At a certain point in my life, I quoted a lot of Monty Python. These days, I’m more likely to quote from Liar Liar, of all things. Even now, I’m on the verge of telling you the color of my pen, which is royal blue.

Monty Python is a wonderful combination of zany and dry humor. From the ministry of funny walks, to the parrot that was alive when it was purchased but has ceased to be, no one expects which direction Monty Python will go, much like The Spanish Inquisition. That’s just The Flying Circus.

Of their movies, I think mostly of Life of Brian and Holy Grail. The Life of Brian isn’t quite as funny as the other, but the name alone forced me to pay attention to it, and it ends with a song that makes me smile. Even while being crucified, always look on the bright side of life.

Holy Grail, on the other hand, is where most of the quoting comes from. From the very beginning, with the text written by people that weren’t actually sacked, to the end where the whole thing is taken apart for the farce that it is, the whole thing is completely quotable.

I enjoyed Monty Python when I was younger, but I’m not sure how much of it has aged that well. John Cleese was always my favorite, but I understand that in his older years, he expresses some less-than-stellar viewpoints. I’m not sure what they are and I’m not going to look them up, to be honest. I assume that when I’m his age, my viewpoints won’t be particularly pristine, either, and I’d rather just think of John Cleese as being a really funny man that delivered an amazing performance when he read The Screwtape Letters. If you haven’t heard that, find it and give it a listen, it’s amazing.

I think I’m a fan of British Humor. I enjoyed Monty Python when I was younger, and I really enjoyed all of Douglas Adams’ writing. There is some commonality there, and I wouldn’t be surprised if one influenced the other.

There have been other comedy troupes that have done similar work as Monty Python, but I’m not sure that any reached the same level. Kids in the Hall comes to mind, and they were really popular for a while, but I don’t think people are talking about them the way people still talk about Monty Python.

When someone suggested this topic, I thought it was going to be fun! But now that it’s time to write it, I’m drawing a blank.

I get asked tons of questions at work, many of which repeat, but I don’t really get asked that many questions outside of work. I have a lot of experience as a writer, and I take my craft very seriously, but I don’t think anyone thinks of me as an authority on the subject. I still talk about writing all the time, but not because people are asking me.

Let’s just try this and see what happens.

How are you doing?

I’m fine, thanks! Even though my day job is brutally busy, I’m doing okay.

Where can I find your books?

I finally updated my books and stories page at the top. I currently have one book out, The Repossessed Ghost, which so far has been very well received. You can go straight to the publisher to buy it, in which case it will likely be sent to me first to be signed, or you can find it on Amazon.

I also have a short story in an anthology called Tales from the Goldilocks Zone, which is also on Amazon. Not a lot of people have purchased or seen that anthology.

I have a couple of other unpublished but finished novels, and I’m working on follow-up stories to The Repossessed Ghost.

What was the inspiration for The Repossessed Ghost?

Chronologically speaking, the character of Mel Walker started off as someone I played in a roleplaying game over 20 years ago. He had a fun voice, and I wrote a few short stories featuring him back then. The game didn’t last long, but the character stayed in my head for years and years.

At the beginning of November 2013, in the middle of binging The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher, I decided I’d give Mel a shot at his own novel. I wanted to write something light and fun like The Dresden Files, and Mel was perfect for the job. Now if I could just borrow Jim Butcher’s fans for a little while, that’d be great.

Do you believe in ghosts?

I do not. Ghosts are fun to write about, but as far as an afterlife, I find that being turned in to a ghost to be the most repugnant.

Melissa believes in ghosts most of the time, so she can believe enough for both of us.

Why a ’74 Nova in The Repossessed Ghost?

The car featured on the cover of the book, and that plays a critical role in the story, is sort of a combination of two cars I remember from my late teens. I used to get to borrow my brother-in-law’s ’74 Ford Torino, and I loved that car. It was blue like the car in my book, but it was not fancy. It had rust spots, and honestly wasn’t worth much money.

My girlfriend’s Dad at the time had the mid-70’s Nova. It was dark gray, and the engine was so chromed out that you could lift the hood and use the insides as a mirror. I never drove that car, but like the Millennium Falcon, it had it where it counts.

What are you working on now?

