I keep getting asked how I’m holding up. I keep giving honest non-answers like, “As good as can be expected” or “I’m hanging in there.”

I’m not good. I’m not fine. I’m upset, sad, disappointed, hopeless, uninspired, tired, and pessimistic. But I don’t think anyone wants to hear that. Not from me.

I’m not gay or trans. I’m straight, white, male, and financially stable. I’m not an immigrant. I’m not a professional working for the government. I live in California. I am, in a word, safe.

I project enough arrogance that Trump would probably like me if he met me in person. I look like the kind of person he likes, and I’d stare him down just like the kind of people he aspires to be.

If I kept my mouth shut and didn’t write anything political here, if I chose to stay in my lane, I could probably cruise on to my death bed without any conflict. That’s a pretty wild choice, isn’t it? How luxurious it is to be in my position. How lucky I am to have all of these properties and privileges I never asked for, and that I’m not proud of because I didn’t earn them.

I will not be choosing silence or meekness. If you are one of the very large targeted demographics, I will defend you. I will continue to criticize those in power, even if that makes me “an enemy within.” I will live my life with integrity and kindness and as much love as I can muster, and I will not stand by as people are bullied.

I am still not a Democrat. I went back through my old posts. Here’s some stuff I wrote in July:

I will still vote for the Democratic candidate. I’ll do my part. But the Dems have fucked us.

They’ve thrown away the incumbency.

They’ve set up a situation where they have 100 days to come behind a single candidate, hopefully without bloodying each other and allowing Trump to cruise unscathed.

They’ve set up a situation where the focus will be on the electability of the Democratic candidate, rather than highlighting how the Republican wanna-be despot is unelectable.

They’ve set up a situation where they are not highlighting their own plan for the future, which would be a great contrast to Project 2025.

They’re most likely going to get behind Kamala Harris, which means that the American voters will have to overcome racism and sexism. This, during a time where social media is commonly joking/complaining/spreading memes about DEI hires.

Democrats, why did you have to make it so much harder than it needed to be?

If Trump is re-elected, this is why.

Right after I wrote that, the Democrats — the people in my sphere — appeared to be energized for Harris. I thought, “Well… maybe we’re going to be okay, after all.”

Some people didn’t vote for Harris because she “didn’t provide a plan.” Trump’s plans, Project 2025 plus tariffs, is a shit plan, but it is a plan. Harris talked about some of the things she wanted to do, but that’s not the same thing as a plan. And if she did put out a plan, enough people didn’t see it that it didn’t matter.

Some people didn’t vote for Harris because she didn’t come out strongly enough against Israel.

Some people didn’t vote for Harris because they saw her as being selected, rather than going through the primary. “Why should I vote for someone I didn’t get to choose?”

And, unfortunately, there are a lot of people that didn’t vote for her because of her gender and the color of her skin.

For the first time in his life, Trump won the popular vote. A felon. A rapist. A twice impeached, former president with an absolutely terrible record. Someone that told us to inject bleach. Someone that promoted an insurrection when he lost in 2020.

In a time when we have existential crisis in the form of climate change, we elected the guy that tried to pull us out of the Paris Agreement. The guy that hates windmills.

This election, I learned something. Maybe I relearned something. You can’t win a race based on the faults of the other guy. You have to win on the merits of your own words, record, and intentions.

Let me tell you what I would run on, if I were to run for President.

I would introduce legislation which overturned Citizens United. Corporations are not people. We need to pull that money from our political system. We need to keep Big Business away from all three branches of our government.

I would introduce legislation which applies reasonable term limits to members of Congress.

I would work with Congress to apply some sort of term limit on the Supreme Court. Lifetime appointments without any guard rails has proven to be unacceptable.

I would introduce legislation to actually limit money that sitting members of Congress receive. Part of this would be establishing an independent funding for election spending. Once a candidate reaches a certain threshold, they can no longer accept funds from anyone else to pay for their campaign. Once elected, their estate goes into a trust, just as the President’s estate is supposed to be put in trust, and the only paycheck they’re allowed to take is the one from Uncle Sam.

No one working in any of the three branches of government should be allowed to trade stocks.

It will be hard to push through, but I will remove the electoral college. Every person’s vote should count, whether they live in the city or they live on a farm. No one should be disenfranchised. This will also help eliminate some of the problems we have with gerrymandering.

It will be hard to push through, but I will push for a change in our voting. Rather than first-past-the-post, we’ll use a weighted system. This will make third party candidates viable. My intention is to destroy our so-called two-party system.

I need to shut up about this, now.

This is all purely fantasy. It’s something I can think about as a distraction from the reality we’re living in. We have elected a monster and doomed our country and our planet. We may not have another fair election again. And even though I’m certain I know what’s wrong with our system — it’s the money — I’m never running for office.

So how am I doing?

Shitty.

But I’ll survive, and I will write, and I vow to defend those that the elected felon and all his cronies mean to target.

If we can summon the courage to do what is right, act with integrity, and protect each other, we will be fine. Maybe the 74 million people that voted for Trump will see the error in their decision and stand with us.

I still want to have faith in humanity. Please don’t let me down.