

With music, I find less criticism.  There can be disagreements and personality conflicts, but the product of music is obvious to everyone involved.  It either works, or it doesn’t.  With writing, I can cross every t and dot every i, but still produce something that fails to please other writers.  What I’m saying is that, in general, writers are more picky with each other than musicians are.

Both writing and music have mechanics involved.  You can be technically skilled with both crafts.  With both music and writing, it is the addition of personality and imagination which elevates a dry, mechanical piece into something that soars and reaches the heart of people.

Music is transitory, while writing is permanent.  True, you can record music and play it over and over, but that’s not all that I’m talking about.  When I am touched by a piece of music, the experience is with me for a while, but quickly fades.  I can listen to the same music again, or perform the same music again, but the experience is different.  When a story moves me, on the other hand, I think about what I’ve read for years and years.  There are stories I read in High School that still impact me.

 

One of the most profound differences between my life as a musician and my life as a writer:

I can’t imagine myself as a professional musician.

I dream of being a professional writer.

With NaNoWriMo rapidly approaching, let’s talk about a couple of decisions you have to make about your story before you can even begin.  What narrative mode and tense will you use to tell your story?

Last year, I chose first person, past tense for my story.  One of the reasons I made this decision was because I wanted my story to emulate the feel of The Dresden Files, and that’s how that series is written.  Another reason I chose first person narrative was because I knew that I’d be able to write that way effectively and quickly.  After writing blog posts for 31 days straight in October, I knew that using the same narrative mode would make 50,000 words in November easier.

 

First Person Narrative

First person narrative is excellent when your main character has a strong voice that you want to showcase.  Every single object described in the story is an opportunity to reveal something about the character.  A carpenter is going to notice and talk about a table differently than anyone else.  A cop is going to describe a crime scene differently, and evoke a different emotional reaction than someone else in the same position.

Note: If you’re into tabletop, story-driven roleplaying games, and you’re planning on using one of the characters you’ve developed in such a game, first person might be just the thing.  You presumably already know the character’s voice, and that’s exactly what you’ll be using to tell a story with this narrative mode.

 

Third Person Limited

If you’re planning on changing point of view characters, but you still want the camera to essentially be fixed on a character’s shoulder, this is the narration mode of choice.  You can still gain quite a bit of the benefit of first person with this mode, because you can still get the thoughts and perspectives of a single character to color the story.  You also gain greater freedom in word choice of the prose, since the voice telling the story is yours, rather than the point of view character.

 

Third Person Omniscient

From first person, to third person limited, to third person omniscient, you’re just backing the camera out further and further.  This is a very “honest” narration mode, in that the prose is unpolluted from the character’s thoughts or perspective.  When done right, the author is less able to fall into bad habits of telling, rather than showing.

 

Tense

I don’t remember ever reading or writing anything in future tense.  I’m not even sure what that looks like.  I prefer past tense for my stories.  Present tense can lend itself to a greater tension and immediacy in a story, but I find it a little bit clunky in places.  It can be argued that past tense with first person drains tension from the story, since it’s difficult for the main character to tell their story if they’ve died.  I don’t really buy into that argument, though.  When I’m pulled into a story, I don’t know care what tense is being used, as long as the story is well written.

 

This year, I will be writing third person limited.  I have a lot of experience writing using pairing that narrative mode with this character.  The character has a strong voice, but I don’t feel like first person will serve the story I have in mind as well as third person.

 

If you’re planning on participating in NaNoWriMo, I recommend using whatever narrative mode and tense you’re most comfortable with.  If you’re having difficulty deciding, look to whatever book you’ve most recently enjoyed.  You may still be thinking in that narrative mode, which will make it easier to reach for words when telling your own story.

I have a list of writing related topics, one for each day of this month.  I thought it would make it easier to maintain the schedule.  For the most part it has, but there’s been a few topics, such as the one I have scheduled tonight, where I felt like it would be forced.  I felt like I’d be talking out of my ass more than usual.

Tonight I’m going to let out some of the pressure that’s been building up inside me.  There have been events this month that have made me upset.  I’ve commented on some of them in Facebook and Twitter, but it has been less than satisfying.  I keep feeling compelled to get into arguments with people I respect a great deal.

I’m going to share my opinions.  They probably won’t make me very popular.

 

We should stop talking about GamerGate.

GamerGate was started by a small group of people that do not represent gamers or gaming culture on the whole.  This small group is all about misogyny and slut-shaming women.  They are despicable, they’re ideas are despicable, and anyone that thinks that what they are doing is noble and good is no friend of mine.

But here’s the thing.  They had to have known that their “movement” was going to fail.  If that is true, then why did they persist?

The answer: they were trolling.

Alfred was right.  Some people just want to watch the world burn.  Trolls just want to see what kind of damage they can do.  It costs them nothing.  And when they see someone respond to their bait, they are delighted.  They slap each other on the back and keep going.

And everyday, I see in social media more feeding of these trolls.

Some want to use this as part of their platform to gain greater equality and representation for the genders in gaming.  I do not oppose equality and fairness.  I want equality.  I want men and women developers to be paid fairly.  I want developers of all races and sexual orientation to be treated equally and fairly, too.

If your cause is to promote gender equality, then I support you.  However, I beg you not to promote your cause on the back of GamerGate.  Your cause… our cause… is not supported by feeding the trolls.

 

We all need to think more, and use less hyperbole when talking about sensitive subjects.

I’m referring to what John Grisham said about the penalties for viewing child pornography.

I should haven’t to say this, but from what I’ve been seeing lately, I guess I have to: I do not support child pornography, or those that consume it.  I think it is despicable.  I also think what John Grisham said was a bit stupid.