I’m about 5000 words into a short story about Mel Walker on a jury. I’d like to get it finished before the summer is out, and see if there is a home for it with Water Dragon. Once that story is finished, I’m going to outline the sequel to The Repossessed Ghost, and then I’ll consider which story I want to work on next. I have a lot of ideas I’d like to pursue.

What’s your writing style?

People don’t actually ask me this in so many words, but the question comes up in a roundabout way when I talk with other writers.

I used to be a pantser, but now I outline. I do not outline as thoroughly as most plotters because I still like to have lots of room and leeway to discovery write. In fact, sometimes I’ll put in my outline, “You’ll figure this out when you get there.” And I usually do.

When I’m drafting, I wind up reading a bit of what I last wrote at the end, in order to recover the flavor and voice. As long as I can pick up my threads of thought, I’m good to go. When I have to reforge, I slow down.

My first draft usually comes out relatively clean, but I no longer share first drafts with anyone. Once I’ve finished the first draft, I’ll let the story sit. I’ll try to work on something else. When I come back to it, I want my eyes as fresh as they can be.

Revisions involve reading the story to Melissa. My ear catches more than my eye. When I’ve finished the second draft, I start looking at my critique group, in the hopes that I might be able to submit it and start getting external feedback. I miss things, and my critique groups are vital, because when I can see my story through their eyes, I find the things that are missing.

The two times I’ve worked with an editor, things went very easily.

Why do you write?

This is another question I don’t usually get directly, but the idea of the question comes up from time to time.

I write because I have to.

When I don’t write, the depression gets me. Writing is my favorite way of expressing myself. My writing voice is stronger than my regular voice. Writing brings me peace and fulfillment.

I want to entertain people. I want to connect with people through my writing.

It would be a dream to be able to write full time. Maybe it will happen, still. My dream had been to get one of my novels published, and that happened this month. Now I want to get another book published, and hopefully reach more people with my stories. If enough people gain interest in what I have to write, maybe this could become my full time job, and I would be very satisfied.

If you have any questions for me that I have not answered, please let me know!

I’m not the best person to tackle this subject, but I’m going to do my best, with empathy and respect. I’m a straight white guy, arguably an old straight white guy now, and there have been a ton of protagonists that have looked like me and sounded like me. Representation matters, and it’s easy for me to find a character in a book or a movie that is superficially like me.

Maybe I’m going too fast. Let me slow down and break down what I just said, one piece at a time.

What do people mean when they say, “representation matters”? It starts when we’re young. We look up to our heroes and we try to see ourselves. When a child sees an astronaut or a superhero that looks like them, it’s easy for them to imagine being that person. Our dreams as children are only as big as our heroes. I’m pretty sure I wanted to be Superman with a lightsaber at some point. Maybe Melissa wanted to be Wonder Woman.

If I had been something other than white when I was little, I might not have been able to see myself so easily as Superman or Luke Skywalker. It’s hard for me to say. I had the privilege of getting to grow up not really thinking about race. As far as gender and sexual orientation, it was a completely different time and what I was exposed to was neither kind nor compassionate.

Representation matters, and as I said at the beginning, it’s simple for me to find characters that are superficially similar to me. Why did I include the word “superficially”? Doesn’t that imply that representation doesn’t matter? Am I trying to hedge?

I don’t think so. Not every black person has the same lived experience. Neither has ever gay person. I described myself as a straight old white guy, but that’s not really my lived experience, either. I’m adopted. I grew up in a household with a mother that wasn’t always there and a father that was drunk most of the time, until my early teens. I was surrounded by people that made devastatingly difficult life choices, and like a lot of Gen X folks, I muddled through on my own. I had panic attacks in Junior High. I was afraid all the time, and I got into a lot of physical fights.

There are lots of people that look like me, but there are not a lot of people that are actually like me. Sometimes that’s for the best, because I can be a lot.

I think representation matters most for the younger folks. All kids, regardless of their race, gender, or sexuality, should be able to find heroes like them, and be given the opportunity to dream big and aspire to be anything. By the time someone is my age, they should have learned to look beyond appearances to discern what lies beneath the surface, where our true similarities may be found.

What about queer protagonists in genre fiction? Why is there so many now, and what is that about?

Let’s look at the history of genre fiction. Until the last couple of decades, it was on the outskirts. The world we live in today has been inherited by The Geeks, but before that, geek culture existed behind closed doors. It was nerd stuff.

