I’m going to break from the format tonight, because I’m coming at this very late, and I think this one will be on the shorter side.

Earlier today, I was trying to pair program with one of my guys and I found myself constantly angry. It wasn’t anything that he was doing. The code we were working on is frustrating, but not unusually so. I was trying to get through an annoying problem and my temper was at full boil.

I believe this was another case where I needed passion in order to get through the task, but I didn’t have any that was particularly useful. The thing that we were working on is not going to be useful for a long time. In fact, it may never be useful. We’re writing this complicated thing not because we need it, but because we need to go through the exercise of writing it, so that we’ll have what we need for other projects. It’s a little bit complicated, and I don’t really want to do it.

But we’re doing it, and I need something to drive me. Today, my means to an end was anger.

Anger is just another sort of passion, really. I’ve done a fair share of hate-programming, and it works fine. It doesn’t feel good in the moment, but there is a great deal of relief when reaching the other side, and the fire inside fades.

I’m not sure I’m explaining it very well. I don’t know if this is a common thing. When I need to get something done, I have to summon some kind of energy to remain motivated, and anger works for me.

Music also works. Joy can work, if I can find it. It’s joy that fuels my writing, more often than not. It used to be the same way with programming, but I’m not finding much joy in it these days.

There could be joy in it, but probably not while things are the way they are at my company.

I guess what I’m saying is that I need you all to buy about 100,000 copies of my book so I can switch careers and find joy in my work again.

Tomorrow is Friday, and I’ll be getting back to the regular format. Soon, I’ll update the banner and link to point at One for the Road.

It’s Wednesday evening, and I’m on headset in Discord, getting ready to play video games with some friends, like we do every Wednesday. Mike Baltar said, “Where’s the blog post?” and so I have him to thank for keeping me on track. More on that in the main topic.

Personal News

Bryanna’s hard drive appears to have died. She’s the first of us to get an M.2 drive. I think the only thing I can do is replace it, which is a bummer.

I’ve got some work to do on my gaming system, as well. Maybe when I get her a drive, I’ll look at putting one in mine.

Upcoming Events and Such

Boskone is still the next event. As an alumni, I can now register and pay for the Writing Excuses Retreat happening in September. I’ll talk with Melissa about it. I think we still want to do this, though there must be some point in time where it doesn’t make sense to attend.

The Topic: Juggling

I learned to juggle my Junior year of High School, when the band was between uniforms and we dressed as clowns for one of the half-time shows. I can’t do more than 3, but I have the basics down. And, that’s not the kind of juggling I mean to talk about tonight.

For my Day Job, I have a number of responsibilities and high priority tasks in front of me. Today, I needed to focus on several of them at once. Then one of the high-availability services we maintain started making itself unavailable, and I needed to focus on that, too.

As I was finishing putting out that fire, Bryanna came over with her broken PC. I wrapped up the work day, hooked her system up in place of mine, and started troubleshooting. It goes straight to BIOS, and while it looks like it can see the drive, any tests we run on the drive locks the BIOS up completely.

Then there’s all the rest of the things an adult must do to maintain their home and health. I tend to neglect those, a bit.

That’s why I almost broke my streak tonight. I have too many balls in the air, and if not for the reminder of a friend, I would have dropped this one. Blog writing, by the way, is one of the ways in which I’m maintaining my mental health.

There’s too much to do, and pairing this with my thoughts from yesterday, most of the tasks don’t make me happy.

On that note, I think I’ll take a break from responsibility and get back to gaming with my friends.

Keeping the streak alive! We’re a little bit past my original list of planned subjects, so if there is anything you’d like me to include as a main topic over the next couple of weeks, please leave me a comment and let me know.

Also, if you have thoughts or feelings on the format I’ve been using, let me know that, too.

Personal News

I’m going to save most of the personal news for the main topic. I’m feeling pretty good, and I’m glad to be home.

Upcoming Events and Such

With Arisia behind us, Boskone is next. We’ll fly out on February 8th and return on the 11th. We’re using United instead of American, too, and all the reservations and whatnot are in place.