Now I’m going to share my unpopular opinion.  I’m going to do my best to be sensitive to the subject matter.  I understand that it is a difficult topic for many to read.  If you are the victim of sexual assault, please know that I am deeply sorry whatever pain you have been through.  I do not know and can’t even begin to comprehend what you’ve been through.  If reading about this topic makes you uncomfortable, please skip on to the next bolded area.

I think that John Grisham wasn’t completely wrong about the penalty for viewing child porn.  The penalty might be a little bit too steep.

There is a difference between the monster that perpetrates the creation of child porn, and the asshole that views it.  Some of those assholes are monsters, too, but they might not all be monsters.

Man, this is difficult to express without sounding like I support child porn.  I don’t.  I’m starting to understand how John Grisham spoke so poorly on this.

He tried to use examples to illustrate his point, and they were terrible.  It was something along the lines of “watching a 16 year old girl isn’t as bad as watching a 10 year old boy” or something like that.  Both are disgusting, but if we’re being honest, I think we know what he’s trying to say.  At least, I hope he was trying to say that a child in their late teens can pass for a young adult.  Deriving sexual stimulation from watching a young adult is different than getting off on watching young children.

An argument for penalizing the consumes of this porn is that people that view child porn are creating the market for it, and support child pornographers.  They’re not being held responsible for their part in making it possible to create the pornography.

I have a couple of problems with that argument.  First, unless money is exchanged, I don’t see how the support is happening.  You think someone is going for pornography with their ad blocker off?  That they’re not downloading anonymously via torrent?  If downloading something for free equates to providing support for it, then piracy is no big deal, because downloading music and videos is providing support for the artist, right?

The second problem I have with the argument is that it is not equally applied.  That is, the heart of the argument is, “I want to protect children, so if we punish people viewing child porn, less child porn will be made.”  If you are trying to protect children, then why stop at child porn?  Stop and take a moment to look at your phone.  How was your phone built?  Is it an iPhone?  Was child labor involved in its construction?  If we apply the argument equally, then you have, by purchasing your iPhone, supported a market that exploits children.

When the iPhone 6 came out recently, millions were purchased the first day.  Should all of those people be held accountable for supporting child labor?

Again, I don’t support child porn.  I don’t support exploiting children for any purpose.  I think John Grisham said some stupid stuff.  I also think that with our loaded prisons, maybe we can consider the possibility that the way we are too harsh in how we penalize people that view child porn.

 

We should act responsibly when reporting and reading news.

This ties into the first two thoughts.  When talking about GamerGate, know that you’re feeding the trolls.  When talking about sensitive subjects, think before you speak.  Don’t be like John Grisham.

But also, don’t be like Rosie O’Donnell.  Even after John Grisham apologized, Rosie decided it would be awesome to suggest that the police investigate John Grisham’s hard drive.

You might say, “But Brian, Rosie wasn’t reporting the news.  She was just stating her opinion, too.”

I disagree.  She is the news.  I am the news.  You are the news.  If you are talking about recent, non-fiction events on your Facebook or Twitter, you may be the only source news on that event for some people.

Consider that Fox News, MSNBC, and even CNN are being run as a business.  They do market research.  They cater to their audiences.  The news that you’re receiving from them is tailored for their respective audiences.  They are trying to make money.

I recently had to remove someone from my social media that continuously posted right-wing propaganda.  When I’d call them out on it, citing other sources like snopes, she’d respond unfavorably.  I tolerated it for a long time, until their posts became less and less thinly veiled racist garbage.  Then I had to cut them loose.

When we behave like the person I had to remove, with a closed mind and without checking facts before boosting signals, we promote divisiveness and misinformation.  We create disharmony.  We polarize.

 

I have a bunch more I want to say about how we should be pursuing equality and fairness, but I’ve droned on and on already.  I know that I’ve said some things in this post that are uncomfortable.  I would be happy to discuss any of the topics I’ve included in this.  I promise to try to keep an open mind.

I’ve stated before that when I don’t write, I become depressed.  Writers write.  It’s in their blood, and when they’re not writing, it’s unhealthy.

But that’s not the only reason I write.  There are other reasons.

 

I write to entertain people.

I like being on stage musicals.  I like performing in front of a crowd with a band.

I like giving someone a story that brightens their world for a little while.

Underneath it all, I want to make people happy.  I try to be polite.  I listen.  As I’ve told my son, I want to make the world a little bit better than the way I found it.  One of the ways I can do that is by making my stories as entertaining as I can.

 

I want to tell people something.

I have thoughts and opinions and ideas about how the world should work.  They’re not necessarily original thoughts.  I have strong feelings about personal responsibility, integrity, and freedom.  These are the driving ideas behind the fantasy story that’s taking me forever.

I have ideas that I want to put out into the world.  Stating them flatly doesn’t feel like enough.  Demonstrating them with characters in a fictional world might not be enough, but it feels like the right place to start.

 

Someday, I want to write for a living.

This is different than, “I’m doing it for the money.” I’m not doing it for the money.  I don’t expect to get rich from writing.  In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if I never make a dime.

I hope to sell my stories, however.

Let me put it in words that Princess Leia would understand: If money was all that I loved, then that’s what I would try to receive.

It’s not, though.  I could make a lot of money as a programmer.  The problem is that programming doesn’t satisfy my soul.  Writing does.  So I hope that someday, I’ll reach a point in my writing career that I can just depend on it.  I think that would make me very happy.

 

There are other reasons I write, but those are the major reasons.  If you’re like me, then it helps to check your motivations from time to time.  Without proper motivation, it’s easy to slack off and procrastinate.