Awards in genre fiction, such as The Hugo, The Nebula, and The Dragon, carry some clout these days. When The Hugos were first handed out, it was not quite so prestigious. Weirdos ran those conventions and attended them, and the weirdos were the ones selecting which other weirdos should get recognition for the strange and wacky fiction they all celebrated. Tolkien’s contemporaries even tried to shame him for writing fantasy, which was considered unserious and “a waste of time, only useful for escapism.”

Genre fiction has always been where societal boundaries are stress tested first. Genre fiction is where progressive voices get to practice. When the stories are exploring what could have been or what might be, sometimes the narrative dives straight into what should be.

Presently, there should be more queer protagonists. There should be more queer writers, writing queer protagonists, celebrated by audiences, queer or otherwise.

Will I write a story featuring a queer protagonist?

Maybe.

There are lived experiences that I cannot claim, experiences that many queer readers would expect from a story that is meant to speak to and represent them. It would be wrong of me to try and write a queer story. There are other writers that can write that, and we should make sure there is room for them to do so.

I can include queer characters in my stories, though. My main character can be queer, as long as I don’t make that the focus of the story. Some folks are gay. Some folks have dark hair. Some folks have gluten allergies. These are descriptors, and not necessarily character defining traits.

It can be a little confusing when a story is appropriation, and when it is representation. When in doubt, there are readers that can provide feedback and help the writer keep from doing harm with their stories. Misrepresentation and stereotyping can be extremely painful and continue a cycle that oppresses or mischaracterizes people that are already not well represented. So, hire a sensitivity reader, and listen to them if they tell you that you’re doing harm.

Mr. Speaker. Madam Vice President. My esteemed colleagues.

The state of The Brian is strong.

Coming off the release of The Repossessed Ghost, I am feeling satisfied. A life-long dream has been realized, and now I’m developing new dreams to follow.

My health is stable. I’m taking hypertension medicine, but only occasionally, as my blood pressure is staying relatively normal. The low sodium diet appears to be working for me, and I have been exercising more.

I could stand to exercise a lot more, but progress is being made, and progress needs to be acknowledged. Continued progress will lead to a leaner, stronger Brian, the kind of Brian that will see many more summers, many more conventions, and will likely produce many more books.

I haven’t been drafting as much as I like, but I think focusing on the release of The Repossessed Ghost is appropriate writer activity, and it has taken some time and energy.

People have reached out and given me amazing compliments with regards to The Repossessed Ghost. Yesterday at Michael Gallowglas’s shows, he made my book available to his audience, and his support specifically has been life affirming. I feel spoiled. I feel appreciated. This is a good time to be Brian C. E. Buhl, and I’m trying to live in the moment and appreciate it all as much as I can.

We had some hiccups on the goal of writing a blog post every day in July, but as of this post, we are fully caught up and back on track. We have successfully talked about Shoes and Mashed Potatoes, and we managed to get to the other side of The Byzantine-Sasanian War of 620-628 AD. We have operated this platform with integrity, and we will continue to keep the light on in this place for as long as possible.

As far as my day job is concerned, I’m behind on some important work, and that has created a great deal of stress. With regards to extracurricular activities, I have been playing quite a bit of Project Zomboid, especially with Mike and Nick. That’s been excellent fun.

Tonight, I started a new keyboard, the keyboard I intend to make available for the giveaway at the next Writing Excuses Retreat on the Alaskan cruise. Melissa and I have selected our offshore excursions, and we’re both quite excited for them. The near future looks bright.

As I sit here tonight, I have never been more optimistic about my future. I just have to continue to remember who I am.

I am Brian C. E. Buhl and there is nothing beyond my capacity to accomplish, as long as I have the support and love of my friends and family.

May God bless us all. May God protect our troops.

Thank you.

Today’s topic is another one that I think I was given as a joke or a gotcha, but as I woke up this morning, I realized I might have a little bit more to say on this subject, and how I can tie it back to writing.

Mashed potatoes. You take your peeled potatoes and then you boil them, mash them, stick them in a stew, add milk, and season them for taste. People generally go for a smooth consistency, but I personally don’t mind mashed potatoes being a little lumpy. The texture of mashed potatoes can be extremely boring.

