I haven’t made any meaningful advances with my novel in over a month. I’ve opened it several times and fiddled around with it, but I feel a little bit lost, a little bit afraid, and very, very distracted. I’m not following through on my intentions.

For example, my intention was to get up early this morning and spend some time on the exercise bike. I didn’t sleep very well last night, though, and Melissa wound up waking me a little after 8AM so we could go to breakfast.

Before getting in the car to come home, I decided the best thing I could do next was put myself in front of my laptop for 2 hours and get some writing done. Two hours should be easy! I wasn’t even committing myself to a word count. Just a block of time.

Instead, when we got home, I jumped onto Valheim. One of the things that kept me tossing and turning last night was a project in the game. I’m building a pub in a really tiny area, and I kept dreaming about how to overcome the challenge. I decided that a few hours in the game to get the project done would be fine, and I could write after that.

I’m now in a different room of my house, away from my evil, gaming computer. I’m writing this from my laptop, with the intention to go immediately into Scrivener after I hit Publish. Again, I’ve given myself a block of time, and no other commitment.

And yet, I feel a kind of dread, thinking about trying to work on the story. I like the story. I love writing. I have the time, the energy, and I’m in the right place. So why am I apprehensive?

It’s always hard after a long break. It’s easy to forget that this is fun. And of course, I’m always putting pressure on myself to make this the best it can be, and I’m afraid that it won’t be as good as I want it to be.

Emotions be damned. It’s time to get back to it.

Wish me luck. And for those of you trying to write a novel this month, may the words flow ever in your favor.