I’m going to break from the format tonight, because I’m coming at this very late, and I think this one will be on the shorter side.

Earlier today, I was trying to pair program with one of my guys and I found myself constantly angry. It wasn’t anything that he was doing. The code we were working on is frustrating, but not unusually so. I was trying to get through an annoying problem and my temper was at full boil.

I believe this was another case where I needed passion in order to get through the task, but I didn’t have any that was particularly useful. The thing that we were working on is not going to be useful for a long time. In fact, it may never be useful. We’re writing this complicated thing not because we need it, but because we need to go through the exercise of writing it, so that we’ll have what we need for other projects. It’s a little bit complicated, and I don’t really want to do it.

But we’re doing it, and I need something to drive me. Today, my means to an end was anger.

Anger is just another sort of passion, really. I’ve done a fair share of hate-programming, and it works fine. It doesn’t feel good in the moment, but there is a great deal of relief when reaching the other side, and the fire inside fades.

I’m not sure I’m explaining it very well. I don’t know if this is a common thing. When I need to get something done, I have to summon some kind of energy to remain motivated, and anger works for me.

Music also works. Joy can work, if I can find it. It’s joy that fuels my writing, more often than not. It used to be the same way with programming, but I’m not finding much joy in it these days.

There could be joy in it, but probably not while things are the way they are at my company.

I guess what I’m saying is that I need you all to buy about 100,000 copies of my book so I can switch careers and find joy in my work again.

Tomorrow is Friday, and I’ll be getting back to the regular format. Soon, I’ll update the banner and link to point at One for the Road.