That “season for taste” can incorporate quite a bit. It can include salt, pepper, butter, possibly sour cream and chives if you’re freaky. A lot of mashed potatoes are served with gravy. If you were asked to describe the best mashed potatoes you’ve ever had, how much of your description would include the things that were added to the potatoes? “Season for taste” really means “turn this into a palatable food.”

No one’s mouth is watering over plain, unseasoned, mashed potatoes.

The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced that potatoes are primarily a conveyance food. French fries are salty, sometimes covered in ketchup. If you’re in Europe, you might be drowning them in mayonnaise, according to Vincent Vega. Jack’s Urban Eats makes an entire meal of French fries, putting all kinds of stuff on them.

Fries and chips can get away with less because of their texture. Plain fries and chips might offer a satisfying crunch; what can plain mashed potatoes offer? If your mashed potatoes are crunchy, something has gone terribly wrong.

But who cares, right?

I think this ties back to writing in that as writers, we take our words, characters, various plots, and we boil them, mash them, stick them in a stew turn them into stories and poems, and hope that what we’ve made is palatable to a reading audience. The seasoning that makes our creation distinctive is our voice. That’s what we bring to the table. It’s the special ingredient that only we can provide.

Now I’m kind of hungry.

When I sought topics to write about in July, someone threw this one in, either as a joke or to stump me.

I didn’t know about this war (and I still don’t, really), but I read the wiki and came away with some thoughts.

This was the longest, bloodiest war between the Byzantine/Roman Empire and the Sasanian Empire of Iran. It started over a matter of pride, and while one side dominated for most of the war, the other side came back, bringing the fight all the way to the walls of Constantinople. It ended with both empires depleted of resources, neither having gained much. Quite the opposite, actually; both empires were left vulnerable. Muslim armies invaded both empires shortly after the war, completely conquering the Sasanians and taking many Byzantine territories.

That’s a very basic summary, which I’m regurgitating from the wiki. A proper historical read would be better, but like I said, I have some thoughts.

It ultimately started from a murder, and what I believe to be a bout of pride. Was there a point when peace could have been achieved, before both empires were destroyed with their own squabbling?

The war achieved nothing but mutual destruction. Are we doomed to see something similar in our near future, as tensions continue to escalate between superpowers?

Of all the quotes about war, from both fictional and real, historical figures, I find myself thinking of Yoda. “War does not make one great.”

People have to stand up against oppression, tyranny, and the unjust. War may be justified and not merely justifiable. I don’t know that the war that is the topic of this post was completely justified, and any potential war coming from recent events seems to be of dubious merit, by my reckoning.

Maybe I’m just a big softy. I prefer love over hate, peace over war, and I just want people to get along and live their best lives.

If you were to ask me what my favorite Shakespeare play is, I would answer Macbeth. I love Macbeth! Romeo and Juliet might make my top 5, but the truth is, I don’t spend nearly as much time thinking about other Shakespearean works as I do Macbeth.

There’s some good stuff in Romeo and Juliet, though, and I bite my thumb at anyone that disagrees with me on this subject. Forbidden love across two warring families, saccharine sweet and over-the-top romantic gestures, followed by the kind of tragedy only a couple of lovestruck teenagers could manage. There is a lot to mine from this story, which is why there have been so many adaptations.

The more I think about it, the more I respect the portrayal of teenagers in Romeo and Juliet. It rings the most true to me, because I remember when I was that age feeling emotions so huge that I couldn’t fit them all in my body. I remember feeling like I could take on the entire world, because love is pure, and right is right, and the realities of the world didn’t matter. I can see a 17-year-old Brian acting out just like Romeo and Juliet. 50-year-old Brian has seen some shit, and while he loves just as large, he also loves with greater wisdom and caution.

There’s a hint of something in Romeo and Juliet that reminds me of modern YA stories. I wonder if YA authors would name Romeo and Juliet as their favorite Shakespearean play the way I so easily name Macbeth. Macbeth appeals to me because of the humanity of it, where ambition and opportunity is enough to overwhelm a good man’s loyalty and propriety. If the witches had not given Macbeth the prophecy, would Macbeth have killed his king? I can see how my stories are influenced by the ideas present in Macbeth.

Similarly, when I think of An Ember in the Ashes by Sabaa Tahir, I’m reminded of the energy of Romeo and Juliet. The two stories are vastly different, but there’s something in the over-the-top romances between the characters, and the desperate teenage longing in Ashes that fits perfectly with the attitudes of Romeo and Juliet.

