I recently read about a case of cyberbullying that led to arrests made of the girls that did the bullying.  In another article (which I can’t find, otherwise I’d link it), I read someone’s opinion that they should replace the word “bullying” with “assault” in cyberbullying.

I think we should take a deep breath, and think very carefully about what our response should be to this, and the ramifications of that response.

I don’t want to be callous about this subject.  A little girl took her life, and that’s tragic.

How we react to that tragedy can have lasting and devastating consequences, however, and I think we should be careful about that.

Let me go off on a tangent for a moment.  For years now, the formula seems to be “something terrible has happened, therefore, we should react horribly.” I hate to bring up September 11th, but our reaction(s) to that tragedy were terrible, and resulted in the loss of lives of people all over the world.  It resulted in atrocities done in the name of security.  I think we need to change the formula to “something terrible has happened, so let’s not do anything until we’ve taken some time to calm down.”

I don’t think these girls should be arrested for saying horrible things.  I think saying stupid or mean stuff should not be the grounds for anyone to get arrested.

Does that mean I think there should be no ramifications for cyberbullying?  Maybe.  I might have to think on this some more, before I have a definitive answer.  I think in this case, all of the parents involved have some questions to answer.  What were the parents of the instigating children doing?  How did the parents of the girl that committed suicide not know that their daughter was hurting so badly?

It’s that last one that gets me.  My children have unsupervised and unrestricted access to the internet.  Maybe I’m being an irresponsible parent in regards to that, but I’ve thought this through, and I’m not just being lazy.  My kids are both teenagers, and I know that if I prohibit them from something, whatever it is that they are denied, they’re going to crave that much more.  Worse, they are going to go around me, and they are going to get it anyway.  If they can’t see what they want at home, they’ll go out somewhere else.  Also, and let me be completely blunt about this: if my kids want to look at porn, that’s their business. (I think I’m going to have to explain this more at some point.  I’m going to table that for another post)

My kids have unrestricted internet access, but they’re not alone.  I check up on them.  Not necessarily what they’re looking at, but I talk to them.  I check to see what’s going on in their lives.  I make sure they’re happy, and getting everything they need.  I make sure they know that they’re loved, and I make sure that they know that I’m there for them.

Whatever a parent’s policies might be surrounding their children’s internet use, I would think that they would, like me, take an interest in their child’s life, and talk to them.  So what were the parents of the victim doing?

This makes it sound like I’m blaming the parents of the child that committed suicide, and I don’t mean to be mean.  They must be feeling a kind of pain I never want to know, and hopefully will never understand.

I guess the bottom line is, I don’t want to see freedom of speech infringed or curtailed because 3 sets of parents were not paying attention to their children.

We’re past halfway through the month.  There’s no way that I’m going to finish the first draft of my novel before November.

After writing tonight at Starbucks, I can tell that it’s no longer just a matter of time management.  It’s a matter of fatigue.  I think I’m trying to do just a little bit too much, and I’m starting to see the effects in everything I do.

The Computer Club, for example, is not doing fantastic.  The kids don’t really seem that interested in learning what I have to offer.  That’s always been the case, but until this week, I’ve been able to get past their apathy and through willpower and energy, entertain and educate them.  This week, I haven’t been able to do it.  The kids are bored, and I just don’t see a way to get them to the other side of that.

In band this week, I was tired going in, and easily irritable.  When I wound up having to stand at the copier for 15 to 20 minutes, it set me off.  The rest of the evening, there was no joy to be found in the music for me.  I managed to keep my foul mood from spilling out on other people.  But it was tough, and I didn’t play as well as I should have been able to.

For Blog-tober, it’s becoming more and more difficult to think of things that are interested to write about.

For my novel, it’s getting harder and harder to craft the scenes and progress the plot.  I’m making slow and steady progress, but I can’t say that I’m having that much fun.

At work, I’m doing okay.  I’m getting stuff done, and everyone still seems really happy with me.  Today, I worked on some threading and event driven code, and I felt really clever.  I did some good work.

I think it’s a combination of things.  I don’t think I’m getting quite enough sleep, so when I pack all of the activities I pack into a day, I just wind up grinding down.

I need rest.  I’ll try to sleep a little bit earlier tonight.  Maybe tomorrow will be better.

I have a 20% win rate at Solitaire, with 1000 wins.  This is an unsettling statistic, if you think about how many games of Solitaire I’ve played.  I’m thankful that the statistics screen doesn’t tell me how many hours that equates to.  Of course, now that I’ve said that, I immediately have to open a calculator, figure 2 minutes per game for 5000 games, and come up with around 166 hours.

