Today was another rough day. It went longer than it should have, and I still haven’t finished everything I needed to finish for the Day Job. So, tonight, let’s have some fun. Let’s indulge in pure fantasy and dive deep into the most outlandish dreams and notions people project onto the author life.

Authors don’t need to work for a living, really. They don’t need to wake up to an alarm clock. They are not required to go anywhere or do anything special for their job. They make up stories and live like rock stars. Better than rock stars. Musicians usually have to go on tour when they’re not in a studio. Authors can stay at home all the time if they want.

And why wouldn’t they? With the kind of money authors make, they can afford rambling mansions. Laundry? Cooking? Yard care? They have staff that take care of that. Sometimes, the author will spend the day in the pool. Maybe they’ll tinkle around on their grand piano. The writing happens eventually, but that’s really just an afterthought, since it’s so easy. At least, it’s easy for them. They made it where they did because of their gift.

They don’t have to stay at home, though. In fact, taking a year to go eat in Italy, pray in India, and fall in love in Indonesia is such a common activity for authors, they made a book and a movie about it. Traveling the world and seeing all the sites is a requirement for the author because how else will they fill their stories with vivid descriptions? The author life is a jet-setter’s life.

Kids dream of being astronauts, firefighters, or maybe the President of the United States. If they knew what I know, they’d dream of being an author. If you turn on the television and flip through a few channels, you’re sure to land on a based-on-reality show about an author that’s solving mysteries and fighting crime. Jessice Fletcher? Richard Castle? There are others, and it’s a common trope for a reason. Authors see the world differently than regular people, which makes them better at fighting crime than Batman.

Truly, is there anything an author can’t do? I don’t think so.

Obviously, this is why I’m so driven to change careers. I crave that rich lifestyle. It explains why people are interested in using artificial intelligence to write stories for them. If they can just get their foot in the door, surely all that author wealth will just start pouring in.

You basically don’t even need to do anything once you’re an author, you know. Look at George Martin and Pat Rothfuss. No one really believes that they stress over their unfinished work, right? There is no way that the weight of their respective series keeps them up at night. They’re unbothered by the voices of picky fans demanding they “get back to work.” They don’t need to work, anymore. They’re authors.

I cannot stress enough how low stress the author life is. You don’t spend any time whatsoever worrying about what people think of your writing. You move through life with complete confidence, knowing that all of your stories will sell always, and the audience will be there in line for your next book, without fail. Authors know their value. They know they’re the real-deal.

There are some authors that keep writing. Not because they have to, but because they want to. Fortunately for them, since they’ve finished at least one book, they know exactly what they’re doing on the subsequent books. Have you ever heard an author say something along the lines of, “I feel like I’ve completely forgotten how to write”? Me, neither!

Everyone respects authors and the choices they make in their stories. No one ever walks up to an author and says, “You know what you should do in your next story? Let me tell you.” When an author is talking to someone about the story their writing, whether it be a stranger or a loved one, the other person never stops them and asks, “Oh, when’s it coming out?” And authors always have a ready, intelligent answer for the question, “What’s your story about?”

This author experience I have described in great detail is universal and without exception. Any author reading this will back me up and tell you that this is entirely true. Authors either make it or they don’t, and their path to success is the same every time.

You can trust me on this, because if you click on the banner on my blog, or search my name on Amazon, you’ll find that I’m an author. Therefore, I’m something of an authority on this subject.