Am I onto something?

The best shoes are the ones you forget you’re wearing.

Have you ever tried to get around in shoes that were too small? How about broken shoes? You can try to walk a mile in another person’s shoes, but just try to walk any distance in shoes that are broken or that don’t fit, and you’re going to feel it.

Tonight, I moved a bunch of garbage to the curb for a big pickup, and I didn’t wear the right shoes for the job. They were running shoes, and while my feet are fine, I wound up having to walk through a bunch of dried weeds and urban jungle and wound up collecting a bushel of burrs. Steel toes boots would have been the correct footwear for the job, especially since I was moving some heavy objects. It was 108F out there, though, and I thought having breathable shoes would be better. I’m not sure how much breathing could happen when the shoes themselves were choking on burrs.

What else can I say about shoes? My favorite for the longest time were the boots I received during basic training. I don’t think I’ve ever owned another pair of shoes that fit me so well. I walked everywhere in them. They still fit fairly well, but the soles are so worn out that they’re no longer really practical.

Shoes provide clues about the wearer. The kind of person that regularly wears cowboy boots probably subscribes to a particular lifestyle. Combat boots can mean a variety of things, depending on how worn they are, and how the person is wearing them. Combat boots on a Hot Topic goth are going to look different than combat boots on a veteran or someone serving in active duty. Expensive running shoes might suggest a certain amount of disposable income, or at least, some priorities around that particular area of fashion. Generic, Walmart shoes suggests frugality or practicality. And then there are Crocs.

Armed with that information, including a description of a character’s shoes is another way of conveying information to the reader about the character without having to spell it out. What does it say about the antagonist when they walk into the scene, their shiny black dress shoes clacking sharply on the linoleum? What does it say about the protagonist when they pair knee-high leather moccasins with their denim duster? Maybe it’s nothing but affectation and flavor, but then again, there might be a plot point hidden in that detail.

Getting back to what I said at first about shoes, how the best ones are the ones you forget you’re wearing, I think there’s something similar with writing. The best stories, to me, are the ones you can fall into and forget that you are reading.

Not all writing is best when invisible. Poetry and flower prose is there specifically to draw attention to itself and dazzle the reader with all the charms it possesses. But when you fall into a novel and you’re behind the eyes of a character, trapsing through a world and adventure, danger and triumph, there is a disservice writing in such a way that the reader is pulled out of the story and forced to remember that they are, in fact, reading.

It’s something I think about when revising. Clunky sentences get in the way and pull the reader out, because they have to stop and focus on the writing in order to extract meaning. Overly clever sentences can do the same thing. And, as I alluded to in a previous post, unusual punctuation can cause a reader to step more lightly through the story, rather than fall into it and be absorbed.

That’s what I have to say about shoes.

I’ve fallen further behind on the posts, but again, it’s okay. I’ll just keep this going into August and make up the time there. Before August arrives, let’s talk about whiskeys.

Let me preface this by saying that I’m grossly unqualified to talk about whiskeys. There are a few that I like, and there are qualities in various whiskeys that I’m able to latch on to and identify as something I enjoy, but I don’t feel like I have the experience or the vocabulary to do most whiskeys justice. I’m a fifty-year-old whiskey novice. Ask me to talk about writing and I can bend your ear for hours. Ask me to write something about alcohol and you’re only going to get about a page and a half.

My favorite, go-to whiskey is a single malt scotch called Grangestone.

Quick note: I have decided to take the 9 whiskeys in my house and sample them for this blog post so that I would have fresh experiences to draw from. I’m streaming this as I do it, so if anyone wants to see my get slightly inebriated as I do this, they’re welcome to join the fun. As I write this, there is no one else in the chat, but I feel better with the idea that someone could show up, and then I’m not sitting in my office on a Thursday night drinking alone.

This first sample is my go-to, and it is a 21 year old Grangestone. Single malt. The container doesn’t say anything about how it was aged or what casks were used. The tin says, “… it embodies the style, flavor, and heritage of the HIGHLAND REGION. Complex & smooth with mellow VANILLA & HONEY notes and hints of spice & fresh fruit.”