Writing at a pace of 1000 words per hour, that could have translated into 166,000 words, or 3 short novels.

That’s not a fair way of looking at things, though, and I know it.  I’m sure I have some friends that would say it’s a perfectly fair way of looking at it, but it’s not.  I need to have some downtime.  I need to take breaks, and take days off.  That time off adds up.  Those Solitaire statistics started February of this year, which means I’ve wasted time on average about 6 hours per week.

Alright, that’s still kind of bad.  Does it help if I mention that I play Solitaire while watching Netflix?

No, I don’t think it helps, either.

When I hit 1000 wins, with just under 5000 games played, I decided that I wouldn’t play Solitaire anymore.  Since making that decision (a few days ago), I’ve stayed true.  I’m good at following rules I set for myself.

But I’m still looking for distractions.

I find myself reading the news all the time.  I find myself watching YouTube videos, and reading through Facebook.  Sometimes, I even open up Google+.

I’m not sure if I’m trying to procrastinate, or if I’m just looking for something mindless so that I can unwind.

But I know that I’m not going to open up Solitaire anymore.

Earlier today, I was reading some articles about how the Republicans appear to be offering some concessions and backing off a bit.  The article described how the Democrats are not really giving the Republicans anything.  Basically, one of the proposals offered up by the Republicans involved expanding the debt limit and continuing resolution into January, but with some tighter restrictions around handing out benefits, and postponing the tax and medical devices for two years.  The Democrats (Obama and the Senate) have stated that they are not interested in negotiations while the government is shutdown, and they really don’t want to give up anything in the Affordable Care Act.

When I started this post, I thought that I’d be blasting the Democrats the way I blasted the Republicans a week or so ago.  As I said back then, I’m not a Democrat.  I’m fiscally conservative, socially liberal, and I think the extremes are crazy.

I can’t quite blast the Democrats as hard on this point, though, because I can appreciate the argument.  I also do not want to see holding up the government and threatening default become the normal way business gets done in Washington.  It’s bullshit.  It’s costing the US billions, and it’s hurting hundreds of thousands of government employees.  I don’t want to see the bickering and squabbling ever get this bad again.

So I can see the argument that if the Democrats back off on anything as a result of the shutdown, it shows how effective this tactic is, and it’ll be used again.

But damn.  Neither side of the isle likes the medical device tax.  Punting that for a while seems like something that they could agree on.  And I really don’t mind if the wording surrounding handing out benefits is tighter.

This is a bad spot we’re in.  If a reasonable person is given the microphone for a little bit, it won’t matter, because the volume of the ideological argument is so high that no rational discourse can survive.

So instead of bashing Democrats, I’m going to bash the current political landscape, in general.  Instead of public service, it’s public spectacle.  Instead of statesmen trying to enact good and fair policy, it’s showman putting on charades, clowning for the public and generating massive, strident noise.

I know that historically, this isn’t a new thing.  I know that rhetoric was probably invented a few breaths after language.  It’s part of human nature.

But damn, I want things to change.  I want to be optimistic and be hopeful that grown men and women can come together with differing ideas on how things can get done, and work together to find compromise.  I want to hear harmony from our leaders, but all I hear is cacophony.

If I ever need material for writing about the hopelessness of the human condition, I need look no further than political news.  And that, too, is probably nothing new.

I’m exceedingly proud of my children.  They don’t always get the best grades, but they are really good people.  They are kind and considerate.  They are generous.  I can see aspects of myself in them, but those aspects have been transfigured into something greater than what I find in myself.  I see strength in them that I didn’t see in myself when I was their age.  I’m really proud of my children, and I love them very much.

They are teenagers, though, so I have a few things to say about them that are less… ahem… boastful.

My daughter Bryanna is 17.  Like me, she has a tendency to take things personally too easily.  It’s something I’ve worked on all my life, and I see how it affects her.  When I was 17, I’d take something personally and turn the bad feelings into anger or rage.  This would lead to arguments, or even physical violence.  I’m not proud of how I dealt with it.  I’d just get so wound up, and my outlets weren’t always healthy.

With Bryanna, she gets angry, too, but she internalizes and does something else with it.  I’m not sure exactly what.  Sometimes I can get her to argue with me, but she mostly just goes into herself and ignores people.  She gives us the silent treatment.  I can’t stand being ignored, and that’s exactly what she does to me sometimes, for no good reason.  She’ll just ignore me, and it’s the one thing I haven’t learned to deal with yet.