I believe some One for the Road books should come to our house in the next couple of weeks, so we will be able to sign some and send them out for those asking for such.

Also, soon, I’ll change the branding on this site and social media to point at One for the Road, so don’t be too surprised when it looks a little different around here.

Topic: Back Home and Back to the Grind

A few days ago I talked about how the time shift from travel kept messing with me. We arrived last night at 10PM local time, which is 1AM Boston time, and we were home and in bed a little after midnight. We didn’t give ourselves a day to recover, so we were up at 7AM and back at it. Or, as back at it as we could muster.

From what I could tell, Melissa did great. She was on calls, in her spreadsheets, and generally kicking ass as she usually does. I think we both slept better than we have in a while.

I zombied through the day. I attended a couple of meetings and I answered some questions, but I wasn’t as productive as I needed to be. Around 3PM, I took a nap. Tonight, after I’ve finished this post, I’ll make up the time and try to finish catching up.

The Grind. Getting back to “normal.” The Day Job.

We get one life, and we spend it actively doing things that make us miserable. The older I get, the more acutely I look at this. The more I look around, the more I see how we have huge potential, but we’re generating misery instead of joy.

When I enjoy my day job, it’s when I feel like I’m making something. Software that will make it easier to manage renewable energy. Software that will make it cheaper to set up solar and battery sites. I feel best when I’m doing something that is making the world a better place. My bio does not lie where it says “Brian Buhl is trying to save the world.”

These days, I don’t feel like that’s what I’m doing. My job is more about managing the products and the team, so that we can show an investor that our company is worth investing in. If the people I’m working for are more interested in making money than saving the world, then what good am I really doing?

I can make the world a better place with my stories, but no one will read the stories if I just give them away. And as much as I hate money, I’m realistic enough to know that I have to live in this world, and I need money in order to do what I did this last weekend.

I’m not sure what point I’m making tonight. Maybe I’m just tired. Maybe I’m just whining. I feel in my heart that humanity has greater potential than what we demonstrate daily. Maybe we would do better if we weren’t all wrapped in green-colored weeds, drowning in debt that does not need to exist, because the root of all our problems is also the root of all evil.

That’s enough for tonight. Time to make the doughnuts.

Melissa and I have the table set up for the final day. It’ll be short. In a few hours, we need to take the final inventory, pack everything up, haul everything to Steven D. Brewer’s car, then Uber to the airport to make our 4:15PM flight, assuming it isn’t delayed or canceled for mysterious reasons. As far as I can tell, the weather here is fine and shouldn’t be a factor, but we already received a warning email from American last night, so who knows what will happen.

Because of that, I’m writing this now, in case I don’t have another opportunity to write my post today. This is #15 of potentially 366. Gotta keep the streak going.

Most of my time at Arisia has been spent in the dealer’s room, selling books at the Water Dragon and Small Publishing in a Big Universe tables. It sounds like I’ve missed out on the conference but in reality, I’m doing exactly what I like to do at these things: I’ve been meeting people and geeking out over writing and books.

The panels don’t hold much draw for me anymore. The after party scene was not robust here — I checked last night before going to bed. Conferences like this have always been about meeting people and networking, and that’s exactly what I did, from the dealer’s room.

I also sold books, but I wasn’t a monster about it. I did best when I went to the other side of the table and just talked with people. I talked about other people’s books first, generally, and then gave my rehearsed elevator pitch for The Repossessed Ghost. I didn’t pressure, but I expressed enthusiasm, and enthusiasm is contagious. Several copies of The Repossessed Ghost sold simply because people enjoyed talking with me.

I might have even sold a copy to our Uber driver last night. They found out I was a writer and looked me up on Amazon before I got out of the car. I wasn’t trying to sell him anything. I was just engaged, enthusiastic, and authentic.

It’s something I’ve seen with Steven D. Brewer and the sales of his books. He pushes his stuff a little more than I push mine, but he’s authentic and friendly, and he has a good hook when people are passing by: “Do you want to be an airship pirate?”

