I’m in the Salt Lake City airport, near Gate A, across from Roosters Bar where I just had pulled pork sandwich and a beer. I probably ate too much, but it’s okay. I have a long evening and morning of travel in front of me.

I’m headed to Boston for Arisia. I believe One For the Road debuted at Arisia 2024, and I would have attended Arisia 2025 if they hadn’t canceled our table in the dealer’s room. A couple of months ago, I received an invitation to be a panel participant at Arisia, and at this point in my career, if you want me to attend your conference, an invite is all it takes.

Only one panel this weekend, though, on Monday at 10AM, about the intersectionality of SFF and mainstream and literary fiction. Last day of the con, and in the morning. I expect it to be lightly attended.

That is the positive news. My first SFF convention of 2026. I wanted to get that out of the way first, because now I want to talk about real life and politics, which is definitely not positive, and if you’re not into that, here is where you can bail.

In 2016, when Trump was first elected, I remember sitting at work, holding my head, breathing slowly, and forcing myself to be calm and relax. I even went so far as to say, “Okay, maybe he’ll be a different person once he’s in office. Let’s give him a chance.”

I did my best, and Trump proved himself to be as terrible as I expected. Probably worse, actually. But I didn’t have a problem working or writing through most of those years. It was during that time that I finished Spin City and Synthetic Dreams. Lots of work, lots of writing, and while the news around The White House was bad, it didn’t cripple me.

Then the pandemic hit, and something inside me broke and never recovered. My filter at work disappeared. I went feral. And it became more and more difficult for me to compartmentalize.

My writing slowed to a crawl. I’ve produced some short stories since 2020, but writing is harder. Focusing is harder. Programming is harder.

I find myself thinking of the musicians playing on the deck of the Titanic after it hit the iceberg. I don’t think I could have done it, myself. Knowing that there is an impending doom, and being powerless to do anything about it… I just don’t think I could find the focus to make something beautiful.

It’s not really a matter of freezing in the face of danger. It’s more a matter of problem solving. I keep thinking about the problem of Trump and Vance and RJK Jr and the dog killer and all of the incompetent idiots and ICE and… it’s too much. The problem is too big, and it was all avoidable.

During Trump’s first term, there were people with a shred of dignity in positions where they could stop him. Even Bill Barr resisted some of Trump’s wildest urges. The current batch of monsters just fan the flames and lie.

ICE has killed multiple people, with Renee Good being the most visible, and perhaps the most jarring. I have watched the videos. Contrary to what Trump and his idiot monsters will tell you, she was not a domestic terrorist. She didn’t try to run over the ICE asshole that murdered her. Her last words to her murderer were, “I’m not mad at you.” His words, after shooting her three times in the head, “Fucking bitch.”

This particular murder hurts in ways I can’t ignore, and I don’t really have anyone to talk to about it. Since her murder, I have had a hard time focusing. I couldn’t work at all on Monday, and took a sick day. I did my best on Tuesday, Wednesday, and today, but I couldn’t really move the needle on any of my projects.

After hours, I’ve been playing a bunch of Kerbal Space Program. It’s a game that is simultaneously difficult and gentle, if that makes sense. I’m building space planes and flying rockets and saving wayward astronauts. There are no weapons in my Kerbal world. Just people enthusiastic about science and exploring. A game with low conflict and high complexity is exactly what I needed.

I haven’t been able to write. Not even this blog. Until tonight.

My expectations for this weekend are low. I suspect that I’m going to spend a lot of time in my room, sleeping. I will try to meet people and make friends, but to be honest, I don’t know that I have much to offer anyone, at the moment. There is a profound sadness inside me that I do not want to share. I doubt I will have it fully resolved before I have to fly home on Monday.

Well. I mean. There is one thing that could happen that would probably brighten my outlook. When it happens, there will be dancing in the street, and I will be one of the dancers.

But that’s probably too much to hope for, at this point.

If you’ve made it this far and it isn’t abundantly clear where I stand on the issues, here is a bullet point to close:

• Abolish ICE and prosecute everyone in that organization for their many, heinous crimes.
• Vote out everyone that has supported Trump and his regime.
• Primary the Democrats that have been weak and mealy mouthed around these catastrophes.
• Black lives matter.
• Trans rights are human rights.
• If you call yourself a Christian but you associate yourself with MAGA, take a step back and look at the teachings of Christ, and realize that you’ve lost the message, which is: Christ died for our sins as an act of love, which is incongruent with the MAGA movement, which is entirely built on hate.