Something interesting that I’ve learned from Bryanna is that the craziness or meanness of a teenage girl isn’t often directed at someone for personal reasons.  What I mean is, sometimes, Bryanna will be arbitrarily mean or rude to me, and I can only attribute the behavior to hormones, or misdirected bad feelings.  It reminds me of some of the ways teenage girls tortured me when I was a teenager, and it’s given me some relief.  When I was younger, I took it personally.  I know now that it might just have been teenage craziness.

My son, Chris, is 15.  He, too, is suffering from teenage craziness, but it’s a craziness that I can relate to and understand.  Male teenage craziness is all about sex.  Anything you say, if there’s someway to turn it into an innuendo, Chris will start snickering.  There are some words that are just automatic: ball, nut, screw, bone.  There are others that require more imagination.  Chris’s hormone filled brain finds ways to turn anything into a sex joke, and it’s clear that it’s on his mind.  A lot.

I went through it myself.  I’ve talked with Chris about it, and I let him in on a little secret: it never ends, you just get better at dealing with it as you get older.  At least, that’s how it’s been for me.

Beyond the hormones, Chris is another fantastic individual.  He’s a young man, that’s respectful and kind.  He’s energetic.  I like to think that these are qualities I possess as well, as I recall people describing me with these adjectives as well.

Something that Chris and I do not have in common, however, is that Chris is laid back.  He does not let things bother him, the way I always let things bother me.  That quality makes all the difference in the world.  By being so calm and easy-going, as well as those other wonderful qualities I mentioned, he is popular.  People like to be around him, and miss him when he’s gone.

I look at my kids, and I see great people.  I see people that are better than I am.  I’m lucky and proud and grateful.

The Harry Dresden books by Jim Butcher were highly recommended to me by numerous sources.  After finishing the available books for the Game of Thrones series, Storm Front was absolutely perfect.

Where the Game of Thrones series was dark and sorrowful, Storm Front was light and hopeful.

I liked the hero, even when the hero didn’t seem to like himself.  And he really was a hero and a stand-up guy, even as he berated himself for being less than a hero.  I liked that very much, because Harry’s attitude about the world and himself was believable.  I was on board from the get-go.

Something I really enjoyed was the first-person presentation of the story.  It reminded me of how much I enjoy writing first-person.  It’s convinced me that that’s how I’m going to approach my NaNoWriMo project next month.

The only thing I could say about Storm Front that might be construed as a negative was how short it felt.  During the week, I only listened to it during my commutes to and from work, and by the weekend, I was over halfway through it.  I enjoyed it so much, I wound up sitting in front of my computer part of the day today, listening to it while I played solitaire.

I acquired Storm Front through audible, and it was read by James Marsters.  If you don’t recognize the name, he played Spike in the Buffy: The Vampire series.  He did a fantastic job.

I’m looking forward to the next book.  If you haven’t read Storm Front, you should correct that serious oversight at your earliest convenience.

I’m a creature of habit.  Not all of my habits are good ones, but I’m still living and breathing, so I’m still working on that.  I thought I’d share a few behaviors I’ve developed, which have helped me with my successes.  Or at the very least, helped me not fail quite as much.  They’re in no particular order.

