I just entered my timecard for last week. 60 hours, on the nose, mostly because of a 16 hour day on Tuesday last week.
I worked a few hours yesterday, and a few hours today. Not a big deal. In fact, aside from the stress headaches and body pain, I don’t mind working long hours as long as I feel it’s worth it.
Was it worth it?
We’re doing 2 week sprints. Norwescon took me out of it for a couple of days, and I stated at the beginning that the sprint was a bit overstuffed, but I thought it could be done. We had some crisis during the sprint, while I was at Norwescon, and I logged in and gave a hand during my vacation. Then I got home and crammed around 30 hours of work into 2 days. I did everything that was assigned to me, helped my team members with their work, and went above and beyond. There was one task I did not complete, because if I completed it, our production environment would have suffered gravely.
Because I didn’t do that one task, my sprint is considered a failure.
Yeah.
I’m loyal to my company and my team, but this is toxic. I’ve been getting through the last few days with Tylenol and Motrin, because I’m not sleeping well and the stress is manifest in my next and upper back. Again.
It’s extremely difficult to write when I’m feeling like this. It’s difficult to do anything. There’s no joy. Just going through the motions, hoping the fun comes back.
I shouldn’t be posting stuff like this. I should be optimistic, and thankful, and positive. On the other hand, I said I’d post on the weekends, and the weekend is almost over and the only thing I’ve managed to accomplish is attend Michael’s matinee yesterday and do the laundry today.
Maybe this next week will be better, and I’ll have enough spell slots at the end of the day to do some actual writing.
Meh, actually… I think you should be posting stuff like this, and I value that you do. I understand the feeling, though, the pressure to say nothing if we can’t say something positive. We’ve all had that drilled into our heads from childhood, no? But if you can’t be honest about what you’re feeling and going through, and not just honest to yourself but honest to the people around you who can provide support in even only the listening-ear sort of way, then you’ll never get through. You know? I had a friend who died a while back of cancer, and one of the most memorable things he said to me was that he could at least thank cancer for forcing him to say he wasn’t okay, forcing him to be open to help from people who cared about him, and showing his fiercely independent self how critical support networks of good friends and family are to a good life. He told me he wished he’d learned that earlier. I took it to heart.
And yeah, I know, you could say that you mean that you just shouldn’t share it here, on a “public” forum, and instead only share it off-line. Dunno. To each their own. But I think this space that you’ve created should be a space of support for you, too. At least, I hope it is!