When I smell it, I get the sense of a campfire, which I’ve always associated and enjoyed with my favorites. Drinking it, there is the alcohol fuminess that is inescapable as it coats my tongue, but that’s followed by more of that smoky campfire sensation I enjoy in the smell, and maybe something sweet in the aftertaste. It is completely inoffensive to me.

My next sample is an unremarkable Grangestone, as it doesn’t give an age, but simply says “aged to perfection.” This small bottle came in a sampler, I believe, and the bottle has more to say on how it was aged. Apparently, double maturation. Stage one in white oak. Stage two in bourbon oak casks. So it is bourbon cask finished. I’m guessing from googling that this is a 6 year old. It is also single malt. I don’t remember enjoying this one very much, but we’ll sample it tonight and see.

The scent of it is much sweeter than the first Grangestone, and while there is campfire notes in the fragrance, it is much more subdued. The alcohol sharpness that I have never grown fond of is stronger in this first taste. The aftertaste is not nearly as pleasant as the first Grangestone. It finishes very bitter. This is not my favorite. If I’d saved it for last in these samplings, I might have enjoyed it more because I’d be more inebriated.

The next sample is Jameson. A blended Irish whiskey. I think everyone knows Jameson, so I’ll just go straight to the sample and record my impression.

It smells a little like vanilla, to me. I really like vanilla, so this is very pleasant. The sharp slap of the alcoholic fumes is not as loud as the last sample, but still there. I get a sense of spice and warmth as it coats my tongue. There is still more of that hint of vanilla, though it’s not as strong as what I could smell in the glass. The aftertaste is a little on the bitter side, but not entirely unpleasant. I enjoyed this Jameson more than I remember enjoying it before.

Next up: Shieldaig, an 18-year-old single malt scotch. The bottle also says “speyside” on it. I don’t know if that’s a place or if it means something about the whiskey itself, and I’m too lazy right now to google it.

The smell is not encouraging, as I’m mostly getting acetone in my nose. Under that there might be a sense of subtle sweetness. Drinking it, I get more of the acetone. At the front end was a little bit of spice that lit up parts of my tongue that the other samples haven’t touched yet. The aftertaste was much hotter, almost burning the back of my throat. As I’m typing this, I can feel it like an ember in my stomach.

Fifth sample: The Balvenie. It is a double wood, aged 12 years, sing malt scotch. I think the Jameson might be the only whiskey in our house that isn’t a scotch. According to the bottle, The Balvenie acquires its unique characteristics from being aged in two different types of oak cask.

The smell is very gentle with regards to the fumes. My best words to describe it is “clean and sweet.” I had high hopes for sipping it, but it mostly hit me with the acetone, and I didn’t find the aftertaste particularly remarkable. I guess that’s why we’ve had The Balvenie for as long as we have. I don’t remember buying it, and I don’t see it getting consumed any time soon.

Sixth sample: The Glenrothes, which comes in a very humble bottle that looks a bit like a simplified version of the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch. It is a speyside single malt scotch, bourbon cask reserve. The very simple presentation of the bottle sets my expectations lower than others.

Bringing the glass to my, I can barely smell anything with this one. Drinking it… good lord. It has all the characteristics of sipping a bottle of fingernail remover. More of the sense of burning in the aftertaste. I did not enjoy this one.

Moving on to sample 7: Craigellachie. Another speyside single malt scotch. I looked it up, finally: speyside refers to where the scotch was distilled. Cool. This one says it is 13 years old. A wee teenager.

After this many samples, I’m wondering if my sense of smell is diminished, as again, I’m getting very little from the glass when I put it to my nose. The taste on this one is fascinating. It is spicier than the previous samples, with notes of pepper. The aftertaste is warm and a little bitter, but not terribly so. My pours have started to get a little bit heavier, so I’m wondering if I’m getting more forgiving as I go. I’m starting to feel a little bit of the effects.

Eighth sample: The GlenDronach Port Wood. Another single malt scotch. No age given on the tin or on the bottle. The bottle does say it was enriched in port pipes in Portugal. I don’t know if this means anything, but the scotch is a darker color than the other samples.

I’m able to smell this one. The trouble is, I’m having difficulty putting what I can smell into words. The descriptor I gave before of “clean” is appropriate here, but maybe it’s “clean and spicy.” The spice might be leftover from the Craigellachie. Except I couldn’t smell that one very much. I don’t know.