• In public restrooms, I always wipe the toilet seat first with toilet paper.  This accomplishes two things: 1. I don’t wind up sitting on some stranger’s piss droplets and 2. I wind up making sure that there is toilet paper.
• I always put my wallet, keys, and cell phone in the same place in my house.  I don’t remember the last time I lost my keys or wallet.
• The thing I always hated most about laundry was folding clothes, especially socks.  A year or two ago, I discarded all of my socks, bought new ones that are all identical (well, I have some that are black, and some that are white).  I no longer fold socks.  I hang up all of my clothes on hangers, so those don’t have to be folded, either.  The only things that have to go in drawers are my underwear and shorts, and I don’t wear shorts that often.  When I stopped folding socks, it was like freeing myself from a set of chains that I thought I’d have to live with for the rest of my life.
• I never write checks.  It’s either cash or debit card.
• I use my bank’s online presence to pay my bills.  I don’t let agencies automatically go in and take my money.  That way lies madness.  But I’ve got it down to the point where I spend 15 minutes a month paying my bills online, and never have to worry about bills again.  I haven’t had a late payment on anything in nearly 12 years.
• I don’t keep a lot of personal things at work anymore.  If I needed to move desks, I could do it in less than 15 minutes.  Because my work space is relatively sparse, it also always looks neat and tidy.
• I like to work in a place where people are happy to see me.  I like to work in a place where there is free food and candy available for people to enjoy.  I bring in doughnuts every Monday and put them in a high traffic place, and I keep a bowl full of candy near my desk.  I try not to talk about personal things going on at work, though some things get out.  This makes my work environment drama free, with sweets around me, more or less achieving my goals.
• The only credit card I use is a Chevron gas card.  It could have been Texaco or Shell or any major chain.  The point is to be exceedingly consistent with the type of fuel I put in my vehicle.  If there are car problems, I’m never going to wonder if it was some cheap gas I put in.  Also, I pay the Chevron card off completely every month, so I always know how much money we spend on gasoline.
• I keep the alarm clock across the room from the bed, so that I have to get up in order to hit snooze or turn it off.  When I kept it near the bed, I’d turn it off in my sleep.  I’m a heavy sleeper, and I have a hard time waking up in the mornings.  This one trick is pretty common to a lot of people, but I need to mention it just because of how much it’s helped me over the years.
• I keep dental floss near my computer at home, and in my drawer at work.
• When I’m overwhelmingly busy, I make lists.  I write down the tasks so I can cross them off.  If the tasks are large or complicated, I break those into sub-tasks.  Writing lists has gotten me through many crises.

I’m sure I have some others, but the list is already longer than I expected.

What sort of personal life hacks do you employ?

Some time ago, I think I posted something about how if I put in some kind of visit counter, I’d watch it. I’d obsess over it. I’m a classic gamer; give me some sort of bar that can be filled and I’ll try to fill it.

I installed a visit counter and I’ve been watching it.  I can see where the visits come from, and it’s been interesting. This month, I’ve been getting about 10 visitors a day. Since the only promotion I’m really doing is via twitter and facebook, that seems pretty good to me. When I get something published, who knows how high that number will get to? Maybe all the way up to 12 a day! Woo!

In all seriousness, though, I’ve noticed some other interesting things. This month, since I’ve been doing daily posts for Blog-tober, I’ve been getting more visits. I had an especially large swell of visitors (17) when I made my one political post.

So it seems that if I want to have more visitors, I need to:

• Write constantly
• Don’t be afraid of writing things that could be divisive

I’m okay with writing constantly.  I don’t want to be divisive, though.  I like stating my opinion, but I usually choose to do it in person, so that I can gauge the reactions of those around me and try to keep them comfortable.

I’m not a frothing liberal, rabid conservative, heavy-handed evangelical, or blood-thirsty heathen.  I don’t care for the extremes.  I think truth and beauty are somewhere in the middle, and that the best course is paved with love and respect.

I’m sure that I’ll post something politically charged again.  I think the conclusion I’ve reached is that I’m not going to compromise who I am just to get more readers.  I’m not going to write something sensational in my blog just for the sake of being sensational.  My priority is to be true to myself.  It is not to try and get a high score in the blog stats.

I finished the audio books for the Game of Thrones series last week. I feel like I should be calling it “A Song of Ice and Fire” since I think that’s the actual name. I think everyone knows it more simply as “Game of Thrones,” though, so I’ll just go with that.

The super short version: I loved this series.

Slightly more verbose:
The first three books were amazing. Book four was really good, but something of a let down after book three. Book five was a little bit better than book four. I enjoyed all of it, though.

I like how George Martin uses his characters. He gives them consistent personalities with relatable ambitions and quirks. At the same time, he uses them as a craftsman uses tools, with disregard for their well-being, scraping them against rough places until those rough places are smoother.

Listening to the books, I felt like George had a plan, and I felt like I could trust him to execute that plan to the completion of the series. By way of comparison, somewhere in the middle of the Wheel of Time series, I felt like Robert Jordan’s plans had been muddied somewhat. I started to get a little bit worried during A Feast for Crows. I’m not worried, now.

I want to mention Roy Dotrice’s reading. Roy Dotrice did an outstanding job with the whole series. For the most part, he gave the different characters consistent voices. The pronunciation of a few names did change, and that was jarring occasionally. I did have one observation, which is juvenile but funny, and that is every time Roy Dotrice said the word “breast” or “breasts,” it was like he was in a rush to get the word out. It almost sounded like he was barking the word out. It amused me every time, so that little bit had me constantly amused.

So in summary, I found it to be an excellent series with a few minor imperfections creeping in at the fourth book. And by “imperfections” I mean, something unfolded in the story and my response was, “Oh, fuck you, George!” and I shut off the book for a while.