I think this has been a good weekend. Does it make financial sense for me to come all the way out here and sell 7 of my books and bunch of other people’s stuff? Absolutely not. Like I said in a previous post, I’m planting seeds. I’m meeting people. I’m doing what professional authors do, and I’m doing what I was doing before I finally managed to get one of my books out in the world. Nothing has changed in that regard, and the goal is still the same.

The dealer’s room just opened. Time to get back to work.

Once I finished my post last night, I put my head on my pillow to take a nap, with the intention of getting up a little after 10PM so I could go and mingle at the after parties. I need to engage with this conference in more ways than just attending the table down in the dealer’s room. After parties should be good for that.

My body had different ideas. I woke up, but only long enough to take off my clothes and climb properly into bed, then sleep until the morning. I must have slept close to 11 hours, and I was still tired when we got up. I’m adjusting to the time zone by treating all hours of the day as suitable for sleeping.

Most of today looked a lot like Saturday. We got the table set up, registered our inventory as we rearranged the layout, then prepared to greet hungry book buyers. I didn’t expect to sell any more copies of The Repossessed Ghost today since all we had left were hard covers, but we sold 2. We sold a lot of books I didn’t expect us to sell. According to our records, we have outperformed Arisia 2023 says significantly.

The highlights of the day for me has to be the interviews for the Small Publishing in a Big Universe podcast. I helped record some interviews at Baycon in 2023, and I interviewed some new authors for the December issue. Over the last couple of days, I’ve been recording Live from Arisia content, and it’s been a lot of fun.

The interviews today went very well. I didn’t overthink it. I kept my canned questions simple, and I allowed the flow of conversation to influence my questions as we went. I’m sure the people I interviewed had a good time, too. We all left the recording room with smiles.

If you’re curious what the recording setup was like, I used my Blue Snowball microphone, now with a broken stand, plugged into my Surface Pro 6. I recorded using Audacity, and we took advantage of a quiet room near the pool in which masks were optional. If we’d left our masks on, we might have come across sounding like the adults from a Charlie Brown cartoon.

When I get home, L. A. Jacob will receive all of the audio files and edit them into something presentable. Hopefully, there will be enough material to make a good episode. I did record a comedy bit with Steven D. Brewer, which may or may not be useful. It was definitely funny.

Tomorrow is our last day of the convention. It’s nearly 10PM local time, and I still have some hope of going and mingling with people outside of the dealer’s room. I’ll pack up first, just in case. We’ll likely take our bags down to the dealer’s room with us tomorrow and stow them under a table. Our timing for hitting our next flight might be a little tight.

I haven’t seen much of Arisia, but I’ve had a good time, just the same. I wonder how Boskone will compare.

With the setup behind us, today was the first full day of the convention for us, and we spent almost all of it in the dealer’s room, behind the table, selling books.

We didn’t have continuous customers, but we sold some. We sold out the soft copies of The Repossessed Ghost and we’re down to 4 hard copies. We sold quite a few of all the books on the table, and it’s getting easier and easier for us to describe all of the books, and not just the one I wrote.

Several of the other Water Dragon authors took some time at the table. It wasn’t just me and Melissa, though there was a short time this afternoon where Melissa handled both the Water Dragon and Small Publishing in a Big Universe tables all on her own. She did great! In that short span, she made more sales than I did the whole day.

At dinner, in the same Irish pub we visited last night, Melissa asked me something along the lines, “Is what we’re doing worth it?”

We had been talking about finances and such, and I said, “I don’t think of it along those lines?”

Melissa pushed the question again and I pointed out that if we completely sold out of The Repossessed Ghost, our personal profit wouldn’t be enough to pay for our meal. It probably wouldn’t be enough to pay for the hard cider I was drinking.

At this point in my writing career, most of what I’m doing is not financially sound. If you track my hours, or my mileage, or how much we spend on hotel or meals, or any part of it, and if you look at it only in terms of income versus expenses, we should not be going to conventions. It isn’t really possible for us to make enough to justify all of these costs.

I don’t think of it along those lines. I see it as planting seeds.

I’m meeting people. I’m putting my book in front of some people. I’m creating little, tiny ripples, not really significant to be noticed, but over time, they might amount to something. There’s more to it than money.