I didn’t enjoy the flavor of this one. It tasted sour, and spoiled, and a little bit like burned rubber. The acetone aspect of the drink gave it an impression of someone trying to clean up a nasty spill. The after taste was unremarkable. Still a little bit sour at the end. For a moment, I thought it was going to taste a little bit like a savory bread, but then it turned and went to the dark side.

The final sample: Glenmorangie Signet. Another Highland single malt scotch whiskey. I don’t have the age or anything else on it. This is the bottle that Melissa gave me for Christmas many years ago, and I set aside until I had the excellent publishing news I was waiting for. I got to open this when I learned that The Repossessed Ghost was getting published, and at Baycon, I had the opportunity to share it with my publisher. He and Michael Gallowglas have both given it extremely high marks.

The scent is very light. It has some of the campfire scent that I really enjoy in the earlier Grangestone. Tasting it, I get a lot of spiciness like I received from the Craigellachie, though without the hints of pepper. It finishes with strong acetone, but by that time, it’s just warmth going down my throat and into my belly. The acetone dissolves into a second helping of subtle spice, and maybe a hint of that campfire that I enjoy.

That’s 9 different whiskeys. There are three that stand out to me: Grangestone 21, Craigellachie, and Glenmorangie Signet. It occurs to me that there is Jack Daniels and an unremarkable rye in the house, too, but I don’t think I need to review those.

This turned out to be longer than a page and a half. Thanks, Michael Gallowglas, for giving me this topic.

To begin, let’s start with a song by Lonely Island which is a bad example of the use of semicolons.

Before we can talk about the joys of semicolons, we should take a quick refresher on what they’re used for. Off the top of my head, I could remember two main uses: connecting two related clauses and acting king of like a hyper-comma, allowing lists of things that include commas.

Here’s what Google had to say:

• Rule 1: Use a semicolon to connect two related independent clauses. …
• Rule 2: Use a semicolon to replace a coordinating conjunction. …
• Rule 3: Use a semicolon when writing serial lists. …
• Rule 4: Use a semicolon when you have a conjunctive adverb that links two independent clauses.

The list rule is the one that is most often forgotten, and the one that I can create the easiest example. Writers I would like to be favorably compared to include King, Steven; Heinlein, Robert; Asimov, Isaac; and Simmons, Dan.

I’d like to show an example of one of the other uses; I actually don’t use semicolons that often, so I find the exercise difficult.

I like semicolons just fine, and I do use them in my stories when it feels appropriate. I don’t go out of my way to use them, though. I’ll talk more about that in a moment.

What do I like most about semicolons? They open up different expressions of language that I wouldn’t otherwise have access to. Listening to Steven Brust tonight and getting his opinion on semicolons, he mentioned how he got the best of another author by demonstrating that people can speak in semicolons, and he demonstrated it. I think that’s pretty neat, but I don’t think we usually hear our natural speech with interesting punctuation, which gets me to the actual heart of this essay.

The person that suggested I write on this topic absolutely loves using odd punctuation, and I think that’s fine. It’s part of his style. He takes a different stance than I do on the function of writing, and the relationship between the writer and the reader, especially as the writer is drafting. I don’t think he’s necessarily wrong. I think he just has a differing viewpoint.

(He probably thinks I’m wrong, but that’s okay. We can remain friends.)

In my opinion, writing is always communication. What does that mean? To me, it means my goal as a writer is to get the story to the reader as clearly and as cleanly as possible. I want the reader to work a little bit, sometimes, but I don’t want them to get exhausted. I don’t want to distract them. I want what I see in my mind to appear in their mind.

Looking back at what I said about semicolons and their relationship to natural speech, you might understand why I’m not in a hurry to use them, or really any other punctuation that stands out. It’s the same reason I refrain from using dialog tags that are not “said” or “asked.” It’s one of the reasons I read my stories aloud when I start revisions. If it’s hard for me to vocalize, it needs editing.

There is one other thing I should mention with semicolons, and I hope I can talk about it with as much sensitivity as it deserves. Sometimes, you might see someone with a semicolon tattoo. They might talk about it. They might not. If you don’t know, the semicolon is serving the purpose of connecting two independent but related clauses: the difficult time in their life before they contemplated or attempted suicide, and the time after, when they decided to choose life and make a fresh start.

I think that’s all I have to say about that; I have other things I need to finish tonight.