At least one other author I know has pretty much stopped going to events where they see no viable way to make up their expenses through sales. It’s purely transactional, for them. And I get it. If I lose my day job, I might start looking at events the same way.

In the mean time, I see myself drawing money from my job, and investing it into my writer career. I might be buying myself opportunities down the line. Or, I might be throwing my cash into a trash fire. We won’t know for a while.

Those are my thoughts and my justifications for going to these events. In the fullness of time, we’ll see if the seeds I’m planting today will bear fruit tomorrow.

The difference between Boston and Sacramento is 3 hours.

We got in late, and then I had some homework to finish before I went to bed. Boston time, we tried to sleep right around 2AM, which is 11PM Sacramento time. From our body’s perspective, we were trying to sleep a little bit earlier than normal after an intense day of travel. There were no howling cats in our room, so we fell asleep right away.

Then we got up at 7AM Boston time. That’s 4AM Sacramento time. That amounts to about 5 hours of sleep, but it felt more like 3 hours.

That’s how we began the convention.

We went downstairs and had Expensive Hotel Breakfast, which was perfectly fine. When going to these conferences, you have to expect at least one Expensive Hotel meal. At Baycon last year, we brought food and an electric skillet, and we managed to eat much more reasonably. Except for the night we took everyone out, but I try to do that once at every convention, because it makes me feel like a successful author.

What was I saying? Oh yeah. Arisia, Day 1.

Setup in the dealer’s room went relatively smooth. The whole conference is running well, from my perspective. They had a hitch with registration, and it caused a delay of minutes rather than hours. Other conventions I’ve been to, it would have been a critical problem, but Arisia rolled through it. I think they have their stuff together.

We spent most of the day in the dealer’s room, as expected. I talked with a few young writers that came by the table. It was fun geeking out with them about books and writing. One even bought my book.

Sales were a bit low, but I have it on good authority that’s normal for Friday afternoon. We should expect more sales tomorrow. I only brought 10 copies of The Repossessed Ghost, and it would be a fantastic problem to run out.

It’s now a little after 11PM Boston time. The difference of 3 hours is adding up. We need to get up early again tomorrow, and I’m about to pass out at my keyboard.

Before I go, let me tell you that One for the Road is out today.

Here is a link. I’ll spend more time talking about it tomorrow.

For the next couple of days, I’ll break from the format and just talk about what’s going on with me at Arisia. Perhaps this adventure will be a good story. Here is the beginning.

It’s not quite 10AM and I’m sitting at a table in the airport. I bought a breakfast bagel from Peet’s, along with a decaf Americano that is okay. Melissa sits across from me, her $5 water still unopened. I’m using the airport wifi, which appears to be faster than the internet I get at home. This all sounds ideal, right?

I should have noticed the first hint of trouble last night, when American Airlines sent an email saying, “Are your plans flexible?” No, American Airlines, my plans are not that flexible. If I could get in sooner, that would be better, but all of the options you’re presenting me with will get me to Boston later, and I’m already not too happy with getting in after 10PM. I’ll pass.

This morning, we finished our packing, hopped in my car, and made it to the airport with enough time. It didn’t take too long to find a spot in Economy, and the shuttle driver was fun to talk to. He’s a huge fan of the Kings, and his interest is strong enough that it has me thinking I should watch some highlight reels and get caught up on basketball.

Then we went to check our bags and discovered that we had been rebooked. Oops! We only thought we were going to leave Sacramento on time. The flight is delayed, and since we can’t catch the connecting flight in Phoenix, that’s been rebooked to a later time, with seats that no longer keep Melissa together, or towards the front of the plane.

Here you go, Mr. Buhl. Please enjoy your complimentary downgrade. We hope you like sitting in an airport a few extra hours, and that extra legroom you paid for is no longer available. Did we mention that we’ll reimburse you in any way? Of course not, because that’s not how any of this works.

I hate flying.

Scratch that. I hate airports, airlines, and airport security, and the empire of bullshit we’ve created that makes the miracle of flight something to be despised. I hate anticipating the inconvenience and the discomfort. I hate all of the aspects around flying.

Actually riding in a plane? That part is cool, actually. I’m a nervous flyer, and so the takeoff and landing has me gripping the seat. A few times I’ve been in turbulence that rattled us around like dice in a cup, and that was not super fun. It’s safe for me to say that I find flight exciting, sometimes terrifying, and I respect it and look forward to it. I think it would be amazing to learn to pilot a plane. That’s probably not going to happen during this lifetime, though.

Anyway. That’s all off my chest, now. I’m looking forward to getting to Boston. It looks like sleep will continue to be a scarce commodity going forward.

Let the adventure begin continue.

I just got home from another day in the office. This is the 10th post in a row. I’m not sure it will be very long, but we’ll see what we can do!

Personal News

The thing about going into the office is that I have to get up early, and I don’t get home until late. My day is shrunk, and I’m generally more tired by the end of it. After two days in a row, I’m exhausted. Almost like having a cat in heat, yowling in the wee hours of the morning.

I’m tired, but it’s Wednesday night, and I want to play games with my friends. I still have some packing to do, but it doesn’t usually take me very long to get ready.

Upcoming Events and Such

The only event in my mind is the one directly in front of me. Arisia 2024. I’ve never been to it, and I don’t think I’m going to know very many people there. I’m not on any of the programming. All I know at this point is that I’m going to work the Water Dragon table as much as I can, and hope that I do a good job.

The Topic: Finishing Projects

As a writer, it’s extremely important to finish your projects. It’s equally important for programmers.

When is a story finished? When the writer types “The End”? After the final edit from your publisher? After the last copy of it has been sold?

The line is different for different stories, I think. There’s a few stories I’ve written that will never see the light of day. There are some that I started and abandoned. Then there The Repossessed Ghost which is out in the world, and One for the Road which will be out in the world Soon®.

I believe that a story can be finished multiple times. Or, a writer is called upon to finish multiple stages. It is a milestone to finish the first draft. It is another milestone to complete the next revision, and the revisions after that. There is a finishing point after submitting the story to your critique group and taking in their feedback. And for some of us lucky few, there are stages during the publishing process.

If you’re struggling as a writer, it’s good to narrow your focus to the stage you’re on, and just finish that. Finish the first draft. If that’s too big a target, finish the chapter. Or finish the paragraph. Some days, it’s all you can do to finish each sentence. Finishing one can give strength to finish the next, until you have a whole pile of sentences that hopefully, someday, you can shape into something presentable.

I just got home. I don’t normally go into the office these days, because there isn’t much point. Today, my boss was in, and a new developer started today. If I didn’t go in today, I might have missed out on a free lunch!

Personal News

For those following the tragedy that is a tiny black cat in heat, I have important news: she’s settled down. She didn’t yowl throughout the night. She is behaving like a regular cat once again. We can all rejoice!

I still had to get up much earlier than normal in order to make it into the office on time. And, I have to get up relatively early tomorrow to do the same. It’s okay, though. Thursday, our flight isn’t until around 10AM, so we can sleep in. Our departure can be leisurely and carefree. It’s almost like we’re taking vacation.

Upcoming Events and Such

I check in for our flight tomorrow, and we flight the next day. I checked the weather, and it doesn’t look as bad as I thought. There will be freezing weather and precipitation, and it’s altogether much colder than I like, but I don’t see anything to make me think our flights should get canceled.

I’ll wear sweaters and jackets and be just fine.

The Topic: Maybe One for the Road?

While One for the Road will definitely be available online on Friday, it looks like the physical copies I was hoping for aren’t going to be printed and shipped on time.

This is a huge bummer, but it’s not the end of the world. There’s still one more surprise surrounding this story, and it may or may not be revealed on Friday.

It’s possible that this is a blessing in disguise, as my campaign for promoting the story — talking about it on this blog — may not be the highway to success. I’m not sure what else I can do, though. I’m not posting to Twitter. I’ll post more to Facebook once I have links for purchasing the story. I can spread the news around my day job, but the reality is I just don’t have that much reach.

I don’t exactly have a fanbase.

Well. Maybe if I keep writing and keep trying, something will happen. What else can a person like me do?